My life Rant!! Tricked & Mad about it!
I just need to have a rant! My Background bs22, bd20 & bs13. His-bd13 (aka: princess). I have been divorced for 4 years with 50/50 custody with my own place & great job & no cs either way. My older kids have moved out & attending college so I only have ybs-shared during the week & eow. I start being me again instead of mom 24/7...shopping, movies, concerts, vacations with friends when I don't have bs. FUN! Meet Bf! Start dating & weekend get aways when I don't have bs & he sends his bd somewhere??Fast forward to 6 months ago i move in. What do you mean the BM never sees the bd.....you have her 24/7?when i say never i mean never...not even a call on mothers day! Now im stuck doing kid stuff every day & every weekend. WTF? No more dates, no more weekend getaways, its all about the princess! I was tricked & now I'm pissed! I want my old life back.
You found this out after you
You found this out after you moved in??
Yep...he would send her away
Yep...he would send her away on weekends somewhere I assumed to her mothers but they never talk about her so I never asked. He never bitched about BM so I thought everything was good.
Get out you've just be
Get out you've just be surprised mommied! Here's my kid surprise your her new mom.
This is exactly what I was
This is exactly what I was thinking. I would think that you would want to be very clear on what the living arrangement and visitation was for BF's daughter prior to moving in - especially given the fact that you have your own child 50% of the time.
Right? & where did all the
Right? & where did all the babysitters go on Tues & Thurs & eow when I didn't have my bs?? Can we just go on a date to dinner without her sitting there complaining about all the food that's gross?...good lord!
It transformed from a very
It transformed from a very early on conversation we had that we preferred not to go out on dates & talk about our ex's! I didn't talk about mine & he didn't talk about his. His daughter would talk about things she did with her mother, she would say they didn't have a great relationship, or my mom text me, etc. I just didn't know the stories she was telling were from years ago.
If I was mislead about
If I was mislead about something as important has him having full custody of his kid, I would not trust him at all.
Get the hell out of there.
She wasn't misled. He never
She wasn't misled. He never mentioned it and she never asked.
She moved in with this guy after 6 months and failed to ask any pertinent questions about his living arrangements. He's not the problem.
Uhhhh call me crazy, but if I
Uhhhh call me crazy, but if I getting rid of my home and some of my belongings, as well as moving my SON from HIS home/room/things into my boyfriend's house I am going to know ALL OF THE DETAILS ahead of time. That is on me, the adult. The mother of minor child who should have HIS best interests ahead of mine.
You weren't tricked if you
You weren't tricked if you both decided to have a relationship based on denial. It sounds like you don't communicate very well.
I suggest you move out as soon as possible. Your relationship with your BF is built on lies and assumptions, not a strong enough foundation that will last very long any way.
Even though I knew there was
Even though I knew there was a BM & kids, I can relate. I saw all the warning signs, he'd have full on arguments with her on the phone, I really just thought it was over some heated situation that created so much pent up resentment that he just reached his boiling point. I didn't realize this was his daily life. The shit stirring thing either---I really thought I-love-this-man-so-much-that-he-just-needs-me-to-help-him-and-be-his-rock, which is actually true but really, I could have done without it. Just how much was in denial??? Man, the hubris to think I can fix THIS??
Are you married yet? If not, please just do yourself a favor & run.
To tog & step off...I guess
To tog & step off...I guess its my fault for assuming we had the same visitation. We dated for a year & a half on Tuesdays/Thursdays/eow. With also trips with both kids to an amusement park or movie, camping etc...no we didn't sit around talking about ex's.
But when you moved in, didn't
But when you moved in, didn't you at least discuss rooms for your kids and family schedules?
It just seems like it would have come up at some point while you were combining your families.
Oh Honey. Don't look at this
Oh Honey. Don't look at this as talking about your ex's. It's not about the ex's, it's about the structure of your home-life, visitations schedules, expectations and warning the other person about potential conflicts with your kids other parent.
It's hard enough being a step-parent. You've made this really hard for yourself and your own kids.
