We will always have to walk on egg-shells?
So dh and I are on the phone with ysd over the weekend. Ysd mentions that her bf's parents are coming out to visit. Dh really wants to go visit sd and so do I and I have been bugging him about it. So dh mentions to sd that we are thinking of coming out and how excited Disillusioned is about it
I pipe up and say to sd that ya I've been bugging dh about it. Now the tone of the discussion changes. Sd completely ignores my comment and says to dh "don't stress about it dad" I got the feeling my comment had irked her and I'm guessing because she didn't like hearing that her sm has to bug her dad to visit her, especially when it was the sm telling her this!
Now keep in mind ysd and I have a great relationship. We talk all the time and she tells me she loves/misses me often. I know she values my relationship in her life.
I mentioned this to her simply to convey how excited I am to visit her and keep bugging dh about it - not for her to think he's only visiting because I bugged him about it 
Guess it doesn't matter how close you are to our skids there is always going to be some walking on egg-shells going on. I think there is never that full trust that intentions truly are only good
That sucks StepAside...about
That sucks StepAside...about your sm sending your birthday cards with dh's name on it. But this is so something dh would do AND it had nothing to do with him not caring enough to sign sd's cards himself. When dh and bm were married bm always looked after that, so naturally dh eventually expected me to do the same.
I refused to do so and told dh outright that sd's would not be happy with that...but ya, I so did not mean that comment to ysd the other day and do understand why it made her angry
I understand your dilemma with your osd31 (same age as dh's eldest daughter)
You so did the right thing and extended the olive branch...I feel bad that you now have to worry that sd will turn on you - walking on eggs shells is so the way it is
Whatever happens you did the bigger thing and you can at least feel good about that
I so hope it works out well on that day for you!
Awww SA - leave the poor cat
Awww SA - leave the poor cat out of it! Don't you know they bathe themselves? Why risk your life? LOL
awwwww, can't you get some
awwwww, can't you get some non-allergenic dry shampoo for him?
That reminds me.....our demon
That reminds me.....our demon cat needs another bath and lion cut already.
My boy needs a bath and nail trim as well.
this is so typical of how the
this is so typical of how the last 14 years have been for us as well. You and your home will never measure up to how it is and was at BM's house. Nothing we ever did or have is EVER as good as BM's. got sick to death of hearing how great everything she did, everything she bought and everything she cooked was sooooo much better then ours. PUKE!
Eggshells, broken glass, or a
Eggshells, broken glass, or a mine field, you're surrounded in step-life and it's tough to figure out which direction is the right one to take. You can't win, no matter what you do.
My theory is that it is not
My theory is that it is not the new relationship that does not work. It is really what was wrong with the original relationships in the first place. in this woman's case it sounds like the old mother who is wanting too much from her relationship with her son routine. Poor girl. That's a tough one.
For step parents, so often we inherit the imbalances created by the relationship of the divorced biological parents and the child.
My son is 5 years old and I promise you I am balanced and fair and encouraging when it comes to acknowledging his Dad and his step mum. He is relaxed and happy about going there and that is what matters to me. He talks happily about both households and is always encouraged to.
By comparison, I have a SD. She is not relaxed and happy. Her Mum has refused to acknowledge her dad's new life and I suspect that is the source of most of the trouble that has gone down in our home. Also somewhere along the way, when she and her dad lived together, she got confused about her role. She then saw me as intruding in her territory although I encouraged Dad and daughter time.
Sorry I do not have answers but am at least resigned to the reality and the facts. My SD also gets upset if she learns that I have suggested anything relating to she and her Dad, no matter how positive.
Shortly after we married, I
Shortly after we married, I noticed that DH was not as emotionally available to his daughter as he could be. She lived in the same town but he rarely called her. When they were together, there was no physical affection. I know part of this was his upbringing - his parents were from another country, stoic, not much touching. I encouraged him to make an effort to give her a hug once in a while, to tell her he loved her. I knew he had it in him but there was a certain awkwardness, maybe guilt, which caused hesitation. I believe SD thinks DH short-changed her, and as a result, I became the scapegoat for both SD's anger and DH's cowardise. After I disengaged, DH became the target for her anger once again. Partly because he was never truly there for her, partly because he didn't leave me and create a 'true'
Father / Daughter relationship with her. The proof of this comes out on Father's Day every year. In the 22+ years we've been married DH has never received a gift, card or phone call from SD. In past years this has led DH to lash out with passive-aggressive behavior at the only target available - me. I will try to make Father's Day special for DH but passive-aggressiveness will not be tolerated.