Somehow SD is ease dropping on our conversations
So DH and I have been talking about some issues with SD. We do it after the kids are in bed and in the garage as we smoke in there. There have been some very specific conversations about how she is trying to recreate the negative relationship she has with her mom with me. She got mad at me, shocker, for not doing her chores DH was at work. Her come back was everyone is starting to treat me like when I lived with mom. Your all so rude to me. We started to think she was listening to us.
Another conversation, DH was talking about getting her into art. I brought up that when she does things it is always her and DH and there is an exclusion of everyone else. My kids do things and everyone is involved. My son gets a snake, everyone watches him feed it the first time, my daughter has a show, everyone goes. My daughter wants to show DH her science project and her grade and SD has to include herself. My son does karate, everyone goes. SD does something like an art project and no one else is allowed to use the pastels. Of course, DH got defensive and started in on oh, so I guess the snake is everyone's and everyone is in karate and you going to DD is not exclusive. Well, DH my daughter has a learning disability and there is a weekly test they didn't have anyone to read to her. So I go in and read it to her. He actually even brought up me taking her shopping for her birthday as an example.
He doesn't see how SD gets included in almost everything but not mine. Other than my DB birthday shopping, I take SD and do for all. Kids needed boots, I picked up my kids took them, SD got out of school, went and got her and took her. Not good enough because my 2 were there. But they had to share with each other. Her trip was about her. Took all 3 to get a new outfit and sandals. SD got her time while my kids had to wait. He has never did that with the kids. In fact, he has never taken my kids to buy them clothes without. Ever.
But with SD, her pastels, no one else can use them. My living room art when we met was painted by my kids. But only SD should do it with no one else but DH. She needs her thing. Poor SD. For Christmas I made an art box for my daughter because SD was the only kid with paper and art supplies and the kid never shares. So SD burns through her actual art pads and now wants DD to share. Funny, SD didn't have to share.
Anyways went off a little, so now SD is asking DH to take her to Michael's.
seems to be to much of a conquincidence that she is bring up the things we have been talking about. And we don't know how she is hearing it. Wondering if she is going into her bathroom and listening or what??? But it is just odd.
Same story at my house.
Same story at my house. What's SS's is HIS and what belongs to my bios belongs to everyone.
My three are used to sharing.
We have their video game system set up in the play room. SS's is in his bedroom.
I was really surprised when I
I was really surprised when I meet DH to have him surprised with my kids relationship. It seemed so normal to me. They share, they love each other, there is very little rivalry. I guess they are what should be normal but isn't.
SD on the other hand, is a victim. Never sees what she does to anyone only what they do. Punishment is us being rude. Other kids getting hurt by her is not her fault and they are picking on her. What is hers is hers and everyone else's stuff is hers too. She has no problem trying to get DH all to herself. Her stuff is never shared, but my kids are good people.
I just wish I knew HOW this kid was hearing us!!!!!!!
My SD eaves-dropped all the
My SD eaves-dropped all the time when she lived with us. We started having all of our conversations in the bathroom, with the tub running. That should be loud enough to block out any sounds.
Yeh, but the kid goes to bed
Yeh, but the kid goes to bed an hour before my DD and we wait until DD is asleep. And we are in the garage. HOW is she doing this??????
Is there a vent or room
Is there a vent or room nearby that you can pinpoint? Maybe you can turn on a radio while you're out in the garage to drown out what you guys are saying?
Man oh man .. I think your DH needs a good bonk on the head to open his eyes! I can't stand these parents who have such glaring blinders on when it comes to their kids. I might get crap because I don't know "what it's like to be a real parent", but at least I can spot a brat and call it like it is!
