As expected .. skids have been registered for soccer on DH's time
BM sent the email yesterday. She's enrolled the skids in the rec soccer league in her school district. All practices and games are on Saturdays. Practice starts at 8:30am; games follow in the early afternoon (varied between the two skids who are in two different age brackets).
I guess BM didn't bother to mention to the coach that Saturdays are DH's time. Every single Saturday. Even if the custody order is modified before then, DH still has 2/3 weekends.
We expected she'd do it, but we also assumed that some of the practices would fall on her time so the commitment would be shared. But no, it's all DH's time. :O
She was also kind enough to send the receipt for registration and the equipment she purchased so that DH can pay half (even though he's under no obligation to do so).
We're looking into the local leagues near us, but frankley we were just unprepared. DH should have been more proactive about it, but we've never encountered a league where the entirety of the program happens exclusively on Saturdays. Like I said, had it been more of a split in regards to time commitments, DH would have made it work. Unfortunately, he probably still will, because BM has already promised the girls they could play and told them all about all the new gear she ordered for them 
The problem is that DH does
The problem is that DH does wan tthem to play sports. He thinks it's important and good for them. I don't disagree. He was willing to compromise because he does think it's good for the kids.
But it's a huge strain on him to be committed to this every single weekend so early in the morning. She moved over an hour away; so to be there by 8:30am, we need to leave no later than 7:30am. That means we all have to be up and getting ready by 6:30am. Two weeks per month DH works nights; so half of these games DH won't even be getting home until 4am.
He's not paying half; he's still being screwed on CS (probably the only reason she's really dragging her feet on the change order), so as long as she's getting more than she legitimately needs
He won't pay half; but if he
He won't pay half; but if he can't find another local program, he probably won't refuse to drive them
It pisses him off that she does this on his time, but he does want them to play sports. Some overlap is unavoidable, and he was prepared for that. But if he takes a hard stance and refuses to comply at all? Then the kids don't get to play .. and BM has already talked it up and bought them the gear .. so all that falls directly on DH's shoulders for being the bad guy.
Hmmmm, I'm not sure I'd pay
Hmmmm, I'm not sure I'd pay the 1/2 of bills BM sent. DH is willing to do the Saturday mornings as the kids have already been promised by BM (the witch). I'd consider my time and gas along with the unasked for commitment of every Saturday already being planned for me (by the BM no less) as me paying my 1/2 in full.
BM paid registration and supplies, DH did all the running and time actually required of the activity. I'd call it even. I think that's exactly what I'd tell BM to. She thinks she pulled a fast one (she did) and she assumes good old dad would take them and pay his 1/2. In my world she'd only be 1/2 right. I'd take them, probably enjoy it what with the bonding with kid over the sport, but h*ll would freeze if I'd pay her back her sneaky attempt of manipulation on not only my time but my wallet.
dup
dup
I totally agree. It's late
I totally agree. It's late in the season though, so we'll see what's available.
She's already paid their registration fees, so she won't consider another league. His refusal will be WW3; and I'm certain she'll keep the kids up to date on every detail.
Oh, he does stand up to her.
Oh, he does stand up to her. What makes this difficult is that he DOES want his kids to play sports, ya know? Making her 100% responsible for the cost is fine, and he will definitely not give her a cent; but for the drive/time? It's just not realistic.
We're going to find some closer leagues and enroll them if there's availability. We expected some overlap in the sports scheduling; it's almost impossible to avoid, but we did not expect 100% of it to fall on his time. We didn't even know leagues like that existed!
Worst case, we'll find an instructional league that's local. They don't fill up quite as fast, and the girls won't really know the difference. They're also usually limited to 1-2x per week, so hopefully it will be easier for DH to manage.
The EXACT same thing happened
The EXACT same thing happened to us last year! We live in the DC metro area, so BM and DH actually live in different states... talk about inconvenient!
Same story: BM never included us in planning for soccer, she just kind of mentioned the idea in passing, and then BAM! SD was signed up...
