together.. Your daughter is always going to be there. No matter what.. Your GF needs to figure out a way of bonding with your daughter. Maybe take the high road a bit here because you said your daughter is shy and although you may not think she is jealous deep down she may be. In 2 1/2 years they have spent time together, the bond should already be set in motion. I think if I were in your shoes I would sit down with them at a table and explain to them both what they mean to you and what you would like to see happen. They need a relationship starter. And since they have you in common.
Could you possibly go get gift certificates for like a manicure or pedicure or something, that they could do just the two of them? I know your daughter is only 8 but my daughter and I got gift certificates this Christmas from my husband to go get them done together..
I would just be honest with both of them. Your GF is obviously the older one here so she needs to step up and try harder.

They are jealous in someway of each other. Its true. its in our nature... or should I say its human nature..

Happy

That's not good.
My step-daughters are grown. The youngest was 15, well into the terrible teen years when I came along..so it was a frosty start..for us. But things have come along..and even with oldest SD..during this last visit ... even WE did more than 'barely speak'...we hugged when she came over to visit...told her 'I was so glad she came'..(and really meant it..I was excited to see grandkids..and glad that she & her Dad weren't completely messing up Christmas for each other)

SO what's up with GF?

I have to tell you ....I think women have a basic....one man-one woman...primitive residual gene...lurking somewhere in their body and every-so-often it kicks in. And stirs up jealousy, and competition for attention, and insecurity, and all kinds of rather unpleasant feelings we'd rather not deal with.

Feeling like #2 in a man's life causes many things to happen to a woman...
Whether she feels she's 2nd fiddle to .....his job, his buddies, his X-wife, OR even his children.......IT cause MAJOR PROBLEMS!!!!!

Sometimes feeling like #2 (or 3 or 4)is justified because its true..and sometimes we put ourselves there by our own perceptions and insecurities......

Have a heart to heart with your GF....find out what's really up. Why she's feels this way? She may not want to open up because she is ashamed of how she feels or why she feels the way she does.

Don't 'shut her down' if she does open up to her...by belitting what she says..
ei
That's silly to feel that way...
Dont' feel like that...
Or get mad...

Re-assure her...find ways to build the bond.

But I wouldn't consider marriage..until these issues are worked out once and for all....
I think it is so damaging for a childs self-worth to be rejected by the most influential and important people surrounding her.....
If your GF can't step up...and be there to help mold this girl into a self confident young woman...at least do damage control and protect your daughter from 'emotional neglect and emotional abuse' and provide her with a postive healthy home atmosphere to thrive in.

How old is your GF, in particular? Does she have any children? Has she had any significant experience with children? Is she also shy or introverted? Is she maybe afraid of your child?

I remember the first time I met my THREE new stepchildren-to-be and let me tell you, I was a nervous wreck! I'm a shy person and uncomfortable meeting new people, but these weren't just any people, these were my husband's children, soon to be MY stepchildren! I totally freaked out! I had no idea what to say, how to act. I had serious stagefright... my heart just about stopped when they first walked in the door of our house. I was so worried about making the right impression. I was so ill-at-ease that I had a hard time making them feel comfortable. It definitely didn't happen overnight. It took more than one extended visit with them for them to warm up to me and for me to warm up to them. It also took my husband really helping to initiate conversations, make suggestions, getting us sto do things together, all of that stuff.

It was probably not until the third or fourth visit that I really started to feel comfortable with them and vice versa. Once we had gotten used to one another, we developed a great relationship, complete with hugs and kisses and I love yous. But it doesn't happen overnight and sometimes it takes a little work.

Talk to your GF first alone, I think, and find out what's going on there. She may be insecure or she may just be unsure of how to act. If she expresses genuine interest in bonding with your child, then come up with some things you could do together to grow closer. If she doesn't, I'm sorry, but she may not be the one for you.

~ Anne ~

You know this is very important, you stated that this was their first time around each other.
For me myself, when I knew I was going to introduce my BIO KIDS to my now husband, it stared months before. I would mention him by name, I would say, me and HUBBY are going to the movies, then that graduated with them talking briefly on the phone and I do mean briefly, I wasn't expecting them to sit and have hour long convo and they don't know each other, but he would say "Hi, how was school, and that was it.." but it started with them becoming familiar with each other. It then moved on to just having lunch together, nothing long, and he would go his seperate way and let us be together for the rest of the time, then we went on to doing a day event together (park, swimming pool,etc) so therefore they got USE to him as well. We didn't take a trip together until we had been around each other for about 8 months. ALSO another big one, MY Boyfriend at the time was reassured that I still would show him affection in front of the kids! I wouldn't just tongue kiss him down, (come one now) but hold his hand, sit next to him and entertwine my arm though his, this let him know that he is also a prioirty to me and also ALLOWED my kids to see that we are CLOSE. I also would still be MOMMIE to my kids, kids need to know they arent being replaced but you also cannot put your girlfriend on the backburner in the presence of your daughter.
Look at what you said, you said you daughter wouldn't even say GOOD MORNING to your gf? Is this acceptable behaviour, take your GF out of it, what if it was your mom sitting there, would you allow your daughter to NOT say good morning to her? I think you would have quickly said "Sweetie, GF is here as well," and she would have then saw that she is GOING to have be respectful of your GF, and also speak to her. IT also would have showed your daughter, that irregardless as to how she may or may not feel about someone, if that person is a guest to you, she needs to be respectful. YOU are the parent, it is your job to show your daughter BOUNDARIES, whether that is in front of your GF or anyone.

