The way I look at it..if they find this site (at least for me) then maybe they'll get a clue and start straightening their *sses up. We have a right to vent, to talk, to yell, to cry, to scream, to uplift one another about the issues that we are having with our blended families. If they read it, then maybe they will know the extent of what they've done to make us feel unloved, unwanted, angry, furious, depairing, frustrated, and down right helpless. We feel that we don't have a voice in what is going on in OUR house...see, all our spouses think that it's THEIR house. Little do they know that they married someone and it's become joint property. These so called spouses too forget that we have feelings, we HAVE to deal with the BS of being step-parents because we cannot discipline their children from a former relationship.

Some people might say, "If you're that unhappy, leave." Well, it's not that simple. What is simple is to say to these kids, "If you don't like it here, go back to your biological mother/father and have them deal with you." These kids feel they are owed something using the "broken home" guilt trip on everyone involved. They also feel that their biological parent needs to know that they come first in their lives and not their spouses.

Uhm. Wrong.

Some say that the kids are part of the package when someone marries a man/woman with kids. If I had a choice, I'd never marry a person with any children. There is too much drama that comes with step kids-mental and abandonment issues, growing pains, physical abuse, self-entitlements, rude behaviors, the whole bit. Children nowadays seem to feel entitled to do whatever they want, do whatever they want or they will call CPS on the parents. We as step parents cannot discipline these children because they are not ours. Uhm, pardon me. If they're living in MY house, they go by my rules or GTFO. YOU have a right to live a happy productive life and should not have to put up with SKs and a DH/DW that cannot BE parents but friends to their kids.

The issues with my SS and my DH have been displayed in local newspapers AND big news in the capital city where I currently live. My DH was so embarrassed and I know that people look down on him because of what his son did. I remember that SS told me while he was in prison that he'd like to put his prison ID number on the back of a race car that belongs to his friend. I shot back, "So..you'd like to tell everyone (where we live) that you raped a 13 year old twice and coerced her on Facebook lying that you were 17 instead of 20? Go right ahead. I mean, it's all over the papers-why not put it on the back of your friend's car to remind everyone?"

Let them read what I've written. I have not used names nor have I slandered anyone. If I used names, if I used places where I live, then it would be an issue. Otherwise, I'm letting my counselor handle this.

(((HUGS)))

If you on here lying yourself brainless about what goes on in your life, then of course no one would recognise themselves and you would never be found out.

If you are telling the truth, and it is none too flattering to the people you are talking about they find this site, recognise themselves because go the appalling behaviours you say they have, , then they must be fully aware of their appalling behaviour and are doing it on purpose.

I could not care kess if my DH sees my opinion on a good day of his daughter is she is the spawn of Satan. But if he or she recognised themselves due to things I have posted under an anonomous name, well I think they should be the ones to worry. If I found out they were so self aware that they actually could pick themselves from being described as selfish, self absorbed, vindictive, hateful, insulting, rude, ignorant spoilt brats with an over inflated sense of entitlement, who for years, isolated, insulted, ignored and humiliated me. They would be the ones who should worry. Especially DH who spent 8 years denying they were pigs.

I used to worry about this... now I don't I hope she sees it. Also maybe it would be a reality check to all the f*ucked up things BM has done.

I used to worry about it too, but at this point I just don't care. If you are worried keep it as generic as you can while giving all pertinent details. You will probably wind up not giving a crap after a while }:)

When I was going to court about two years ago fighting for custody of my kids, my xh found this site and printed out a bunch of my posts about skids. He was trying to prove that I was an incompetent mom or something like that. The GAL said it didn't show me as incompetent but rather in a normal step mom position with normal step parenting situations and she liked the fact that I was looking for answers rather then quietly dealing. She also liked the fact that DH and I were really trying to give a good home to his kids where the BM had given up her responsibility as a mom and I had taken over. She really saw strength in that fact. So it turned out that something xh was trying to make look bad about me the GAL saw good in it. I changed my name since then and deleted that last account but now I don't care anymore who sees what I write b/c I have raised a child no one else wanted to raise and I'm proud of who I am and what I've done. Might not always sound good on paper and in real life but it's the best I could do for the skids and for my kids. I gave 4 boys a good home to grow up in, BM and XH could not do that for them. So go ahead and read my story anyone! lol

I have not read the replies. But I can tell you that I was in that exact situation. My ex found me on another site, and my vents were used against me in several ways. There is NOTHING that is confidential on the 'Net.

My dh KNOWS about this site, he knows that I am on it and he is encouraging about it (unless of course I read something that freaks me out and I want to run for the hills). He also knows how I feel about skid, bm, and just about everything that involves them in some way, shape or form.

