Feeling Overwhelmed by SS's Behaviour
So SS has been with us for 3 weeks now for the summer and it has been hell trying to correct his bad behavior. He is 9 and behaves IMO around the level you would expect from a 4-5 year old. He throws tantrums, doesn't flush toilets and makes a mess, never remembers to shower or brush his teeth, gets into and breaks all electronics and appliances in the house, runs outside and doesn't tell anyone, etc. He also has no manners and does not pick up after himself. I know some of this is normal, but BM apparently never disciplines him and lets him run wild at her house. I am a SAHM to DD1 so SS is also with me during the day. My DH works long hours so I probably do 90% of the parenting of SS while he is here. I am so sick and tired of his atrocious behavior. It is embarrassing to bring him out in public and have to correct him. I've brought him with me and DD to visit with my friends and their kids, and he was so bad, even my friend thought it was necessary to correct him while he was there. He never hears me and I have to repeat myself about 3 times every time I ask him to do something. DH is totally supportive of me and is behind me with regards to parenting SS. BM also does not cause much drama in that respect and has told me to not let SS walk all over me and implement any consequences as I see fit. But the problem is SS. Being that he's 9, I kind of feel like he's getting to the age where teaching him basic respect, manners and rules are too late. I just don't know how much I should be trying to help raise him right, especially if I'm doing the work of both parents. The thing is, because he's with me 24/7 for the summer and possibly for the next school year, I don't have a choice to disengage.
HAve you borrowed my SS8?
HAve you borrowed my SS8? He's exactly the same! Get a sitter for the rest of the summer and disengage. Seriously. I disengaged two days ago, and the sense of relief I feel is overwhelming!
Oh yes you can disengage.
Oh yes you can disengage. That's your DH kid and the Visitation for him was set to allow DH time with him. DH is at work. Now, were you not there, what would DH do? He'd have to put him in Summer Camp. That's what he needs to be doing right now.
Like you said, he's 9 and short of some mental disorder, he should know to behave by now. My pseudoSS is also 9 and also does not like to shower, brush his teeth or clean up after himself. He has no rules and is rarely watched at home with BM so he is not 'house-trained' as in no how to take care of things. He runs over and through strangers like a wild something in public. I cannot stand dealing with him and was at wits end because DH would also have him here and then go off to work, come home play Great Dad and do fun stuff. Finally last Summer, I hit the Wall and hit the Roof. Disengaged. Learned about it coming here. If I hadn't, right now, I'd be dealing with the brat by myself as he's here for his 3rd Visit of the Summer for 10 days. DH had to take the time off of work. Yes it sacrificed some of our Vacation Days but so be it--I will not work (as I work from home) and deal with any kid, especially one like him. DH had this idea that when my company shifted us to telecommuting, it was Free For All on my babysitting. I have an actual job as a Project Manager for a global company -no floaty bs- deadlines, meetings, 8:30-5 which is often 7-7p so just as I wouldn't have a kid in the office with me, I can't have one running back and forth, eating and having to be told what to do all day at home with me.
DH and BM is responsible for their kid. You have a baby to look after that needs your full attention and running around behind a kid that should be able to fend for himself and sit his tail down somewhere for awhile, is not fair to you. Tell DH to put the kid in Summer Camp at LEAST 3 days per week for the Summer. His kid, his responsibility. Don't be the Easy Way out just because you are there.