Are second families just token ones??
Does anyone else feel that my son and I are just not loved the same way as kids from previous marriage?? And even though he has no contact with his ex she still dictates to us and causes rows by proxy. Through the kids. Everytime she hears something she doesn't like she stops his access. We all live in the same small town and all kids attend school together. I cannot have a negative opinion on skids and if I mention her he just screams what do you expect me to do about her? I can't help but feel that still sees them as his real family and I'm not quite sure why he is with me. He says he didn't speak to his ex as he does to me because she didnt annoy him! She is a vile person and a complete bully. Why can't he just have no tolerance and if he doesn't see the kids for a while? Well they will come back. They always do. If I moan he says he's not losing his kids. Yet he's happy to lose our son??
I know how you feel. I call
I know how you feel. I call his previous kids the A Team, and my kids and the one we had together the B Team. Sometimes I feel like my SO doesn't make the effort unless the A Team kids are here. But when I think about it logically, he more often than not lets the A Team kids go and stay with relatives for at least 1 night of their 2 night EOWE visitation, so he isn't treating them as a huge priority, he in total spends about 2 nights a month with them, by choice. So quite probably, my A Team/B Team perception is all wrong, because we spend all our time with the B Team and never arrange for our bio to go anywhere, we love having him with us.
A while ago BF explained to
A while ago BF explained to his SD she shouldn't sit in the middle seat in the back seat because she was safer on the side... I wanted to strangle him! I later addressed him and asked him why he would do that were planning to have a baby at the time. He got upset when I said my baby certainly wouldn't be strapped into the middle after that chat... He immediately got defensive and asked why his kids where disposable. I snapped back with they aren't she is the oldest and as such will sit in the middle that's what older siblings do! He kept pushing it and finally I snapped and asked if our kids where disposable over his because they where mine not his ex-wives. Its like they get it in their heads that everything you do is because you don't love their kids as much as they do. I fought that tooth and nail some couples don't but I don't want a separation between how the skids are treated vs my bio kids. It is a lot of hard work and your partner has to be willing to come to terms with the fact that they need to start seeing you differently then evil stepmom.
http://blog.esurance.com/safe
http://blog.esurance.com/safest-seat-in-the-car/#.UgR2AKIo7mQ
Middle of the back seat is safest...
OK thanks. I thought that was
OK thanks. I thought that was right. See post below. But that won't help her because that means he'll move the older Skid to that spot.
lol really?? I had no idea
lol really?? I had no idea the point is mute now. I was just using it as an example to show you either let that frame of mind go on with your SO or you address it and put the work in.
"Its like they get it in
"Its like they get it in their heads that everything you do is because you don't love their kids as much as they do." To some degree that's true. We don't love their kids as much as they do. But they act like we are out to get their kids. NO. We just want our own kids treated the same way AND we don't want their kids and their ex wives to run our lives. HOW HARD IS THIS???? Why do we have to work so hard to explain this time and time and time and time and time and time again?? (Reading your post just pissed me off for all of us)
But on another note, I thought babies were supposed to be in the middle seat in the back. They can't take airbags, right?
OMG!!! The things you learn
OMG!!! The things you learn good thing this kid is still in my tummy.
AHA that is exactly what I was trying to get at it seems like they think we are out to get them... so true!
I wonder where he got the
I wonder where he got the idea the rear middle seat was the most dangerous. Common sense dictates in event of a collision the impact would be hardest on the car doors, the middle would be buffered. I would, given a choice have a rear facing baby capsule middle rear. Older kids H shaped harness and anti submarine booster on the sides.
Ok. Seat in the middle is
Ok. Seat in the middle is safest option. Lets not lose sight of original post.
Good point! My point was more
Good point! My point was more that it takes a while and a lot of work between you and your partner to get into the frame of mind that you both want the best for kids. If your SO continues to treat you like a hateful step mom you will most likely turn into one. I guess though we had ground rules from the get go. We both have step parents and felt different as kids... we did not want that for our kids and knew we wanted them. I did have to remind BF ALOT that I was not being mean or judgemental just trying to keep the skids well being in mind. It is a tug of war because dad just wants to spoil his kids while he has them and we as women see that and say no way... then we are the bad guy. The guy only sees you getting in the way of making his kids "happy". Comes down to your ability to cut through the crap and be able to show your SO the damage that is being done to the skids.
This is just my view but I personally think we have a very smooth running home because of the fighting I did to get BF to see my want to see his kids healthy and not spoiled rotten.
My H just doesn't get it. I'm
My H just doesn't get it. I'm fed up enough ow that I would till baby was born and in the safest seat to tell him that the middle seat is not the safest. Wrong I know but wonder how he would react? I am not in a good place today though as after 4 years I am sick of being the evil one