My very first suggestion for you is to have your BF deal with his own kid. He was doing it before you showed it and it sounds like he dumped all of the responsibility on your lap.
Of course we talked about
Of course we talked about rooms? I have 1 bs he had one empty room...no brainer! I'm not sure what family schedule we would have needed to discuss after dating a year 1/2...I work 8-5 so does he both kids 13 i wasnt changing schools or visitation. His house...so he wasn't changing?
I think we just find it odd
I think we just find it odd that you'd never ask what the schedule was. I saw my man's court order 6 months into dating. I wanted to know the deal. But I think your guy purposely deceived you. And you should've asked about relationship with ex and many other things. You made it easy for him to lie.
It is odd. This whole story
It is odd. This whole story is odd.
This is why I totally disagree with people cohabitating with minor children. So now she inflicts this nonsense on her 13 year old son, who just moved in her boyfriend's house. Ugh. Personally I would never do this to my son.
So you really think you were
So you really think you were tricked & not in denial?
Not to be cheeky just want to know if you trust this man after this.
He may not have done it
He may not have done it intentionally (men aren't always the brightest, which is why god made women to help them).
He may have been just like OP and assumed that there was an understanding.
I think my rant is
I think my rant is misunderstood....I'm not mad he has his kid ft, he didn't lie, I assumed the schedule after a year & half of dates. I am mad there is longer an effort for our time or a weekend away. There are no dates ever or weekends without the kid. He does take full responsibility for her. I just want my old life back that entailed "me" time! Yes its selfish but I don't care. I want to go to the salon by myself & no I don't want to take Ur daughter with me!
Ahhhh different. Honey join
Ahhhh different. Honey join the club. So do it. Go to the salon by yourself. LOL maybe it's your moniker & maybe we all tend to deflect a bit lol.
Oh I did 4 months ago...
Oh I did 4 months ago... Still no date night, always party of 3 & last weekend get away....2 months ago las Vegas!!! Yay 2 queen beds & a party of 3. Where did all the babysitters go? I got tricked with different lifestyle....sigh!
Then you need to make it
Then you need to make it clearer to him - obviously he didn't get it.
Tell him you are feeling that your relationship is being neglected, that you are ok with SD coming out with you both SOMETIMES but that he needs to arrange for her to be babysat at least once a week for date night, and once a month/two months - what ever suits you for weekends away (or at home just the two of you) Tell him it is very hard to have "special couple time" and rock his world when his kid is sleeping in the same motel room!!
Tell him that while you are fine with her overall, YOU have needs that are not being met, and part of that is adult time with him. And part of it is time to yourself. So - if you want to go to the salon, or whatever - just go without her. Take her sometimes as a treat but NO way should it be that she is just expected to come with.
I can see where you have
I can see where you have tried to justify your SO's behavior but the fact that you call yourself "TrickedIntoStep" says it all. That, for me, is not a solid basis for a relationship. Resentment will build up between you and SD (not her fault at all that you and her father spectacularly failed to communicate about this) and I really fear for your long-term happiness because the deeper in you get, the harder it will be to extricate yourself. I say run…but I will admit I'm in that frame of mind today, so probably not very objective advice!
I had full on disclosure of
I had full on disclosure of his 3 kids and his full custody..and that BM was not involved except sporadically- however wholeheartedly she'd play when she played.
Still, I feel tricked that all of what we did discuss about rules, parenting..etc..was all agreed on and in my mind we shared the same ideals and values. Low and behold, Mr superdad was super lying about how on top of it all he was
and when he said "they don't listen to me neither", I felt duped
and now that I feel I have no structure, control, or stability
I feel too trapped by guilt that BM should have
they need me but they don't want me-and I'm supposedly mature enough to know best...
If I were you, I'd run..if for no other reason than to get a life worth living, before you feel you can't.
I'm late to the thread but...
I'm late to the thread but... have to say: I call BS. What are you, a blackout alcoholic? How do you not know this before moving in together?
This story is really farfetched. BS!!! BS!!! BS!!!!
get a life, stop posting fake stories.