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Open Letter on Blended Families by Jada Pinkett

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Submitted by SanAntonioSoccerMom on Tue, 07/09/2013 - 9:07pm

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Open Letter from Jada Pinkett Smith read it, then go to the link and look at the picture she posted with it.

Blended families are NEVER easy, but here’s why I don’t have a lot of sympathy for your situation because… we CHOOSE them. When I married Will, I knew Trey was part of the package…Period! If I didn’t want that…I needed to marry someone else. Then I learned if I am going to love Trey…I had to learn to love the most important person in the world to him…his mother. And the two of us may not have always LIKED each other… but we have learned to LOVE each other.

I can’t support any actions that keep a man from his children of a previous marriage. These are the situations that separate the women from the girls. Your behavior is that of an insecure child who needs to recognize her own weaknesses that MUST be strengthened to take on the task at hand. We can’t say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT’S selfishness…NOT love. WOMAN UP… I’ve been there…I know. My blended family made me a giant… Taught me so much about love, commitment and it has been the biggest ego death to date. It’s time you let your blended family make you the giant you truly are.

-J

*****

http://mrsgrapevine.com/2013/02/jada-pinkett-smiths-advice-blended-famil...

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Submitted by SanAntonioSoccerMom on Tue, 07/09/2013 - 10:10pm

I think it is great they can all get along but that is definitely not the norm. I remember watching an awards show years ago and Will thanked both his wife and ex-wife for being mature and allowing certain things to happen (I forget what it was.)

Both Will and his first wife moved on and married other people. They are both happy, I think if people can move on and put their kids best interests first that is always a good thing.

myspoonistoobig's picture

Submitted by myspoonistoobig on Tue, 07/09/2013 - 11:01pm

Yes, because being a stepmom for whom money will never be a factor, completely puts her on the level of all of us, and makes her an authority on blended family dynamics.

I'm sorry, I know she means well, but this 'hard-ass' approach she takes with everyone, assuming that they are all as fortunate, is bullshit.

It's like Ann Romney trying to talk about how she identifies with SAHM... uh huh....

BelleTolls's picture

Submitted by BelleTolls on Tue, 07/09/2013 - 11:06pm

Lol.

These people have a PR image they have to maintain. Anyone can sit and write manifestos as long as it keeps the $$$$ rolling in. ::eye roll::

I'm glad it's working for her. "Bless her heart"

BelleTolls's picture

Submitted by BelleTolls on Tue, 07/09/2013 - 11:29pm

And I'm one of those HAPPY SMs who has the kids FULL TIME and I STILL think Mrs. Smith should STFU.

I wonder how many meals she's PERSONALLY cooked that got sneered at and rejected....how many wet (but otherwise clean) towels she's picked up off the floor? How many nights did she spend worrying about her stepson's academic achievements (or lack thereof) just to be told by BM she's "not the mom"?

The list can go on...maybe when I'm more worried about my husband's latest summer blockbuster flopping, but still have all the $$$ he got paid to make it and stroll across the red carpet after my macro-biotic smoothie and personal training session, THEN I would take the time to tell other women to "WOMAN UP"... WTF does that even mean, anyway?

::grabs genitals and walks away smugly::

Its_My_Life_Too's picture

Submitted by Its_My_Life_Too on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 8:08pm

I loved the grabs genitals bit. It reminds me of when men say they have "balls" Like balls are actually made of steel and make them the stronger sex... oh come on... when you push an 8 pound object out of your vag and leek for 5-7 days every month, then get back to me Biggrin Balls make them stronger, HAH, one little bump and they are bent over in pain :eye roll:

In regards to the post- When BM and SM can get along, that's great.... it sure would make things a lot easier. But unfortunately in most situations one of the sides is completely unbearably horrible to the other. -_-'

dledden's picture

Submitted by dledden on Fri, 07/12/2013 - 1:01pm

EXACTLY, how much does Jada have to really deal with her skid? Probably not so much. Let the nannies take care of them. Money never an issue if BM isn't trying to rape Will in child support court. I presume this is a very different scenario than most of the rest of us have.

twopines's picture

Submitted by twopines on Tue, 07/09/2013 - 11:26pm

I think if she truly and honestly felt this way, she would have encouraged Will to get back with his ex in order to keep Will's package intact.

