Got the bill for BM's lunacy and do I miss SS6 (venting)
The hospital bill for BM's night of complete idiocy came in the mail today. She put DH down as the responsible party for her taking SS6 to the hospital because he was throwing a tantrum. Really?
They are both required to provide insurance for SS6 seperately. According to the CO DH has to provide her with a copy of his insurance card and they both have to split any costs that are not covered by insurance 50/50. BM has no insurance for SS6, she has him enrolled at the local free clinic but that is it.
It just pisses me off royally that she put DH down as financially responsible for the bill when she is the idiot that took him to the hospital in the first place. This is a $139 temper tantrum, and we haven't received the bill from the physician yet. I can't help but be upset towards SS6 too, because he threw the fit in the first place. He throws these wild tantrums, and they are mind blowing in their level of escalation, but, as step-mom there is nothing I can really do about any of it, so I just kind of sit in the background and try not to be involved.
DH won't try to get the child mental help, I don't think he believes he needs it. BM won't get him mental help, she is too lazy to bother. I legally cannot do a damn thing for this poor little boy and am stuck watching what appears to me to be a huge downward spiral that will not end well when he gets into his teenage years. Getting the bill just made all of this frustration boil over I guess.
DH has made vast improvements in his parenting in the last two years, but there are somethings that have not yet changed, and those things are the most frustrating.
DH actually asked me if I missed SS6 the other day. While we were out to dinner no less. Unfortunately I wasn't able to lie quickly enough and just sat there going "ummmmm, do you want me to miss him?" and then the rest of the night was shot because I don't miss his snowflake. It isn't that I don't care about SS6. But I am incredibly frustrated with him right now, and it has been wonderfully peaceful with out him. I can go out in public without worrying about his behavior, I can cook dinner without fear of fall out, etc. I am not depressed, or stressed, or worried all the time, and it has been extremely nice.
Hi Auberry, I don't know much
Hi Auberry,
I don't know much about ss but it sounds like he has issues. Maybe he needs counseling/professional help. At his age, there's not a whole lot he can do about this situation. I know it is very frustrating, but I think dh may want to look into getting ss help.
And you may want to consider getting counseling for yourself. Being a sm isn't easy.
SS6 does have issues, and he
SS6 does have issues, and he does need help. DH, however, refuses to acknowledge this. I have begged him to and he just blows it off. He called a couple of councelors and talked to them himself, told them about SS6's behaviors and sch, and says they told him all of this is normal in a blended family and SS6 just needs time to adjust. Of course, these counselors are adult counselors who have never seen or spoken with SS6. His tantrums are violent, he bites, scratches, kicks, hits, etc. He screams so loud you can hear him outside the house with all the doors and windows shut, and he will scream for an hour plus. And these tantrums come up with little or no warning. One particularly infamous one happened in a resteraunt, all because we told him to ask for someone to pass the ketchup rather than lunge across the table for it.
I understand blending a family takes time, and I expect the kids to act out somewhat, but I think SS6's acting out is extreme. DH spazs out if BS9 sasses him or ignores him, but if SS6 bites me and screams the rafters down then "He just needs time to adjust" (and BS9 does not get away with being a punk, I don't put up with him disrespecting my DH)
I am frustrated, and I probably do need to see a counselor. I am frustrated at seeing a kid who needs help and I can't do anything about it, and the responsible parties won't do anything about it. It is just such a lose/lose situation for everyone right now.
Honestly, I am tempted to video SS6's tantrums to show to his pediatrician or a counselor what it looks like, so they can see. Because honestly, most of them are just like, oh, kids throw fits, deal with it.
I don't think she can legally
I don't think she can legally put your husband down as the responsible party. I'd call the hospital and say I am not paying it.
Same here.
Same here.
She cannot put your DH down
She cannot put your DH down as the responsible party. My FDH and I went through this with SD20. We proved we lived in another state and they did not have FDH's signature. We also told them it was fraud and we would get an attorney.
If it were that easy everyone would be putting someone else as responsible for their medical bills.
