I don't know if I should have said this to husband but I am tired of it!!
Ok, I have a daughter4 ( mine and husband together) and I have SS who just turned 9. My husband and I both work and I make sure both kids have everything they need and most all wants. BM doesn't work and never get SS anything which is not my problem. Daughter4 is in cheer and likes AG dolls and I just got her one. After I got it my husband just keep saying what are we getting SS, What are we getting SS, I just always say I don't know I'll find something, until tonight he brought up what all our daughter gets to do and how much things she gets and then proceeded to ask me what are we getting SS, so I just told him he gets stuff you have to pay CS, I buy him clothes for over here and make sure he has things, BM doesn't do alot at Christmas so we do, we spend just as much on him as we do her I can't help it if his mother gets most of it and I just walked away. It's not like the child is thankful of anything I do for him, he told me today I don't have much toys over here, and I told him i know you dont play with toys much, thats why you have a DS, playstation 3, wii, and an iPad here!! My husband and SS are treating my like I am evil SM. Was I wrong for saying that to my husband?
You are so right, I know!! My
You are so right, I know!! My husband just gets crazy mad if I say anything like he's your child! He is saying I treat our child better. I just say I am her mother she doesn't have anyone else I am the only mother in her life, and proceed to tell him the SS has a mother and I am only an extra person in his life, he goes on to tell me how BM doesn't love SS and only wants SS for the money, but long story short he gets mad if I say anything like "your son"
If he wants his son to have
If he wants his son to have something, why doesn't he go and buy him something? This is his son. Why does it bother him? You're right. He's just going to have to suck it up and if he chooses not to do for his son, that's his issue. Not yours.
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My husband doesn't like to
My husband doesn't like to take responsibility for anything not even himself, nothing is ever his fault it is always mine or someone else's. I just really think he wants me to buy SS stuff to make himself feel better cause he is not a good parent!! Like SS9 has very bad hygiene, he doesn't brush his teeth at BM or get a regular bath, i try to get husband to teach him how to take care of himself but husband won't. When he comes his teeth are so yellow and fuzzy looking, his toe nails and fingernails have black stuff all around them( looks like mold) well his feet smelled so bad the other day, I ask husband could he go wash them cause I didn't think SS could do a good enough job. My husband tells me I'm not washing his feet I am a grown a** man. I mean what kinda parent says that I would do anything for my daughter4.
I don't think my skid's teeth
I don't think my skid's teeth have seen a toothbrush in 3 weeks, maybe longer, not sure. My DH has ZERO pride in his child, that's clearly obvious. Mine is disabled and DH ignores his physical needs (occ therapy/phys therapy/speech therapy) needs, etc. My skid is 10 in 2 weeks, functioning at a 5 yr old level at best.
If skid were bleeding to death, I think DH would get up and take him to a hospital, but if he aint....DH does NADA. I'm done. I've tried for almost 5 yrs to get my DH to be a parent to his kid. HIS KID, not my kid, HIS. Therefore, i'm not telling skid to brush his teeth, that's his DH's problem. They can fall out and ROT and stink for all I care. I've given the stress and pressure of it UP TO GOD, and the chips will fall where they may. Focus on your DD, not your asshat husband's kid and you'll feel much better
BUT, I still think we may be married to the same man! WORD!
Candice85, I think we might
Candice85, I think we might be married to the same husband???? :?
Lol!! We might be!! I don't
Lol!! We might be!! I don't understand why these husbands are ok with not being a parent!! I know that is hard for you to have a skid with a disability, I can't imagine, my heart goes out to u!
Lol!! We might be!! I don't
Lol!! We might be!! I don't understand why these husbands are ok with not being a parent!! I know that is hard for you to have a skid with a disability, I can't imagine, my heart goes out to u!
hahahahahah, dh's "crazy
hahahahahah, dh's "crazy train", lolololol......my DH's baby momma is on heroin somewhere, lets see, last time we SAW her, or she saw or spoke to her KID, was December 2012. He will be 10 on Aug 11. So my guess is that we will hear from her on skids bday, she might pull herself out of her HOLE and come see him, and of course, in his mind, remain mother of the year.
I can pretty much guarantee she gets some kind of public assistance. But DH refuses to file for CS against her. So, i'm in your boat dtzyblnd, if my DH ever tried to pull that shit on me, i'd reply as you did "i'm not paying crotch dropper's child support'. END OF STORY!
We get SS every weekend and
We get SS every weekend and 1week during June, and July. But BM will let us get him whenever we want or keep him as long as we want.
no you're not wrong, you are
no you're not wrong, you are getting resentful, and rightfully so. you need to nip this resentment in the bud before it destroys your marriage. time for a come to jesus talk with your dh. he needs to leave that conversation knowing that he :
-needs to step up, be a parent to his child,
-you ARE not the kid's mother,
-you have ONE child and everything you do for ss is because you WANT to (not because it's expected)
-your child only has 2 parents and ss has at least 3 adults doing for him (unless bm is married, then 4) and from now on SHE will be your focus
-you will not be guilted into doing his and bm's jobs,
-that he'd better never tell you that he's not going to parent his kid again
he needs to understand that he does not get to decide what you do for his son, YOU do. if he wants him to have all the extras (anything above court order is extra), then he can get them for him - even if he has to work 2 jobs to do so (if it's THAT important to him).
by the way, ss should not be treating you any different. did he over-hear you or did dh tell him? discussions should never happen in front of a child. the SPOUSES are the team. it sounds like this turned dh and and ss into the team. not good
it's better to clear the air and cause a few ripples in your marriage now than a tidal wave later when your resentment grows so bad you can't stand him.
oh, and just because bm won't
oh, and just because bm won't do for ss, it's not your fault. your dh was the one that decided she would be mother to his son. she was good enough then, she's good enough now. let her mother or not as she sees fit. this will not be the last time that things are going to be "unfair" to ss. he's been born with a shitty mom. your daughter has a good mom. luck of the draw. will you be be expected to make up for bm's lack forever? how much will your daughter have to sacrifice because your resources are expected to go towards ss? did you agree to this? if not, set them all straight NOW. if he and bm refuse to parent their kid, that's their choice. don't let it taint your daughter. protect her from this.