Or package deal intact.

Er, someone's package.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Submitted by SanAntonioSoccerMom on Wed, 07/10/2013 - 7:22am

Strangely enough, I ran into her (literally) on a hiking trail in Arizona YEARS ago, I'm not sure if she was married to Will yet. She is TINY, tiny little bug like tiny.

jaal's picture

Submitted by jaal on Wed, 07/10/2013 - 7:55am

So what happens when the BM is a complete, irrational psychopath? Her ex-husband is just SOL on love for the rest of his life, since any woman who might be interested in him will find it impossible to love her?

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Wed, 07/10/2013 - 8:15am

We can’t say we love our man and then come in between him and his children. THAT’S selfishness…NOT love.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I do not agree we have to LOVE BM at all. But this comment is right on the money IMHO. And I see way too many SM's on here that are trying to come between the man and his kids.

SanAntonioSoccerMom's picture

Submitted by SanAntonioSoccerMom on Wed, 07/10/2013 - 8:18am

I agree also. I don't get the whole "you have love SS's mother" bit, but the rest was pretty accurate.

I did laugh over the picture though, that is a bit much.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Wed, 07/10/2013 - 9:33am

Yeah, I agree. I certainly don't love BM. Many of us will never even like the BM. If we can just get to a place of not hating BM, that's great. That, IMHO, should be the goal. Not to love BM, but not loathe her either.

That said, the rest of what she said makes sense to me. Many here do seem to try to come between the man and his kids. Many hold these kids too responsible for many things. They may "know better" but the fact is that they are still KIDS who are struggling to navigate through tough situations they didn't ask to be in. I see many trying to come between the dad and his kids in the way of setting up rules for SKs that don't apply to their BKs.

So many of the situations here make me say, "No wonder the kids act out. Their parents f@ck them up, people hold them to adult levels of accountability when they still need to be held accountable, but to a much smaller degree, and these kids have SPs who do try to interfere in their relationships with their BPs."

I know I'll get flamed for it, but I do feel it is true.

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Wed, 07/10/2013 - 11:17am

I agree.

I don't necessarily include BM in any of my personal goals, but I have learned over time that she will never NOT hate ME. So I do not interact with her or force myself on her. I don't love or hate her .. I just don't care about her or what she thinks at all.

Executivestepmother's picture

Submitted by Executivestepmother on Wed, 07/10/2013 - 6:48pm

Millions of dollars.... hmmm... wonder if that would make a difference

anafiodorova's picture

Submitted by anafiodorova on Thu, 07/11/2013 - 1:31am

I do not think that the problem is for women to woman up . I think men should men up and respect , prioritize and set clear boundaries for their ex wives , BMs and children.
If a woman does not feel respected, priority and protected by her man she will not feel secure. Insecure women are not girls that have to become women. I was very secure, independent and happy. I was assured that he has clear boundaries and his act together. Only to discover that this was the case on the surface. When asked to deal with it as a man and stand up or man up he was too weak and full of guilt that he never married BM. I was the woman in this case and womaned up and left. He would have wanted the convenience and dysfunction for as long as it served him. I did the mature thing and left so that he can man up. Hopefully!

christinen's picture

Submitted by christinen on Tue, 07/16/2013 - 3:21pm

Jada got lucky to have a BM that is nice and easy to deal with. Most of us aren't that lucky. She should speak for herself and herself only. My BM is a jealous, insane wack job whose mission in life is to cause problems in my marriage. How could I (and why SHOULD I) be nice to someone like that??!