Any advice for vacations and separating the blended family? I'm desperate!
So here goes my events of the last week. We went on vacation to visit DH family. It was DH, 16 YO SD, 12 YO SS, 24 YO BD and her fiance. Before I start with the events of the week I guess I should state that this is the 5th annual vacation in a row where my SD has created problems. Example in the past she was mad that she had to sleep on a pull out sleeper so I gave her and her brother the master bedroom in the condo. The same thing happened at my parents house in Florida so I again gave her the master bedroom. I guess I made my own bed by giving in to her....
So here it is. SD tells DH that she doesn't want me and my daughter to go away with them. DH tells her too bad, it's not her choice. when I learned of this I told my DH I didn't want to go, that I knew this vacation would be horrible. He assured me he had it under control.
From the very first day of vacation, SD ignores me and my daugher, snaps and yells at me for everything, including conversations that didn't include her. She repeatedly added her comments into discussions between me and my DH or me and my BD. She treated me like absolute crap with everything she did. She wouldn't even look at me. I paid for activities on vacation and all she did was complain that it wasn't good enough. I tried to remaind calm but on Friday, two days before we were to come home, I snapped and let her have it. Another occurence on Saturday with a much larger blow up. Needless to say, it didn't end well.
So here's my dilemna, I've already told my DH that vacations will be separate from now on. I don't want him to choose, so He can have his time with his kids, and he and I will have time on our own. My kids are older and capable of their own vacations now so I'm not so concerned. Has anyone tried this with their blended families? Did it help or make matters worse. Some of my family has told me I'm giving in to her and giving her what she wants. But my sanity is more important than fighting with this little brat. I know once she realizes that we'll be traveling and doing things without her she'll be sweet as pie to try and and weezel her way in. When she realizes it won't work with me any longer, it's bound to make matters worse. Any thoughts? :?
I really like the idea of
I really like the idea of inviting him on MY vacations. This way, when he daughter complains to him or me, I can simply say, "It's MY vacation, and I've invited who will be traveling with me this year. If you didnt receive an invitation, maybe you need to spend some time thinking why!"
Yep.
Yep.
Solid pop in the mouth and on
Solid pop in the mouth and on her @$$! LOL. Not my place though and DH is not much of a disciplinarian....if you know what I mean.
My fear of leaving just her home is putting her 12 YO brother in a bad position. I wouldn't want him to feel like he has to choose or have to take crap from his sister. she's really rotten to him. I'm sure we'll do some weekend stuff with just him so that will hopefully make up for it. DH can take them both where ever he wants.....just as long as I can stay HOME!
Hmmmmmm....definiately
Hmmmmmm....definiately something to think aoubt. No family vacations for the next two years. I think I like that even more!
That's not saying he and I can't go away on our own!!!
Yes it's her father's
Yes it's her father's responsibility to parent her but it's a little late for him to start.
I would verbally rip her a new one if she was being rude and obnoxious to me. And I would not need to yell and scream. You can do a lot of damage with words even when spoken in a calm manner.
She's no longer a small child. No need to worry about her little "fee fees".
I tried not to let it happend
I tried not to let it happend on this trip but I didn't have backing from my DH. Without that, I don't stand a chance. I feel like I don't want to go with them. They're so used to me doing all of the cooking, cleaning and planning, they'll all be lost on their own. My DH will have to do it all......he won't last long without exploding......trust me!
Too bad I can't convince my
Too bad I can't convince my DH that's what he needs to do. His daughter has controlled him for way too long. :sick:
I'm hopeful to convince my DH
I'm hopeful to convince my DH to go away for a few days without his kids....I'm not sure how succesful I'll be. He usually won't go anywhere unless the kids are traveling with their mother, that way, he doesn't feel guilty for leaving them behind. It drives me nuts! :jawdrop:
My situation is like Identity
My situation is like Identity Crisis, SD14,SS12, SD8 and bios DS18, DD9, DS 2. Every Christmas for 4 years in a row we have taken all children on vacation. I go completely insane and swore last year it was the last time I was going, so this year I am determined to not go.
This year my 18DS moved out, and he has no interest in holidaying with us for the time being, he is enjoying his freedom and independence.
I arranged and paid for a holiday this year for me and my two youngest. I told SO he could come and bring who ever he liked but he would have to pay for himself and his children - the flights and accommodation for 4 extra people was a fortune. So he paid for himself, could not afford all his children.
So I did the same as Identity Crisis, organised my own trip, then invited SO.