Sorry but I'm going say you should find another fixer-upper that doesn't involve rude children. There are lots of women out there that don't have this kind of portable baggage & they're looking for mates to help them. Weigh this out carefully, help 4 (potentially 5 if her ex is a nightmare) or help 1. Your choice.

There is absolutely nothing you can do about these kids. But you can, and if you want this relationship to survive, MUST do, is let your girlfriend know you will absolutely not tolerate her children being rude, unappreciative and ungrateful towards you, You need to tell her, her failure to rein them in and teach them respect is tantamount to encouraging and supporting their rudeness.

The kids are the least of your worries, Having a partner who allows their children to be rude and disrespectful is the worst. She is insulting and humiliating you. Deal with the source of the Problem - YOUR GIRLFRIEND. You are not the family joke, do not allow yourself to be treated as such.

Run run run!!

Your too nice of a guy to get sucked into such disasterous quick sand and know that if you do, it will bring you emotionally down with them! (and that will reflect physically due to the stress!)

There are soo many good woman out there (with and without children) that will better meet your needs and standards and be on your level as well! You are on one level, she is on a completely different one! You need to find a better balanced person otherwise you WILL end up eventually getting exasperated with being the "doormat" (and taken advantage of!).

Being the wonderful person you are, it seems as though you are maybe more attached to the feeling of "saving them" (i.e. trying to bring together a family and giving them things like a BMW to cart the kids around??)...from my own experience, just know it's a false dream and you need to realize that change only happens when THEY are willing to on their own terms. (it's taken me 4 plus years to learn this in my own situation!)So I worry that in the end, you only end up emotionally drained, frustrated, angry, confused and any other emotion the leads to feeling taken advantage of.

I honestly see this as a toxic situation. Sorry hun!! ((hugs))

You definitely deserve better. But one of your comments got my attention:

"I am very happy that I was able to help her with her job application skills for her to land a good entry level job. I feel that I can offer her so much and I love making their lives better; I feel a bit of attachment to them to make sure they make it in life as well as my love for my girlfriend."

This sounds more like a project than a healthy relationship. And you seem to be more like her social worker than her boyfriend. I'd read up on some literature on people who need to rescue other people. Maybe on psychology today or something. You sound like a very generous and giving person and I hate to see you get taken advantage of.

How would you feel about dating someone who was financially successful and did not need your help in getting a job?

I wish you the best!

Having raised 3 children from the ages of 2, 6 and 8 to adulthood as a single mother and now the grandmother of 4 pretty cute well mannered respectful little boys, I can tell you I have NEVER had to this day any contact with child services. But if I had even once had this happen, I would have died of shame. If it happened to one of my daughters now, I would die of shame. NO, this is not normal.

As for the therapy. You are putting the cart before the horse. Before any sort of family therapy could be successful, I think some individual therapy for all is in order. Now, you recognise your need to be the white knight, so therapy for you may just be the best thing you could do. It could be life changing for you. Imagine being able to attract someone into your life who was like you. Hard working, intelligent, self sufficient, caring and compassionate. Instead of attracting losers who need you as a crutch. You won't know yourself. You could have a real live grown woman in your life, a partner. Instead of a grown child with offspring. But you need to change your thinking in order to bring that into your life.

As for her and her children. I don't know. They have lived this way forever. It has always worked for them. One way or another mum finds a man for support, so why should they change for you. They see nothing wrong with their way of life. Going into therapy at your suggestion isn't good. Had your girlfriend suggested it, well there would have been a glimmer of hope. But going along to therapy because she has to, to keep you, her support, is probably going to in the long term be a waste of time.

The child services thing. That horrifies me. I cannot imagine why you are even there at all. Other of course than to make you feel good about yourself. Again a recipe for failure in the long term. One of two things will happen. She will never change, you'll get sick of not being able to complete this project and find another loser to help, and to make you feel good. Or, she will become the woman you are trying to make her, and you will not feel needed anymore, so again, you will move on to find someone else who needs you and makes you feel good about yourself.

Maybe do something a little different, why not look after yourself first for once. Go get sone therapy for you. Myself address your need to be needed which is causing you to be used and absurd.

I have children your age. An earlier poster gave you some big sister advice. Now listen to mum.

Everybody needs a doormat. Nobody loves one. You young man are a doormat for not only this woman, but for her kids. They are wiping their feet all over you.

I agree Amberelle. I too was a stay at home mum, my daughters are stay at home mums. It is absolutely think it is the hardest job anyone will ever do. But as you would know a huge part of that job is teaching your children respect manners and appreciation. She is failing in this area and he us rightly feeling unappreciated. But my concern is that the way I read it she and her children were more of a project for him to complete and mould into a perfect family. He admits he likes the feeling of being the knight in shining armour. Perhaps she and the children sense they are his pet project not his family and don't like it. That's why I think he really needs to look at his true motives for being in this relstionship. It cannot be all about self satisfaction and feeling good about himself. I justI think there is more between the lines here.

Get out now.