I need to be more direct. He does know how I feel about them moving in. I'm afraid to be the bad guy and despised even more.
Sometimes I think we should help them again, but not sure how. Don't want to keep enabling them.
After all the help we (and others) have given in the past they are no better off.
Just say no. That's what I did last year when one SD 29 Year old wanted to move in. Just kinda throwing the idea around and I flat out told DH - NO she cannot live with us. End of story!
You have to be absolute clear that them moving in is NOT an option. Now if he chooses to do so against your express wishes than you have a bigger problem. You have to make it clear that he is not to move any adults into your home - not his children, not a friend and not a girlfriend/lover. All are equally repugnant.
Thanks for the advice. I need to do something NOW! Before it is to late. :jawdrop:
Foxie's idea of a restraining order is a good idea. May need this down the road.
My SK's will NEVER live with us again. I do not care if they are homeless, esp my SD. We did everything for them and when they got of age to speak to their BM we were the assholes. My SD made our lives hell, and is still trying. I am lucky my DH feels the same way. He told them if they tried to come in between us in any way they would be on the outside looking in.
I am in the same situation as you. DH will not budge, when it comes to adult kids. His wants them around all of the time. SS has over the years moved his butt in in a subtle way. Sleeping over on the odd occassion and before I knew it he was living there (sort of). Dh has to drive him around too. That is not mentioning him getting the car to visit his friends and date nights and DH wanting to hang with me when he has no transport of his own. Good luck with it all. I hope it does not come to what you fear the most. Sorry I have no advice. I was just not enough of a bitch I guess.
DH is slowly becoming aware of their lies and manipulation. He is not so quick to give them money anymore.
Time will tell how well he can withstand their manipulations.
They are master manipulators.
They use tears, fears, the grandkids, dramas, etc. and on and on.
Well, I had an ADULT skid tell DH last week, that they think it's the best thing for them to move in with us. Luckily, DH and I had already been to Hell and back with ass1, so DH does not want to go there again !!!
Everyday, I thank my lucky stars too, that we moved countries, and were able to put distance between us and the crazy. ( Moving wasn't a whim, DH followed an amazing work offer, which luckily is paying off, but it is hard work ) DH and I also had the many conversations about ADULT skids living with us ( even if we were in the same country as them ) and DH decided the rules in that situation IF it ever happened. Normal stuff, like skids need to be working full-time, would pay us a proper rent, and would have to be responsible for cleaning, etc. So really, I knew then that it would like never happen, if we were still in that country, as ass1 has not worked for years, during further education, and barely managed one shift of a few hours when she did, years ago, and ass2 is looking for work, three years and looking ??? Both are lazy and entitled, so the chances of a skid living with us, was way low anyway, maybe 5% chance......
Ideas for not letting them move in, drastic measures are down sizing ( many have done this, especially in the current economy ) Personally, I made sure DH and I covered all the bases, plenty of convos about " what if .... " and what DH would do. I deshrined the house as soon as ass1 left, that bedroom became a Gym !! I also disengaged, so now I rarely even mention the skids, it's only when they contact DH ( hardly ever and usually for money, or to tell DH they are moving in !!l lol ! ) and he starts a convo about them ....
Sweetnothings, it is good to hear you were able to work things out.
I did have us downsize years ago to a 2 bdrm.
DH was manipulated into buying a small trailer for them to sleep in.
Thanks for all the advice.
Husband still said they can live here if they want to. :sick:
I tried to explain we can't afford paying for their car insurance (no drivers license due to tickets), cell phones, clothes, food, medical bills, cigarettes and alcohol, housewares, mattresses, bedding etc. and on and on.
We live on social security now and have a little savings.
Then there is the stress of them taking over our house and manipulating my husband into giving them control over all our finances, assets and property.
They all try to keep me in the dark until the deeds are done.
Just shoot me now.
I will give updates as they happen. So many games are being played.
You have battle ahead. Do both you and your DH own your home? If you own half the home you have the right to refuse skids from living there. If you share a joint checking account now, separate the accounts as soon as possible and pay only for your share of living expenses. Then disengage - let DH do EVERYTHING for them, cook, clean, etc.
Being related to a fire fighter makes you more informed? I was a fire fighter too. I think the best thing is to go to lawyer who IS informed about the law.
I need to be more direct. He
I need to be more direct. He does know how I feel about them moving in. I'm afraid to be the bad guy and despised even more.
Sometimes I think we should help them again, but not sure how. Don't want to keep enabling them.
After all the help we (and others) have given in the past they are no better off.
Depends on their attitude to
Depends on their attitude to him, you and their ages. But if they're over 21 I'd be thinking they need to get their own place.