In that case, I'm getting
In that case, I'm getting full body lipo and billing it to Donald Trump.
I could use some Botox. I'm
I could use some Botox. I'm going to have BM pay for it.
I will have Bill Gates cover
I will have Bill Gates cover my tummy tuck and bringing my National Geographic breasts back to their Playboy glory!!!
I would not tolerate DH
I would not tolerate DH spazzing out on my son, especially if he won't address HIS son's issues. Tell him to leave your kid alone!
He doesn't actually spaz out
He doesn't actually spaz out ON my son, he comes to me and spazzes at me that BS is being rude. I don't tolerate the rudeness, but I sometimes feel like giving him the V8 head bop because I am like, really BS rolled his eyes and it is the end of the world, but SS bring it is all love, peace, and understanding. Prime example of how loving the bios can be easier.
"(From what you have posted
"(From what you have posted previously it sounds like your ss has "need-a-kick-in-the-ass-syndrome".)" <--- LOL, I like this
I can definitely see how DH and BM are at the center of all of this. In fact, the realization that the parents have really created this drama has helped save what little sanity I have left LOL.
I think sometimes I feel desperate and frustrated and am looking for anything at all that might help. DH and BM have taken parenting classes, a For The Kids class offered by the state. But, in a way it has hurt more than helped because it had DH convinced you can never discipline the child and BM throwing classroom material up everytime she wants to start drama. DH is all "Well, the class says that setting such and such limitation is child abuse" and BM is "I can't believe you set such and such limitation, that is abuse, I am taking you to court!!" It is a mess. DH's #1 issue is he doesn't want to deal with BM, and BM has straight up admitted that she is causing as much conflict as possible to get back at him for kicking her out and taking custody of SS6. In fact, when it is written down, you can really see where the problems are, can't you?
Sounds like your SS has some
Sounds like your SS has some severe psychiatrc issues .. If you don't mind my asking, how does he behave in school?
I had a situation just like
I had a situation just like that, my husband keeps insurance on SS and BM is suppose to be responsible for 100% of what insurance doesnt cover . BM done the same thing , She put my husband as responsible party. We started to get bills, my husband would just keep giving BM the bill for her to take care of and the hospital keep resending the bill to our house cause BM wouldn't take care of it, so I got mad and I called the hospital myself (cause my husband says he can't talk to people) and told them the situation and they were more than happy to take care of it, the hospital has never sent us another bill.
first, your dh needs to clear
first, your dh needs to clear up the hospital bill by calling them. they'd have to provide proof of his signature. if he's not willing to do this and get help for his kid, then you're going to have to start protecting yourself. separate finances and begin disengaging from his kid. there's alot of info on this board regarding both of these acts of self-preservation. good luck.
I wish the hospital we dealt
I wish the hospital we dealt with was as nice as the one you dealt with was candice. SD15 was staying with friends several summers ago & fell on a trampoline. They took her to the ER & I'm guessing BM gave them permission. All I know is we didn't know a thing about it until we got a notice months later saying the bill hadn't been paid & if it wasn't paid in 10 days they were taking my DH to court. I called the hospital (since she was also covered under my insurance, as primary, and step dad's as secondary) & they didn't even want to talk to me. I told them DH was only ordered to pay half & BM has to pay the other half. Turns out BM & her current DH were listed as the responsible party & she called & had her DH taken off & mine put on. We paid DH's half & sent a copy of the CO order stating BM was responsible for the other half...guess what? They didn't care. DH got a summons for a judgment against him (and of course BM), so we ended up having to pay the other half since neither DH or I can have any blemishes on our credit for our jobs. Cleared her name too, which burns me up.
She had the nerve to ask the judge for the money she supposedly paid for that bill like a year later when they went to court. She never filed to recoup it (and neither did DH which burned me up too), so the judge told her she'd need to file a separate motion to hear it. She never did & we never heard anymore about it.
Oh my!! That was awful, I am
Oh my!! That was awful, I am so glad we didn't have to go through that, BM has already made a lot of problems for us, glad this one was easy for me to deal with, I'm so sorry for you.