Trying not to let BM get to me
I try not to let BM get to me, but DH and I have been together 4 years (married over 1 year) and she has STILL not quit her bullshit. It’s something literally every day. She talks non-stop crap about me for no reason. I do not even communicate with her- no text, email, phone calls, NOTHING- I have totally disengaged from her- but she just will not stop.
Her latest thing is telling everyone I am on prescription drugs- I have NEVER been on drugs on my life- I had SURGERY 2 months ago and was given painkillers for a week- if that makes me a drug addict, then that is news to me!
She also told my DH she was going to call me at work and tell me a story about how he tried hitting on her- I’m POSITIVE this never happened because she has nothing on me- no exaggeration- the girl has no job, no education, no house, NOTHING. DH didn’t even WANT to have a baby with her; she had to trap him.
Like I said, I try not to let her get to me but it’s so hard! Some days I just want to run away and leave all the drama behind me, but I know that’s exactly what she wants.
I have not heard of Family
I have not heard of Family Wizard but will definitely check that out, thanks!
He doesn't really talk to her, the thing is she has a way of turning ANYTHING into something against me. He was talking to her today because they still have not figured out where SD will go to school (they agreed on 1 school, DH sent her there, then BM sent her to a different school.. long story).
He told her SD is not going to school at her district because she lives with a bunch of bums who are on drugs (which is true)- her response was saying his wife is the one on drugs, blah blah blah..
I have no idea why my name even comes out of her mouth. I have nothing to do with any of their issues. I keep to myself.
*Edited to add: she does not have a computer or cell phone, that is why currently he is only able to talk to her through an actual phone conversation.
That looks great!! Now if
That looks great!! Now if only BM would get a computer...
When she calls DH's phone, he
When she calls DH's phone, he needs to screen her calls and let it go to voicemail. If it's an emergency, he can call her back. If not, it can wait until he has time to address it. Every single time he answers that phone when she calls, he is empowering her to continue to do it. In the event she does claim an emergency and he speaks to her on the phone, the very moment she gets off track with non-skid related topics, or non-emergency topics, he needs to hang up the phone. No exceptions.
All non-emergency calls can be addressed via postal mail (preferably certified mail so you have a receipt notification).
It seems clear that custody related issues cannot be worked out via phone calls; so he needs to stop entertaining these conversations. He needs to file with the courts and get her into mediation. All of this needs to become official, legal record.
If she continues to call excessively, he needs to have a restraining order taken out. They can communicate via postal mail or voicemails if she refuses to get an email.
I know it sounds extreme .. but short of stopping to respond to her behaviors completely, I have no idea how you'd get her to stop.
Right, we have tried pretty
Right, we have tried pretty much every route we could think of. In the beginning, I was hands-on and I wanted to be involved. BM hated me from the beginning (if you saw her, you would see why lol) so we were never able to make that work.
I decided, after getting sick of arguing with her and being verbally abused (she threatened to kill me, kill my dog, beat me so bad DH won't recognize me, and burn my house down, among other things), that I would basically disangege from her and let DH deal with her (he's the one who knocked her up, after all).
Well, 4 years later, she is STILL AT IT! It's like nothing is going to stop this luncatic. I have not seen or spoke to her in YEARS. She spreads rumors about me and tells DH's mother things that aren't true, she is completely insane!
He doesn't really talk to her unless it's related to skid's school or something else important, but every single time she turns it into something about "his wife." I seriously don't know what her issue is.
I know this is going to end up in court. There's no other way.
I understand where your
I understand where your coming from. The BM we have to deal with is crazy, but she's about a smart as a box of rocks, and LOVES drama. When FDH and I got together I was already pregnant. She assumed FDH was the father (we had been dating for about a month, and I was 3 months prego.) I wasn't even in the same city as FDH when I started showing. That's when the rumors started... 'He HAD to have been cheating on me, I mean look at the whore he's with, he already got her knocked up.'
When I heard she had said this (small town) I cried. Then got pissed and told the friend that relayed this back to me... 'Well I'm sorry I'm a fertal person!!' (BM had to take the medication tohave SD, with out FDH's kknowledge might I add.) Then I corrected my friend about who DD's father actually was.
It started then, and now I just want it to end. I tried to be involved like you, but after dirty looks and her bashing on my DDs, and telling people I don't 'deserve' to have another baby I'm over her. It takes waaay too much time and energy away from my girls (SD included). FDH now only texts, she refuses toemail because 'I don't want what I say to be used against me'... Little does she know there is a little thing called screen shot on FDH's phone. Lol... Now we wait!
The second she turns the
The second she turns the conversation to a new topic, he needs to hang up. And he probably doesn't really need to be telling you what she's saying about you. It's not important.
Don't worry about what rumors she's trying to spread. Your behavior and character will speak for itself. You need to stop answering to people who come to you with the lastest things that have dropped off her tongue. If they're real friends/family, they'll know she's a POS and full of crap; or at a minimum, they'll know you better than that.
I will have to have a talk
I will have to have a talk with DH tonight. I mean I don't care if she says I'm a b*^* or whatever but for her to go around telling people I'm a drug addict is just ridiculous. I'm pretty sure that's the only thing she could think of to say but still. I don't want that rumor getting around. She has threatened to come to /call my job, and I cannot have that bs going on here. I work in a sensitive industry.
God she has me fired up!!
Thank you! She hasn't
Thank you! She hasn't actually DONE any of the things she has said she would do, so hopefully things continue that way! I really don't want my job being involved in this mess!
Hmm I had not thought about
Hmm I had not thought about going to a lawyer. I know when people are angry, they say things they don't necessarily mean but she is going too far with it. I had surgery 2 months ago and had painkillers so I am not sure if maybe MIL, SIL or SD said something to her about it? I don't know why they would.. it wasn't a huge deal.. I had to have a cyst removed.. But I wouldn't put it past them to talk about me to her because they talk about her to me.
BM said something that made me cry before too. It was a few years ago. I can't remember what we were talking about that made her say it, but it was something about DH being SD's father & she says "at least she has one" - meaning a father- and she knew my father had recently passed away. That was really bad.
Could be. I’m not really
Could be. I’m not really sure. I guess the thing he’s getting out of it is keeping his 50/50 custody of SD. I’ve been telling DH for years that the week on/week off arrangement would not work when SD went to school but neither he nor BM was willing to give up any time with SD. Where we live is a “mother state” and a woman has to pretty much be in jail to lose any custody of her kids here. So most likely, if they go to court, DH will be the one to lose time.
I didn’t really think I was
I didn’t really think I was excusing it.. you asked what my DH is getting out of it and I believe it is time with his daughter.. He does not want to go to court with BM because he is afraid he will be the one to lose time, not her. I guess I don’t really take BM’s threats very seriously.. she is kind of known around here for running her mouth and never doing anything to back it up. She has been threatening me for years and had not once actually done anything. I have seen her multiple times and she literally didn’t even look at me. I know that could change at any time, but I have not seen her in years and have no plans on doing so. So I guess I am just not paying it much mind at all.
The thing I have an issue with is the rumors she is spreading. Hopefully people don’t believe her but it’s just embarrassing to have someone going around saying those things about me. I just wish she would disappear!!
Yesterday DH found out that BM did, indeed, register SD for the school near where she is currently living (which is about 2 hours from us and from the school DH and BM agreed on previously). He told his mom and sister that if he finds out they are still being friendly with BM, he will cut them off, he doesn’t care if they are family or not (so he says). He said that he will no longer answer the phone when BM calls unless it is at the time of SD drop off/pick up and he basically wants him and his family to cut all ties with her (which I think should have been done already).