BM refused our placement last night
This past Monday, we had SD10 and she made a comment about having a Girls night with BM on Friday (which was now yesterday) since her Stepdad was not going to be home. I asked SD10 if BM thought she had her for Labor Day weekend and she said yes, so I let BM know that it is our year for Labor Day Weekend. DH was on his way to pick up SD and SD called him saying she was "sick" and wanted to stay with her mom. DH told SD no because we can take care of her at our house. SD of course started crying and was upset about it. BM then got on the phone and told DH that they would talk about it more when he got there. BM completely reamed him out and basically said she was keeping her. First of all, we don't even know if she was truly sick or if it was just a scheme to stay with her mom for girls night. Second, even if SD is sick, there is no reason that we can't take care of her. BM is always trying to let SD make her own decisions about placement issues and she doesn't realize that these decisions are not for a 10 year old to be making! What happens when SD doesn't want to go to school because she is being picked on? Is BM just going to let her stay home anytime?
Anyway, DH got home and called the police department to make a formal complaint about placement being refused. Technically, there is nothing they can do about it for 24 hours, which by that time, we should have SD back. Apparently, DH is supposed to drive over there again today at 5 p.m. to go get her. If she refuses placement at this time, then a cop would come along with him and the court papers and make SD go with DH. It is so unfair that she can do stuff like this and get away with it. Have any of you had this happen before? What did you do? How do you use it against them? At what point can you hold them in contempt?
Yes - she has done this
Yes - she has done this before, but only one other time. Our fear is that if we don't push the issue as far as we can, then she will continue to do it. We struggle with BM all the time lately. We tried to be flexible with her for quite a while, but it was always us giving in and never her, so we got sick of it. We have talked to the Court Commissioner a few times as well and he agrees that BM should not be allowing SD to make decisions about which parent to be with. This is just so frustrating. We would definitely sit down and explain it to SD. She is really mature for her age and already understands why we sometimes do things the way we do them, which is good.
I agree with this. Left
I agree with this. Left unchallenged, the BM will definitely continue this behavior and it will get worse. My Xh allowed this BS with the BM and before long, THEY (BM & skids) were in charge of everything. They (skids) came and went at their convenience and while Xh was just fine with that.... I was not. It created such animosity. Crazy BM's are good for this divisive crap so you know to expect it but, where children are given carte blanche, that is a HUGE mistake. I just do not understand this kind of BS. :?
You should not be
You should not be communicating with bm at all. Don't put yourself through that. Dh had a child with her so she should be his issue alone.
He needs to file for contempt ASAP.
Yep. OP, it is never *your*
Yep. OP, it is never *your* place to "let BM know" what's in the court order. Let DH handle. I'm willing to bet that if he'd just showed up to pick her up and played dumb about BM thinking it was her weekend, he would have been successful.
BM has preferred to work with
BM has preferred to work with me on scheduling things because I know more of what's going on with schedules than DH. We didn't know what their plans were for the girls night, so we said something ahead of time because we didn't know if they were going out of town or not. With this BM, it would have been a bigger mess on Friday if we hadn't said anything ahead of time.
I don't think he can file
I don't think he can file until Tuesday when everything opens up again since it's a holiday weekend. Correct?
I agree with tog- who cares
I agree with tog- who cares what bm prefers? She and dh had sd so they can figure all this out.