As far as if bm ever found out...IDGAF as long as it wouldn't affect my dh in some way in court or with CS then I don't care, she is a complete waste of skin and I don't care who knows it!

I am more brutely honest than most people. I tell DH the truth. I raised my child I am not interested in the kid thing. I like his kids and they are nice in small doses, but I am not interested in the whole mom/kid thing.

DH knows I am on this site and he is happy for me, that I have a place to vent and seek advice. It helped me realize from the beginning I am not their mom and not to act like it or assume roles I do not belong in. I also learned from here not to engage in any conversations with crazo.

He also knows I am ready for his kids to go back to crazo's. It is our 6 weeks summer visitation. In 4 1/2 years I never missed them when they were not with us or not wanted them to leave. They so far are easy and have never talked back or disrespected me in any way. Truthfully my skids are easy. But they are not mine. They are his and crazo's.

After being on here over two years. I took the best of everyone's wisdom on this site and I developed my own law of truths, that I live by. They are posted at my house, and at my office. They are a constant reminder to me to keep my boundaries healthy.

1. I am a emptynester stepparent. My stepchildren have two involved parents. I don’t need to take on a parenting role.
I already parented mine.

2. I am a wife first, parent second, and a stepparent third. I like me and I will create time and space for myself.

3. I am a mom. And I will spend time with my adult, independent, happy daughter when I want. Your children do not come before my daughter.

4. My husband chose his former wife to be his children's mother. He must take responsibility for the consequences of that choice for himself and his children.

5. Whatever dynamic exists between my husband and his former wife does not involve me. They must work together for their children's benefit.

6. I will be kind to my stepchildren. I will support my husband in his role as their dad. I will contribute – on my own terms.

DH knows I am on a website so does my MIL my laptop is left on te coffee table I have no worry on who sees...everything I post DH and I have most likely already discussed.

If BM finds it oh well I don't care how she feels I go to a website she will start talking around town about her feelings.

I honestly don't think DH would recognize himself if he did find this site, he's so much in denial about SD20 and himself and how he parents her.

I think that if you don't want people to read what you write on a public internet forum, then you should probably not write it. Disguising names, places, and things of that nature can help evade anyone you think is searching for you.

I understand the need to vent and find help, and I know that can be hard to do in a real life scenario with other people face to face .. but the internet offers no expectation of privacy.

That being said, DH knows I come here. He reads my blogs/posts, and several other people's too. He doesn't have a username and post here, but he does log into my account sometimes to be able to search for my stuff more easily.

It's a good thing for us because it allows me to vet my frustrations/questions completely and verbalize complete thoughts, before soliciting or receiving his input/feedback.

I wouldn't mind as I say most of this to DH. I don't say it as I do here when I'm venting but that is what this site is for. I don't think he'd lurk anyway because I did have another site I'd visit--it was about lot of stuff, not particularly kids. Anyway, he found it and read something that I'd posted about trying to find ways to bond with SS back when he was 6. It was a very nice post, really just trying to get help on how to bond with him as 2 years in, I was still feeling neutral as if he was just a neighbors kid. In past, I'd bonded or at least had reasonable affection with the kids if a date had them. I always got along with the Moms for most part. So I posted to ask as I still was okay with BM back then (didn't know her well enough to know any better) and SS was younger and I'm more tolerant of younger kids.

Yet when he found it, he read it in a negative tone and it was NOTHING like that. I was pissed he'd read something I'd wrote in private, took away my ability to talk with him about it. I chewed him out about it severely. He was upset that I "told people the boy wasn't his" but I said that to ask if maybe that's why I couldn't bond with him as he isn't his Bio-Kid. He's so different from DH that I can see NOTHING in personality or looks or anything in the kid to reflect DH so it makes him even more like a little stranger. Now that he's older (9) and really starting to look like whomever he came from, (as he does not look like BM) it's not any better. Anyway, if DH found what I've said here, I'd be pissed as it's my place to Vent & he'd once again violated, but he'd not be surprised by anything because I've said it all to him. I don't think he even knows this exist though.

I don't give a shit what BM thinks when I post what a tramp she was. She is now ultra-religious in a church where she speaks in tongues and professes to all that she is a saint.

So at 50 she is no longer banging every guy she can - does that make her "Miss Perfect Pam". She's such an ugly pig that the pool of available men has certainly dried up. Does that now make her righteous because no one wants to bang her?

My FDH found my account and read my posts shortly after I started an account on this site. At first my heart skipped a beat when he told me but then I realized that he was getting nothing but the unfiltered truth of how I feel about things by reading this. That was before we were engaged, so clearly through it all he still loves me and we've gotten better with our communication in regard to raising his son in the same household together. I could only DREAM of BM finding me on this site. bahahahaha.. I wish she would.