Just say no. That's what I
Just say no. That's what I did last year when one SD 29 Year old wanted to move in. Just kinda throwing the idea around and I flat out told DH - NO she cannot live with us. End of story!
You have to be absolute clear
You have to be absolute clear that them moving in is NOT an option. Now if he chooses to do so against your express wishes than you have a bigger problem. You have to make it clear that he is not to move any adults into your home - not his children, not a friend and not a girlfriend/lover. All are equally repugnant.
Any parent who wants to
Any parent who wants to enable worthless adult spawn by letting them come move in is not someone worth being married to.
Thanks for the advice. I need
Thanks for the advice. I need to do something NOW! Before it is to late. :jawdrop:
Foxie's idea of a restraining order is a good idea. May need this down the road.
My SK's will NEVER live with
My SK's will NEVER live with us again. I do not care if they are homeless, esp my SD. We did everything for them and when they got of age to speak to their BM we were the assholes. My SD made our lives hell, and is still trying. I am lucky my DH feels the same way. He told them if they tried to come in between us in any way they would be on the outside looking in.
I'm happy for you. You truly
My husband has chosen his adult kids over my sanity.
I am in the same situation as
I am in the same situation as you. DH will not budge, when it comes to adult kids. His wants them around all of the time. SS has over the years moved his butt in in a subtle way. Sleeping over on the odd occassion and before I knew it he was living there (sort of). Dh has to drive him around too. That is not mentioning him getting the car to visit his friends and date nights and DH wanting to hang with me when he has no transport of his own. Good luck with it all. I hope it does not come to what you fear the most. Sorry I have no advice. I was just not enough of a bitch I guess.
DH is slowly becoming aware
DH is slowly becoming aware of their lies and manipulation. He is not so quick to give them money anymore.
Time will tell how well he can withstand their manipulations.
They are master manipulators.
They use tears, fears, the grandkids, dramas, etc. and on and on.
Well, I had an ADULT skid
Well, I had an ADULT skid tell DH last week, that they think it's the best thing for them to move in with us. Luckily, DH and I had already been to Hell and back with ass1, so DH does not want to go there again !!!
Everyday, I thank my lucky stars too, that we moved countries, and were able to put distance between us and the crazy. ( Moving wasn't a whim, DH followed an amazing work offer, which luckily is paying off, but it is hard work ) DH and I also had the many conversations about ADULT skids living with us ( even if we were in the same country as them ) and DH decided the rules in that situation IF it ever happened. Normal stuff, like skids need to be working full-time, would pay us a proper rent, and would have to be responsible for cleaning, etc. So really, I knew then that it would like never happen, if we were still in that country, as ass1 has not worked for years, during further education, and barely managed one shift of a few hours when she did, years ago, and ass2 is looking for work, three years and looking ??? Both are lazy and entitled, so the chances of a skid living with us, was way low anyway, maybe 5% chance......
Ideas for not letting them move in, drastic measures are down sizing ( many have done this, especially in the current economy ) Personally, I made sure DH and I covered all the bases, plenty of convos about " what if .... " and what DH would do. I deshrined the house as soon as ass1 left, that bedroom became a Gym !! I also disengaged, so now I rarely even mention the skids, it's only when they contact DH ( hardly ever and usually for money, or to tell DH they are moving in !!l lol ! ) and he starts a convo about them ....
Sweetnothings, it is good to
Sweetnothings, it is good to hear you were able to work things out.
I did have us downsize years ago to a 2 bdrm.
DH was manipulated into buying a small trailer for them to sleep in.
Thanks for all the
Thanks for all the advice.
Husband still said they can live here if they want to. :sick:
I tried to explain we can't afford paying for their car insurance (no drivers license due to tickets), cell phones, clothes, food, medical bills, cigarettes and alcohol, housewares, mattresses, bedding etc. and on and on.
We live on social security now and have a little savings.
Then there is the stress of them taking over our house and manipulating my husband into giving them control over all our finances, assets and property.
They all try to keep me in the dark until the deeds are done.
Just shoot me now.
I will give updates as they happen. So many games are being played.
You have battle ahead. Do
You have battle ahead. Do both you and your DH own your home? If you own half the home you have the right to refuse skids from living there. If you share a joint checking account now, separate the accounts as soon as possible and pay only for your share of living expenses. Then disengage - let DH do EVERYTHING for them, cook, clean, etc.
Yes our property is in both
SKs told DH they wouldn't kick me out if he dies, but would get rid of me when I'm too much trouble.
Thanks for the advice sandye21. They sound like good ideas.
Being related to a fire
Being related to a fire fighter makes you more informed? I was a fire fighter too. I think the best thing is to go to lawyer who IS informed about the law.
What? I don't think you meant
What? I don't think you meant to post this here.
Sorry - You are right.
Sorry - You are right.