Smof2 ... If only it were so
Smof2 ... If only it were so easy!!! My DH is 44, I'm 33. At 19, he met his 1st wife. Married her. She came with his SD and SS. 1st wife is CRAZY!!!!! DH leaves her gets full custody of his DD. EXW drops his SD and SS off at a homeless shelter when they are like 9 and 11. 3 days before he marries wife 2. Wife 2 is not bad, they just made better friends. She is remarried, EXW2 and him have no kids. But we are on friendly terms with EXW2 and hubby. We all help each other move and stuff. Just not daily interaction. So anyways DH raises his SD. Who thanks to her mother is messed up. And she is bipolar. Now DH is raising her daughter. He has gaurdenship and everything. That is my SD. She has RADs. We have come ALONG way, but so much farther to go. And yeh, DH operates on poor SD ALOT of times. She treats everyone like shit and he is like well , it would be easier for you to understand if she had a physical disability. I don't know how to get him to understand she is not disabled. My daughter has a true learning disability, and I don't even let her use that as an excuse.
In this house, there are alot of things SD gets away with because DH doesn't want to deal with it, doesn't know how or doesn't want me to "have" to deal with it. So it just disappears.
I wish I could get him to understand he expects things from me with her, that he hasn't ever even done with my kids.
And yes, she is a challenge.
There is no vent in the garage, and the only room would be her bathroom but, like I said she is in bed and this kid can't open a door quietly to save her life. I don't get it but I do KNOW somehow she has heard us.
Both my skids are big
Both my skids are big eavesdroppers. They think they are so slick about it too. But they can't resist bringing up the topic they heard us talking about and they give themselves away.
I say give it a little test and talk about something totally untrue and see what she does. Talk about the big surprise trip or big surprise gift for the next day and see if she acts like she expecting something.
Good idea. DH and I could
Good idea. DH and I could bring up getting her a pet which she wants really bad. We should talk about getting her a kitten for an early birthday present. She won't be able to contain herself!!!!!
that's GENIUS!
that's GENIUS!
DH and I did this....talked
DH and I did this....talked about this big exciting trip the next day. Then we did nothing. when SD made the comment "I thought we were going somewhere today?" DH Said why would you think that? I looked up and said probably becasue she ease dropping to our fake conversation last night and she just busted herself out for it. she got definsive We talk soo loud she can hear us from her room. (impossible unless we were shouting) and then started her fake crying so she wouldnt get in trouble. DH told her to stop with the tears your not in trouble but maybe now you know not to listin into our adult conversations when your supposed to be sleeping. ( we were talking on the front porch, we had the feeling she was getting up out of bed and walking to the front part of the upstairs an listening out the window above us.) We were right.
hahahaha, this sounds EXACTLY
hahahaha, this sounds EXACTLY like my oldest SD. I remember for Valentines day my husband bought all 5 kids little tiny boxes of chocolates. I think they had 3 or 4 chocolates in them. Oldest SD powered through hers and then full on bullied my younger SD for hers since she hadn't yet finished her box. That's only one small example... When DH told her to knock it off, she was like "but she's not going to eat them!". Always an excuse, always a friggin' argument.
Oh I'd have an earful to say
Oh I'd have an earful to say if I thought she was listening. Just enough to drive her crazy.
I don't make allowances for
I don't make allowances for her. She is not allowed to give up, say it is to hard, and for her, we mark progress, not the actual grade. With SD, my DH uses her issues as a reason WHY she shouldn't have to clean her room, do her homework, pick up after herself, be respectful.
Correct me if I'm wrong but a child with a learning disability that tries and does everything else she is suppose to is WAY different than using a diagonizes as a reason to be babied, singled out and treated differently.
She doesn't have a mental illness. She has RADs. They are different. I think you read my post about DHs SD that he raised who has bipolar. She is 26. And trust me, with my own mothers list of mental illness I understand them well. And they are still NEVER an excuse for BAD behavior.
Or are you talking about me
Or are you talking about me saying I go in to her class once a week to read her a test because she is suppose to have that service with her IEP and they don't have the staffing?? Do you really agree with my husband that that counts as going and doing something with her??