BM asking to borrow items for skids
I have a question for everyone. Do your BM's/BF's ever ask for items to borrow when your SO's/DH's/FDH's/DW etc drop off the kids?
BM has a new boyfriend in our city and lately she's been meeting us instead of us taking FSS home. Well lately every time we take him for drop offs she is asking to borrow items. A couple weeks ago it was a car seat, which to me if you're in YOUR car why don't you have a car seat for YOUR child? but I digress. Yesterday she asked to borrow swim trunks because she didn't want to go home to get his or go buy him some, other times it's been a sweater or asking us to dress him "nice" for a party/event even though she sent him in raggidy clothes. To me I feel like this is your child you should be prepared to get him. We didn't refuse the car seat or sweater but the swim trunks yes. We dressed him up one time but after we didn't get his clothes back we won't be doing that again.
Anyway, Do you any of your BM's do this? isn't this what child support if for? Should we just say "sure sure" and do it? It wouldn't be such a big deal if she returned the items but she doesn't. and the crappy thing is if he isn't returned with the items she sent him in she throws a fit. She's even complained when we we've sent him home in different underwear than what she sent him in.
your thoughts would be appreciated 
We don't allow BM to borrow
We don't allow BM to borrow anything from us. And we don't borrow anything from her. Even when we were flying 1600 miles to see the skids, we brought our own carseats and packed all the clothes we'd need for them.
If she's taking advantage of the situation, you need to stand your ground. It may warrant a quick email stating that you will no longer be providing these things for her and that she needs to be prepared to provide these things on her time.
If she shows up without a carseat, take the skid back home with you. Tell her she can pick him up at xx time at your home or whatever you decide works. It will likely create drama and she will likely push the limits as much as she can .. but she'll continue to do it until you make it clear that she can't.
And to be clear, DH should be the one communicating all of this to her.
Thank you for your response
Thank you for your response
I see, that's how I see it too. When we're doing something with SS we take the items we'll need, we've never asked to borrow anything from her.
That's a great idea about taking him home if she doesn't have a carseat again and tell her she can pick him up when she gets one... I mean it's a booster and they are only like 15 bucks. I didn't even think about that.
Oooh yeah I never communicate with BM, that's DH's job.
It will likely only take a
It will likely only take a time or two before she gets the hang of it. It's important DH doesn't slip or let things slide though. It's like training a dog .. consistency is key!
Good luck to you guys
I agree -- no to everything.
I agree -- no to everything. I can't believe she'd actually show up without a carseat??
And as far as clothes go -- nope. Our BM did that to us (kind of) -- we wanted to buy the SK's each a nice outfit to wear to a wedding reception. NOT ONLY did the BM call to dictate what we needed to buy (not just size, but color, brand name, etc) she wanted the receipts AND the clothes after they wore them ("just in case they don't fit right or something") for the reception.
If the BM needs something, she can buy it herself. There's almost always a WalMart right down the road wherever you live in this great nation, and they have all sorts of clothes for kids ranging from swim trunks, to sweaters, to "nice" clothes. If she's planning on picking up SK and taking him/her someplace requiring said "nice" clothes, then she needs to provide them.
You already know the stuff you provide falls into a black hole with BM, why keep feeding it?
crazy right? the most
crazy right? the most ridiculous part is the day she asked to borrow the car seat we met her at walmart! She was walking out of the store and then when DH got out of the car to get SS out of his carseat she asked him.
Thank you for your thoughts. I wasn't sure if it was i guess petty for us to tell her no.
My SO buys anything his kids
My SO buys anything his kids what they want and gives it to them at the end of the visit to take home. Nothing stays here no matter what it is. Even pool toys, (we have a pool) we'll buy six, cause we have six kids, his 3 will take theirs home (they have no pool) and leave them there and on the next visit they try to tell my children they need to share, totally friggin outrageous. Nothing at all ever comes back.