Smackdown with SD23
SD is planning her wedding (10 months away) and has set the date same day BS14 has final exams at military school. DH & I asked her (again) yesterday if there was any way to move date up, just one day (it's Memorial Day weekend). DH asked her on the phone and I could hear her immediately start crying and shrieking. BM took phone away from her and asked what was wrong and so DH goes over to the BM's house where SD is to discuss changing the wedding date. He returns and tells me before SD comes into house that he couldn't change the date and SD wants to tell me why and 'she has good reasons.'
So I sit down with SD (she and I do not really have a relationship btw) and she tells me that it can't be moved because the rehearsal dinner comes with the venue and she wouldn't be able to have the rehearsal dinner there if the wedding date gets moved up blah blah blah - I stop her and say, so move the venue? It's 10 months away!! She said "But then I'll lose the $500 deposit." - she has a total of $30,000 to spend from her family. I said, "So your stepbrother is not worth $500?"
She started getting flustered, mad, looking at DH for help. "Well," she said. "I thought you were going to get his exams moved up." "Oh," I said, "you want me to jump through all these hoops and you won't move the venue? Really?"
It just got worse after that. She got mad, stormed out. DH got mad, said I 'attacked' her. It was painfully obvious that no one has ever called bullshit on her. I later told DH "Someone needs to do that to her every day to make up for the years it hasn't been done." But he was still mad. HOURS later DH calmed down and decided I could 'stay.' 
She is still mad and who knows if she will ever speak to me again. I am proud of DH because he did, after some processing, see that she was being ridiculous. We got through it. I don't know if BS is going to the wedding, to be continued...
When I started reading this,
When I started reading this, I thought your son was her half brother. In that case, yeah she should try to accomdate him. However, he's her stepbrother so that changes things.
How many SMs are willing to pick their wedding day based on their SKs' schedules? Why should it be different for stepsibs?
Can your son take his exams early? Why in the world would a school schedule exams during a major holiday weekend?
Actually, IMO you are the one
Actually, IMO you are the one who is over reacting. The afternoon drama and exchange between SD and you yesterday was a bit over the top. You stated there really is no relationship between SD and you so I assume there is not much of one between SD and your son.
I have to say, if I had next to no relationship/bonds with my SM the last thing I'd worry about is setting my wedding plans around a 14 year old SB. I would try to make sure the SB was as included in as much as his schedule allowed, but I would not change my already set date and place to accommodate one teenager. And I would not spend my day in tears arguing with a lady who seems bent on making my wedding day all about her and her son. I'm going to assume as with most schools (military or not) that the school year 2013-14 was planned early this last spring...the time to discuss wedding dates revolving around her SB was then, not after she has already set her plans and paid her deposits, lined up a day that worked for all the selected wedding party members blah blah blah.
I'd be willing to bet the SD ran the date/weekend by her BM and Dad before she set it. I'd also be willing to bet SD did not deliberately set the date and make the deposits just to make sure the teen could not attend the ceremony. I think you need to back off before you manage to totally ruin this SD's joy of looking forward to her wedding day and find yourself the next guest crossed off the invitation list. You think there's hard feelings now, just wait until you keep pushing your present agenda and suddenly your DH is faced with attending his daughter's wedding or staying home 'to defend his wife' with the old "if she's not invited I'm not going either".
Update -- I went over to SD's
Update -- I went over to SD's house and slashed her tires!!! And then I poisoned her dog!!
Just kidding. Golly you guys think I am Mrs. Voldemort. yikes.
I did what I thought was right. I cannot write in one post the whole 6-7 year history of dealing with SD - and who would read it anyway?! I posted what I thought was a (very) small victory in teaching a spoiled SD that sometimes people stand up to you. OK so it happened to be about 'her day.' She still got her way, in the end.
She will get over this (she's already talking to DH again). She will have her wedding and everything will be fine.
Thank you for you comments/input -- no hard feelings.
I so agree with your
I so agree with your statement. The best I can do regarding my dh's daughters is not engage with them in anything. They are essentially dead to me. If I see his daughter this month at a family party, we will not speak. Oh well. I am sure that will suit her fine, but If I tell her off it gets me nowhere. Nobody cares what I think in this family. I think in your situation your son really is a non issue to these people. And if the tables were turned, you would likely feel the same way.
You are so right - if you
You are so right - if you tell of anyone it gets you nowhere. Maybe it happens in the movies, not in real life. When SD and her husband decided to tell me off, it didn't make me search my soul to see if maybe they were right. It only pushed me to the point of never wanting them in my life again. If I tell someone off, I'm not planning on seeing them again - period. I think the best thing the OP can do, if she wants any type of relationship with SD is offer an apology.