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BM way crossed the line

all4myfamily's picture

Need advice on a BM who is a bully. Last night my DH was having a phone conversation with BM about SS10. He was not feeling well that day and they were arguing if it was the flu or a possible concussion from baseball the night before. He was tagged out at home plate and the catchers glove touched his face. So immediately, DH also the coach is to blame for sending SS10 to home plate and giving him a concussion. He clearly did not have a concussion. He was fine that evening and woke up the next morning with flu like symptoms that I had the previous week. Anyway, they get into an agrument and she treatens child abuse if DH lets him play in the next game tonight. All of a sudden the conversation turns to bashing me. BM called me a fat cow several times and said some other pretty nasty comments that I don't even understand. I am not a small person, but I am not a big person either. All of that does not even matter though, how can someone be so evil and mean? Does that really make her feel better? She has been calling me names for the last 4 years. Ironically, she is the assitant prinicipal at the middle school in my town. How does someone who teaches kids not to bully become the biggest bully of them all. She will not do it in public only on the phone or in a text or email. I have tried to be nice, DH tried telling her to stop, and now I just pretend she does not exist. That makes her the most agry that I do not acknowledge her in public. But I refuse to be fake. This woman is pure evil to me and in public she makes it look like she is so sweet and I am the mean one for ignoring her. Tonight at the baseball game it is going to be really hard to not say anything to her. I so badly want to MOOO as I walk past her and say excuse me Fat Cow coming through and call myself the names that she is calling me. The problem is,I don't want to stoop to her level. Everything else I have tried has not worked and she bad mouths about me to all of the other parents in the community. Is it out of line to confront her tonight?

EvilWickedSM's picture

I don't know about your schools, but here the children can be punished in school even if they are bullying kids outside of school. I would imagine it would be the same for the teachers and administrators. I wouldn't hesitate to gather up emails and texts and show them to the superintendent.

misSTEP's picture

Why does your DH keep talking to her? My DH had a No Contact order written into his court order and rarely spoke to BM for years while the skids were minors.

And if your DH has told her to quit bringing you into the conversation and she still does? *CLICK*

It really isn't that tough if he TRULY wants to make her quit.

Kilgore SMom's picture

Someone told me just this week that if something is out of our control (BMs are) that we should never react. Because that is what they are wanting to make us mad or cause problems. If BM is harassing you by text, e-mail or phone then you may could file a harassment charges. Your DH needs to hang up the phone the minute BM starts to say something bad about you or screaming at him he needs to never email or text any reply to her saying something about you. By Dh reacting she knows she is getting to him and is not going to stop. If that doesn't work go to the school board, be sure you have proof.

Lalena75's picture

BM only refers to me with foul words (CU next tuesday, whore, slut etc) I just laugh she does it because she's jealous, and lost control and SO moved on and chooses to ignore her attempts at seeking attention.

Drac0's picture

>She has been calling me names for the last 4 years. Ironically, she is the assitant prinicipal at the middle school in my town. How does someone who teaches kids not to bully become the biggest bully of them all. <

Recently a woman teacher (New Jersey I think) got fired from her job when she put a post on her FB page saying that she is teaching the next generation of prison inmates. She says she meant it as a joke. The school didn't think it was funny and had her suspended and later fired. She took the school board to court but the courts upheld the board's decision.

Educators are held to a higher standard than most other professions so even their private life is heavily scrutinized. I am pretty sure the school board she is assistant principal of would be VERY interested if - let's say - certain recorded phone conversations were to fall into their hands?

Bullies bank on the fact that their victim will not retaliate. The sure-fire way to extinguish a bully is to become an apex predator yourself. Look at all the great predators of the world. The tiger, the great white shark, ect. NONE of these predators let their prey be aware of their presence. Even though the predator is a frightening being to behold; each of them are patient, watching and waiting for the most opportune moment to strike. That is how you engage this bully BM of yours. You watch, you listen, you *cough* record....and you wait.

"Slowly, slowly, catchy, monkey".

all4myfamily's picture

Thank you all for all of the replies. I emailed her principal at her school. I have had a conversation with her in the past about the possiblility of my daughters going to this school next fall. She is not her biggest fan and wished that BM would have been fired for sleeping with her staff. Hopefully this principal will help me out, if not I will take my proof to the school board and superintendant. I am goint to take the advice of Drac0 and lay in the weeds and strike when I have all of my evidence. She will not know what hit her. I have stayed in the background waiting to defend myself and letting DH handle it. Now that it is this far out of control, I am going to take charge. Thanks again for all of the great comments! Keep them coming!

Drac0's picture

This is a shameless plug, but it looks like you could use a little "Sun Tzu" advice. Check my blog entries on Sun Tzu's Art of War. You might find some juicy kernels that could help you in your little strategic planning Smile

"At the negotiating table, be coy as a maiden and as helpless as a lamb. But on the battlefield be as swift as the hare, as cunning as the fox and as ferocious as the lion."

all4myfamily's picture

I will! I kind of feel like I could be on the show revenge but on a much smaller scale!

Cocoa's picture

i'm sure she definitely deserves to lose her job, but i hope it won't make your life harder. and dh needs to not talk to bm so much and when he does, the first time she starts talking about you he needs to hang up.