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your advice, you are so right! We never talk about problems in front of the kids, but SS is the child that sneaks by the door and listens. He always has to put his two cents into our conversations and thinks he is daughter's daddy. My husband was super dad( I thought) while we were dating, we get married this man changed seems like over night, I have been picking up the slack for SS parents and you are so right I am getting resentful because I am the only one really parenting ( taking care of him, discipline ) and I don't think I should be doing all of it. Thank you so much again, husband and I will have to have a talk( while SS is not here)
Thank you so much for your
Thank you so much for your advice, you are so right! We never talk about problems in front of the kids, but SS is the child that sneaks by the door and listens. He always has to put his two cents into our conversations and thinks he is daughter's daddy. My husband was super dad( I thought) while we were dating, we get married this man changed seems like over night, I have been picking up the slack for SS parents and you are so right I am getting resentful because I am the only one really parenting ( taking care of him, discipline ) and I don't think I should be doing all of it. Thank you so much again, husband and I will have to have a talk( while SS is not here)
funny how most of these
funny how most of these divorced dads become "super dad" the minute they marry and have a built in babysitter/maid/sugar momma, isn't it? freaking HILARIOUS that they don't actually do anything THEMSELVES. we all fall for it, hon. might take a minute, but you can go back and fix it if it's not what you signed up for and not working for you.
It would be nice if SK's
It would be nice if SK's accepted us as actual parents and that we loved them the same and BM's stayed out of it, but it doesn't work that way for most of us, does it? I hope future generations figure this out. Just the name step sets us apart. It seems like our culture has to change. Every family is different, and some seem to make it work. It's too bad that money always seems to comes into play. If women made the same money for the same work as men, and there was paid family leave...maybe things would be better (in the US)?
You're responsibility is to
You're responsibility is to your child, your DH's responsibility is to both children, your SS's BM is responsible for her son. Everyone has 2 parents responsible. If your DH complains, remind him this was his choice to lead this life, now man up. I wouldn't worry about keeping things 50/50 all of the time. Your SS gets two of every holiday, your BD4 will someday realize this and want to know why she doesn't. That's a totally different issue though.
I agree!
I agree!
Oh, and tell him to go back
Oh, and tell him to go back to court, so u can keep your money, then u will have more to spend on SS. I think dads get confused thinking CS is just for bio mom, um NO, it's CHILD support! She has the money, let her use it!
YOU did not choose a piss
YOU did not choose a piss poor mother for SS. HE did. You didn't birth the damn kid or even get the pleasure from the sex that made him. You owe him nothing.
Why are you afraid of getting him mad? You hold the cards here. HE should be afraid of getting YOU mad. If he gets YOU mad enough, he will be paying CS for TWO kids!
You are so right!! I had
You are so right!! I had nothing to do with it and he shouldn't expect me to treat SS like he's mine.
Man... these DH's are about
Man... these DH's are about as crazy as their Ex's so makes you wonder why couldn't they just stay together with all that combined crazy!? Nope, Crazy likes to hook itself to SANE apparently.
You've gotten some sound input here already--that's DH kid and all things regarding that kid is HIS responsibility whether he wants it or not. Your Daughter shouldn't have to suffer just because he and the BM won't do the same for their son. That's not your job. Sounds like you do some which they should be grateful for and since they aren't, you could just stop that too, yes?
My DH has no bio-kids so anything you ever see me post here is about the kid he is Father to, that the BM had from an affair when they were married. He's 9. I have a bio who's 23 and we have no kids together. My daughter lives with a roommate who is in Reserves. Every now and then they run short on some minor bill so maybe once every 3 months or so she will ask for $25-40. She's working FT, in school PT, average struggling young person. Her Father is now disabled so he can't help her at all anymore. So I will Western Union her some money and she always pays it back and I tell her to keep it.
Last week DH saw the receipt and had the nerve to tell me she's "grown" and I shouldn't give her anything. This MuthaF has some nerve!! He's paying MUCH more -voluntarily, not legally- for a kid that's not his at all and he wants to tell me not to help my own flesh and blood kid that he's never did or been asked to do a thing for! I went off on him and told him next time he wants to hand over $1000 for this or that to the Wildebeest for her miscellaneous brat, I'll remind him that it's not his kid and he shouldn't do anything for it... Dumbass... Lol
What is wrong with these
What is wrong with these men?? I am so glad I found this site and relized I am not the only one with craziness all around me!!
How do these mf men live with
How do these mf men live with themselves? Are they such self-centered narcissists that they think any product of their sperm deserves to be worshipped, adored, and supplied with endless streams of money?
Spell it out to them - NOT MY CHILD. Fuck your spawn.