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Issues with boyfriends daughter....HELP!!

grease4000's picture

Submitted by grease4000 on Thu, 08/22/2013 - 5:36pm

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Teenage Stepchildren

I'll try to make this as quick as possible...

My BF and I have been together for a few months now. We both decided that his 12 year old daughter was far to young to be introduced to us until we established how serious things were. She lives with her Step-Mom who is his ex wife. She CANNOT stand the fact that he and I are together. (It could be because I'm 12 years younger then her Lol ANYWAYS...

The drama started a few weeks after we started dating. She would show up at his house at 4 in the morning when I was over and would scream and yell about how we were terrible people who deserved each other. Then she went through his old phone records find my number and started texting me about how I'm a crappy person. Then she had his phone shut off.

But the worst thing she ever did was go against what we decided to told his daughter that, "Daddy has a new girlfriend..." *smack my head* So now his daughter automatically hates me because he "lied" to her. She refuses to come over to spend time with him because I just recently moved in.

Now she's started a new tactic where she only wants to spend time with him if his ex can hang out too. I would give up anything for his daughter because I know he loves her but seriously? I do not trust his ex and HATE the idea of them all spending time together.

He's made it very clear he cannot stand his ex. He shows me all the texts she sends him and has said on multiple occasions if not for his daughter he would have a restraining order.

I'm out of my realm here! Please help!!!

meghuneyntyson's picture

Submitted by meghuneyntyson on Thu, 08/22/2013 - 5:43pm

He needs to put his foot down and let his child know that it's not going to happen. If he gives in to these demands now, it's only going to get worse.

I sense trouble a-brewing with this one.

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Thu, 08/22/2013 - 5:47pm

Letting a 12 yo call the shots on visitation is a bad idea. She has to be put in her place. If BF cannot do that then I would run run run!

grease4000's picture

Submitted by grease4000 on Thu, 08/22/2013 - 6:16pm

It's a complicated situation...

Her BM left shortly after she was born so he has full custody, but because he's a single father he works as a bartender and is often at work from 4PM-4AM.

They were married for 2 years but dated for 5 before that. So since his daughter was 5 years old that's been her mom. He was trying to be nice and let his daughter stay with the ex so that the whole divorce would be easier on her.

I'm not the reason they divorced either. I met him long after that happened.

Enigma's picture

Submitted by Enigma on Thu, 08/22/2013 - 6:45pm

This all sounds incredibly conflict driven and emotionally heightened. This needs to be addressed and sorted out as quickly as possible otherwise it's only going to get worse.

This is the mistake i've made (in retrospect)... head in the sand and treating everything like a battle. No good can come of it.

You and your BF need to sort yourselves out first - your relationship and your respective roles in his daughter's life - and this needs to be done asap.

That is the only issue here - you and your BF's relationship and your communication... the rest is all mess and noise as a result of that relationship and your communication.

Good luck x

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Thu, 08/22/2013 - 9:09pm

If this is Stepmom, she has no rights & need no part in your life with your SO. This has drama & unfinished business spread all over it. He takes HIS daughter back & cuts out SM completely or I would run.