I recently stumbled across a blog written by the custodial BM of my step-children in which she admits (some would say flaunts) some shocking behavior. I believe it is important that people recognize their mistakes, I’m not trying to say she shouldn’t write about them, and I’m not saying any parent is or should believe he/she is perfect. I also recognize this blog, though public, was not written for my consumption and when she saw me on the visitors list she yanked it down. I didn’t seek it out, but I did read it once I came across it because I was mortified by what I did see. I knew she was a bit unstable and perhaps a touch narcissistic and/or bipolar, but this is too much. I’m so worried about the emotional health of these kids!!

In a post from last week, she said she’s sometimes “an asshole”, says she swears at the kids, yells terrible things like she’s going to “drown them in the mother*cking river and the dog too”, that she’s “leaving and running away and never coming back” (direct quotes). She continues that she’s “fed them Taco Bell for 5 days in a row” and finishes by saying that “they still think I’m perfect” and that it “must have something to do with how good [she makes] them feel most of the time”. :jawdrop:

This is just ONE post out of many where she details how she naps almost daily when getting home from work, feeds them cocoa puffs and fast food for dinner and goes back to bed, screams horrible things at them, ignores complaints and notes about behavior from her son’s school because no one else knows better, how the 12 year old comforts her guilt after threatening abandonment and/or murder of the children, etc. What she doesn’t say is where her now five year old is when she’s napping, the fact that he’s very insecure, lagging in development verbally, socially and emotionally, an exhausting child who lives in a fantasy world of guns, violence and bad guys, doesn’t listen, has no empathy or conscience, is very overweight and has body image issues. What five year old that can't be bothered to notice someone in front of him is bleeding to death has body image issues?!?! She also doesn’t say that her 12 year old takes care of the 5 year old most of the time, shields her brother from the rages of the mother by herding him away to his room and trying to prevent him from doing things that will set mom off, and is the main source of conversation and social input for the child.

I knew things were unstable at home, but I had no idea until I read her own words. In one particular instance, she had her son, at the time 4 years old, wailing repeatedly “mommy doesn’t love me” while she ‘couldn’t stop’ screaming that she hated them, hated her life, was never going to speak to him again, etc, because he’d eaten bites off a cake she’d left cooling while she went to take a nap. She also teaches them nothing about nutrition or health, her house is always a mess and she uses her daughter as a second mother. Once, she even sent the 12 year old into a waterpark ALONE with three children under the age of 8!! Imagine the guilt that child would have had to endure had something happened to one of the other three! Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all ‘wire hanger’ moments, they seem to do a lot of fun, whimsical activities, they all recently shaved their heads to raise money for kids’ cancer research, they play dress-up and play in the treehouse, etc. There’s no indication whatsoever of physical abuse and the older is a very cool kid, very old soul, wise, seems generally confident in herself and is a blessing to be around. If things were all that terrible, she’d be showing more signs of it, right? Am I throwing this out of proportion? I’m terrified for the emotional health of these children and my heart just aches for what they’re going through! I don’t think I’m overreacting (really, whoever does, haha) but maybe…? The other thing that truly scares me is what will happen when the 12 year old begins the inevitable teenaged defiance. Will these rages become physical? They're already neglected and emotionally abused - is physical abuse on the horizon? I'm scared for them!!

Courts favor mothers where we are and don’t have standard guidelines for evaluating or even addressing emotional abuse. We were told without something more concrete (than her own words??), a custody battle would accomplish nothing but hurting the kids and draining his savings, so their father is bewildered as to what he can do. And I am beyond powerless as a step-parent.

Any words of advice? We sure need it.