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Birthday Presents from the Skids

Jocasta's picture

Submitted by Jocasta on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 1:27am

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I recently had a birthday and it became apparent that DP was buying me a present on behalf of the skids.

I got really annoyed and told him not to do it. I don't want to receive some meaningless gift supposedly from the skids into which they have had no thought or input. I would prefer to receive nothing from them.

My point to DP was that I would much prefer either nothing at all or even a small bar of chocolate (skids know I am a chocoholic!) or a bunch of flowers so long as they had thought about it and chosen it for me. After all I have done for them I feel a bit hurt that they hadn't even bothered to buy me anything at all. I guess it's another example of how they just don't give a damn about me. Money isn't an issue either as ESD works part-time and is always buying herself clothes and make-up and going out drinking.

I ended up receiving an expensive present on my birthday bought for me by DP but given to me by the skids, money we can't afford and something I just don't want. It's not about the present of course, its about the thought (or lack of it in this case) behind the gift.

DP didn't get what I was upset about and said it was probably his fault as he had never encouraged them to be thoughtful and think for themselves.

Disengaging further all the time!

SLTJ's picture

Submitted by SLTJ on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 3:34am

That happened to me but they refused to buy me a 40th birthday card or should I say he would buy one but they wouldn't even write in it even tho at the time we were on holiday in a holiday home I helped pay for. Very hurtful. Like at xmas when he has a massive present from them and I open up a pair of cheap earrings I could throw it in their face but have to be nice.

missflo's picture

Submitted by missflo on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 3:57am

HA!!!! Not much chance of me getting any kind of recognition of my birthday this week when they don't even recognise their dad's birthday... fathers day... Christmas(even though they come to us on x'mas day!!!! Not so much as a card for their dad. )
I'd be deluded to think I was worthy of being remembered Wink

revengeismine's picture

Submitted by revengeismine on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 4:08am

"DP didn't get what I was upset about and said it was probably his fault as he had never encouraged them to be thoughtful and think for themselves."

I think this is very telling. The younger kids (boys) bring me flowers they've picked and sometimes chocolate. They learned this behaviour from their Dad as he regularly picks me flowers.

What was nice was the last time BM came to collect them they went into the garden first and picked her some too. First time. Dh was surprised to hear they did it but I thought it was nice.

Now the older kids (girls) are the most selfish bitches. Even if they go to the kitchen to make themselves hot cocoa - they will make 2 cups and not even ask me if I would like some - I'm the one who bought the freaking cocoa! It is the small things that please or hurt. I totally get you not wanting an expensive present - just a thoughtful gesture but I do think your husband needs to train them - it could just be thoughtlessness not bitchiness and they can learn to show appreciation of you if they are taught.

evilstepmotherJ's picture

Submitted by evilstepmotherJ on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 5:11am

My SK's have very rarely acknowledged my birthday and even worse, hubbies birthday nor Father's Day and yes they have money as well. Yet it is always me who makes their birthday's special. After two years of being ignored by them on my birthday I turned the tables and ignored them. I just said "Happy Birthday" to my SD when she walked in one night. She paused as if waiting to see what else there was and I turned my head back to the TV show I was watching. It is incredible that these kids expect and take so much from us yet can't even buy a card or a small bar of chocolate. Thankfully my hubby doesn't now buy gifts and put their names on them or I would be as angry as you are. He actually used to remind them to thank me for doing things for me and I put a stop to that. If they can't remember to thank me on their own then I just stopped doing anything for them. Ironically hubbies birthday is this weekend and then mine and then SD, I have put my foot down with hubby that now that SD will be 19 we will only be giving a card and a small ($25) gift card. Part of me is hoping she ignores him as always so that he will stick to budget.

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 5:16am

How is this any different from a wife doing all the Christmas, birthday.... shopping for her husband?

My my always purchased gifts/cards for my stepdad to send to his mom. Even though my mom's name wasn't always on the gifts,(mom and her MIL had a rocky relationship) I'm sure she knew darn well my SD didn't make the purchases.

sbm014's picture

Submitted by sbm014 on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 7:00am

For me I encourage SS to pick out/make something for DH on occasions, and DH will encourage SS to pick something out for me on my occasions. Mind you SS is only 5, but I think he thinks of me more than he puts off because DH will tell me they will go to the store and SS will ask if they can get X for me, and most of the time DH will be like no lets make her favorite dinner or something instead as he knows that means more to me than most material things.

Also I agree with Disneyfan - Both DH and I encourage but ultimately when it comes to Christmas he gives me a budget and I do all the shopping and then normally put his and SSs name one it sometimes mine as well depending on who it is for, but I'm sure they know he doesn't like going out and shopping.

tryingmom's picture

Submitted by tryingmom on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 10:29am

Years ago DH tried to get the skids into shopping for a birthday gift for me, they chose a video game that they thought I might like. DH knows that I don't play video games and that this was a skid serving gift. I opened it, said thank you and left it sit for a day. Skids saw it the next day and wanted to play it, didn't even ask, just took it and started playing it. Well...ok. After that weekend, I asked DH politely that I'd prefer my birthdays be not celebrated with the skids, they really don't care, they don't think about anyone but themselves and I'd prefer the pressure on them to put up a front to buy a gift for me not happen. I used the excuse that I really don't want the skids to make me feel humiliated because of my age. Seriously, they ask every year how old I am. My response is always the very southern feigned shock and I say: "Didn't your Momma raise you correctly?? YOU never ask a woman her age" Bless their hearts! }:)

I do try to gather them up to buy a gift for DH's birthday, I've gotten better, I show them their choices now. DH (or the skids) does not need another video game!!

SugarSpice's picture

Submitted by SugarSpice on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 11:58pm

good for you. celebrate your BD only with Dh. your birthday is just that: yours. its not an opportunity to buy a gift for the skids. its like that commercial where a man buys a bowling ball for hs wife and she does not bowl. that gift certainly was not bought with you in mind. totally self serving. your Dh was clueless and thoughtless. you have been insulted as a wife. once i bought myself a DVD movie and was very much looking forward to watching it. SD opened it up without asking and watched it right there in the open living room by herself, spoiling the plot and the film for me. i still have not watched that film and cant bring myself to watch it even now.

SugarSpice's picture

Submitted by SugarSpice on Thu, 09/12/2013 - 11:51pm

Dh asked SD to make me a batch of cookies. did he bother asking me what I wanted? the cookies were horrible and Dh was going on and on like it was the food of the gods.