"Be there for the joy. Be there for the tears. Be there for each other."
(Step-Mom the Movie 1998)

things were great when i first started seeing her dad 1 1/2 yrs ago. She was 15...i took her everywhere...spent time with her...talked to her...supported her...drove her back and forth to school, back and forth to driver's training....i am the one who took her to practice driving...and let her drive my car. Then she got wierd....started doing things subtly that her dad did not notice, but that i certainly did (its a female thing).....and then the big one..she stole my car before she got her license and was never held accountable by her father. no consequences. She has not spoken to me in almost a year...oh she laid it on thick...sticky sweet crap for two wks before her birthday ....as soon as she got a card and 20 bucks from me, the silent treatment started again. Now her father has asked that when she enters a room, that I at least need to acknowledg her. Bullshit. I am the adult and she needs to learn to respect me. I did nothing to piss that girl off...she violated every boundary i have ever been taught...and has continued to do things to piss me off....for which i do not respond....until after three months of her keeping me up all night with slamming doors, loud music,,,loud tv (her dad works nights)..i finally blew up at her. Yep, I am the one that he reprimanded for that. I should not raise my voice at her. Gag me. This girl is good...better at manipulation than narcisstic adults are. I don't know what your answers are or what your GF reason is for not being able to bond with your daughter, but don't let the silent stuff go on for much longer. Silence is deafening.
I don't know how to end it in my situation. The groundwork has already been laid that i will never have a normal trusting relationship of any kind with her. SHe lies about everything and has no regard for anyone but herself. She is 17 now and acts like the world evolves around her. SHe is her daddie's princess, not mine. I am tired of taking her shit.

First of all, please do not try to force a bond between your g/f and your daughter right away. If it's going to happen, it'll happen naturally and at it's own pace. Secondly, why don't you have a talk with your daughter about how not to be rude to adults and how to greet someone and say hello and maybe your girlfriend will respond better to her.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

Mind you, I am only 26 - but I was raised that when adults/guests come into your home - you get your but up and greet them! I hate that my parents or grandparents come over and the skids dont even acknowledge them. It is so rude. I hate that I get home from work and they dont even say "hello" to me. My bio kids know better. In fact, my bio kids greet/hug/shake hands (depending on who the "company is) with their step-family! My husband just reminds me that "they are only kids (boys age almost 10 and 11)so we (everyone in the world who is not them) need to be adults and greet the KIDS!!!

Thank God, I had this instilled in my children since they were toddlers!!!!! I find it appalling that my family comes bearing gifts for Christmas/b-days/just for fun and while my skids have no problem taking the gifts - they find it too difficult to say Hello or Good-bye or Thank you - without being forced by Evil Stepmom...heaven forbid we have to put down the video games to show appreciation to our elders....

My parents (who were also divorced - so I was a skid with a step family too) would have kicked my butt if I EVER acted that way to any of my family - especially my STEP family.

Wheeewww..I had some pent up frustration on that one...LOL!!!

"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.

My sk's do that to my family which has been very welcoming of them. It ticks me off, that they just stand there and stare or say I don't know. That seems to be the answer to everything. The one thing that drives me crazy about my sk's is when they come to our home for visits all they do is say hi, when they walk in the door, then when they walk in the room, and the list goes on you hear hi about 10 times the first day they are here and most of the time you haven't even left the house. It drives me mad, it is like enough with hi, can't you figure out something else to say. But boy they sure love to talk sh*t to my bc about what hateful things that their mom has to say about me. I know the spiteful b*tch doesn't like me and honestly I could care less. I just wish bm would fall off the face of the earth, and sometimes I wish sk's would follow her. I know that is mean but without all of their b*llsh*t life would be so much easier.
"Love is strong yet delicate. It can be broken. To truly love is to understand this. To be in love is to respect this."

I am a stepmom to a six year old. I have been in my ss life since he was 3 years old. At first I had a hard time because I would look at him and think of his Mom who was just evil to my Husband and I. After about a good year I warmed up to him. He hangs all over me now when he comes over. He is my little shadow around the house.

Tell your girlfriend it will take some time to get use to things. At first I wanted nothing to do with my SS. He would constantly talk about his Mom and it made me feel bad. But, I realized that he is just a little boy and loves his Mom. He also loves me too. His Mom has said that he constantly talks about me and Daddy at home.

Just give it some time. If you are worried about how your GF reacted to your daughter then stay engaged for a while more and spend more time with your daughter if possible. It is completely normal for your gf to react the way she did.

Take Care!

There is not an instantaneous bond that happens in the case that you mention. My SD8 and me now, have a relationship where we rarely talk, but that is attributed to her age, and her past. She also does not talk much to my DH. I've been in her life since she was 3 years old. My advice would be, if you are trying to be there forever (or marry) your GF, just continue to give them time to bond - in some cases it will take years - but continous exposure is best, and do things as a family. Also, let your BD know that this person is here to stay. If you are not planning on having your GF in your life, then don't push the issue. Bascially - you have to let it happen, you cannot control the situation. Just understand both sides of it.