Practices were on Fridays so we had to pick her up from those. Games on Saturday, so we had to take her.
Then BM had the nerve to ask if DH would pay for the equipment.
Not only was this a huge pain in the ass logistically, it screwed with SD's mood, too. Seeing her mom on the weekends was incredibly disruptive. Her mom would baby talk her when it was time to go, and SD would invariably burst into tears, which I KNOW made BM feel good in her sick twisted way.
But then BM stopped showing up to the games altogether, which initially disappointed SD. However. SD played much better when her mom wasn't there goo-goo ga-ga-ing at her from the sidelines. And we didn't have to deal with any tantrums.
At the end of the season, DH politely asked if BM would consider signing SD up for activities closer to us, if they were going to happen on our time. She said she wasn't planning on signing her up for soccer again, as it was "such a big inconvenience" ... for HER.
*face palm*
No, you are not the only one.
No, you are not the only one.
It's frustrating, because it looks EXHAUSTING. BM never acts like herself around her daughter... not in front of us, anyway. She feels the need to talk in a squeaky baby voice and pick SD up and swing her around and generally dote on her...
Then she tries to FORCE DH to get SD tested for ADD because the thinks she's so poorly behaved. That was maddening! EVERYONE comments about how SD is so well-behaved. She sits still and lets adults talk, she loves to help, and she says please and thank you. My hunch is that she behaves worse around her mother because her mother treats her like a baby.
Can we tell her that? NO. Because it would cause World War III and she would accuse us of neglecting her child or some dumb crap.
MIL actually did this to us a
MIL actually did this to us a couple years ago lol. That soccer league was only Saturdays too. Anyway, I agree with the others that your DH needs to put BM in her place. How dare she sign skid up for something & expect him to take the kids every Sat morning & also pay half! The nerve!
Yes, because understanding
Yes, because understanding how the court system in our state favors BMs makes us weak. DH's first priority is that he gets to be with SD. End of story. So sometimes he prizes that over being right. We have no control over her parenting, but we do have control over what happens in our house. We would like for her to be at our house as much as possible, which requires participation from BM.
If there weren't a child's well-being at stake, we wouldn't be involved with BM in the first place. But the child is the most important thing, so sometimes we have to take BM's crap and vent about it here.
You're right .. and it sucks.
You're right .. and it sucks. There's really no win.
DH isn't weak or dominated .. but there's some wisdom in knowing which battles to choose too.
We've found a new league near us and will provide BM the info once the skids are registered. She will be pissed, and we will deal with the backlash, but it makes ZERO sense for DH to drive all the way down there every weekend when a closer, comparable option is available.
He doesn't reply to her on
He doesn't reply to her on non-emergency stuff (most of the time). She's allowed to register in whatever she wants. Once he completes the registration for our local league, he'll send the info along and let her know the schedules.
The skids will be with us pretty much every Saturday through the end of October. She has no basis to force him to take the skids to HER league if he can find a comparable one that's closer, ya know?
Engaging in email battles and "putting her in her place" does absolutely nothing to this woman. It just pisses her off and spirals out of control. He doesn't engage the crazy.
Our leagues are closed here,
Our leagues are closed here, soccer sign ups ended in August and games start next weekend. We actually had a tourney this weekend.
I have never heard of an only Saturday league, that sounds ridiculous to me. But if you put them in a league in your area, they will never make practices as they are 99.9% of the time during the week with games on Saturdays and BM won't take them to practice.
Your H is stuck here, and you are right, he should have been more proactive earlier. Hopefully he can find a local league that still has sign ups.
It seems that the league BM
It seems that the league BM signed them up for is an instructional league; the same thing we'd be able to get them into here. We did call around and you're right; the regular leagues have already started.
Instructional leagues are basically beginner lessons. They are held once a week; some days they have practices, some days they have scrimages/games against other teams. It's less competitive, but again, it's just for instructional purposes.
Since this is the same as what they'd get with BM, this is what we're going to pursue in our county as well. They start later and don't fill up as quickly because they're not league sports.