SD10 trying to impress teenagers
SD10 has to constantly be center of attention everywhere she goes. I'm a teacher and last year she had to go with my school group on an overnight trip because there was no one to watch her that weekend so I had no choice. I really didn't think it'd be a big deal. It turned out to be a nightmare.
On the bus ride to where we were going, she kept going back and sitting next to one of the teen boys on the trip despite me keep telling her not to. Then she went back and sat next to an adult male chaperone, a parent, who she had never met before, etc. That night in the hotel I told her it was not appropriate for her to be befriending my students, who were all ages 15 and up. I told her it was especially not appropriate for her to hang out with teenage boys or grown men who she doesn't even know. SD10 has no common sense so she didn't get it.
Well, I take a shower, and go downstairs to hotel lobby afterwards to find her sitting in a circle with some of the students! I told her to go back to our room and stay there. She sulked when I did it because it embarrassed her. I went in our hotel room and told her that for the last time, she is NOT a teen and has no business trying to be friends with teens.
Next day on the bus, she gets on the bus before me and tries to sit next to a different boy!! I was livid at this point. I told her she was to sit her little but down on the front of the bus and not move.
Well, we get home and DH told me I was too hard on her and shouldn't have embarrassed her. He didn't seem concerned in the least about her trying to "act cool" in front of teens, ESPECIALLY BOYS. He didn't act concerned about her sitting next to a male chaperone and giving him all kinds of hugs and stuff when she didn't KNOW this man.
Well, I'm taking the same trip with students this spring. SD10 asked if she was going this year. I told her absolutely not!! First of all, I don't like pulling her out of school, I just felt like I had no choice last year because there was no one to watch her, but I didn't want her missing school. Second, I told her that last year she acted inappropriately the whole time by trying to befriend teens and impress older boys and men so that no, she could not go. Besides, she's NOT a student at my school and really has no business going.
DH told me I "really hurt her feelings" and should let her go. I am absolutely not going to let her go. How do I handle this? Am I out of line for being concerned about her being too friendly with teenage boys?
Well, last year the school
Well, last year the school let me because of it being a last minute situation where no one could watch her. I had never seen SD10 act like that; I honestly thought with it being a one-time thing that it wouldn't be an issue. As I said it was a nightmare and yes I do totally agree with you on the liability. I'm bringing all this up because DH is trying to say that with his work schedule I need to be thinking ahead about if I can take her or not. I've already told him no but he keeps insisting I "think about it".
I do like your points, and I couldn't agree more. It was a smaller group of students and it wasn't hard for me to keep my eye on all of them but yes I can definitely see from a parent's perspective why this is a liability. I'm going to explain it to DH exactly as you said and maybe he'll shut up and realize that he needs to find someone else to watch her. I can't handle this again.
Thanks for the advice.
I would quit explaining
I would quit explaining yourself to SD and DH. When asked just say "no" and leave it at that. When you say more they are just going to attack your answer anyways. You may have to reply with "no" several hundred thousand times but "no" is "no" period..case closed. Them trying to get you to answer their "why's" is a power trip don't waste your time going there and give them reason to turn your "no" into well maybe..or... That would only give them permission to play you even further.
You took on the
You took on the responsibility the first time and it was a flop. I would say you have the last word on this. If you are asking how to explain it then just tell the truth. I admire you for taking her on the first time, but it doesn't sound like a good situation. Her feelings are probably hurt she is 10. However your DH shouldn't guilt you into taking on this just because her feelings are hurt. You know it won't turn out well so don't try it!