Amy, not sure of your age as that can make a difference in response.

Bottom line: There are no guarantees that it will "get better" as the skids get older. In fact, it could get worse. Take a look at the Adult Stepchildren forums and you will see some examples.

Keep in mind this is a site for "venting" so there is statistically going to be more cases of people with problems.

As for positives, I really don't have many - sorry to say. I am not officialy a "SM" since my SO and I are not married but have been together almost a decade. I met him when SD & SS were in their teen years. SD had the typical eye-roll, smart mouth phase during that time - which is normal for any teen. But she rarely directed it at me, I think she knew better. SS is a couple of years older and has always been very withdrawn and is emotionally/mentally ill. He has completely disengaged from his father, so there is no drama from him.

Both skids are now in their 20's. SD is OK now, on her own and working a great job. I can have decent conversations when I see her. BUT ... we are not close at all and will never be. I have never once gotten a phone call from her other than on my birthday once per year. But she never calls her father, either. Her mother has taught both of the skids to alienate their father -- keep him from being too close so she can remain the all-encompasing parent.

I have given up thinking that I will ever have a relationship with either of these skids. After this amount of time, I really don't want one because I have given up on it. I knew I would never have children of my own, since my SO and I are older. BUT ... if I was younger and had still had wanted kids of my own, I never would have stayed in this relationship.

Amy, there are no guarantees it will get better. There is plenty of evidence it might get worse. If your looking for encouragement darling, I doubt you will find it here sorry. Except to say we all understand.

If you want children of your en, then either your dh understands this and agrees to at least one child or you have to think about what you really, really want to do. It is rather unfair for him who has three children to deny you any. There may be a man out there who wants a family with you.

If having your own is not that important to you. Well, just make the most of a bad situation. Pray that they either want to be civil respectful
People in your lives when they get older, or they have nothing to do with either of you at all. Either of those options are he best you could hope for. What you don't want, the ones that hate their bio parent, hate you, but keep in your lives demanding this, that and the other because your a bitch and the bio parent owes them. Spoilt brats with an over inflated sense of self and entitlement are your worst nightmare.

Yes, mine haven't been here for two years, haven't spoken even via phone to dh for one. I pray every night that nothing goes wrong in their lives, that they are happy, healthy and wealthy. Because the first time one of them wants something his over indulged daughter who has an overinflated sense of entitlement, would have no shame or embarrassment in picking up that phone again and demanding DH do, say, give, whatever she wants, because she is his daughter and he owes her.

But this will be as better as it gets.

It's quite sad really for all involved. But particularly I think for the SM. We know this is not right, we know this is not normal, we no life can and should be happier. We know what we are missing in our lives. For people like my DH who grew up in a dysfunctional family, then raised one of his own, they don't feel it like we do, they think this crap is normal.

The positive in my case is, SD is an adult now and when DH and I first lived together, we agreed that no other adult live with us. So, even though her husband left her, with 2 kids and no means to support herself, she is stuck living with BM, not me.

The positives for me is that my genes didn't contribute to my SKs. They are actually nice people, but completely full of their BM's lack of ambition, ditziness, lack of consideration and complete disorganisation. They mean well, but it all still sucks.

On the other hand, having them and their problems means that DH and I have discussed in details how children should be raised and the consequences when they are not raised in a certain way, and what children should be capable of doing at certain life stages. However, this has all ended in me not wanting biological kids because of them...so maybe it all cancels out!

Also, there's half a chance they'll feed the dog if we're away without them. At least it means I don't have to pay for boarding kennels. Oh dear, its come to this.

I am a step mom or whatever you want to call it....

I was reading your post and think that its really selfish for your husband to say that he doesn't want anymore kids... If you want kids then get out of there..

Just because he has his own kids they are not yours and it is not the same. I would do some evaluating.. I am in a horrible SD situation too and its just the verrrry beginning so I have distanced myself now to protect my sanity.

If my fiance told me he wanted no more and had her I would be heartbroken and upset.. I want my own and I'm not going to not have any just because he made his mistake with a crazy bum.

I have had a few issues, but for the most part, decent relationships. The BM is another story, but for the most part it is good.
Did your husband tell you up front he did not want any more kids? If he did, and you still chose to marry him, thinking he would change his mind, that is not fair to him...even if his kids are not great. I never wanted my own kids, so not a issue for me, but thinking you can change his mind is not good at all. If having your own kids in important, you may need to make some choices that are best for YOU.. Good Luck...

Amy...Does SD10 live with you, or BM? SD will soon realize BM's selfish ways, and see that you are the better person. Be yourself, and keep being a positive role model...hopefully skids will pick up more from you that BM! Keep the faith, and hopefully DH is supportive!

Sometimes having kids around makes things more fun- like on Christmas or other holidays. That is a plus, I guess. Holidays are more fun and interesting. I'm lucky cause my step kids are awesome and we get along really well.

And another positive- if you don't like your step kid and think that he or she is a waste of a human being- you can say, "well at least that's not MY kid."