Sydney, Australia - Step Parent Support
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Hi there,
I am new to this site and wanted to know if anybody on here is based in Australia (sydney)? or even just NSW???
There is slim to none support groups here, and I have absolutley no friends that would understand my situation.
I am getting to the point where I really need somebody that I can relate to on a daily basis as Im starting to really give up and I don't want to.
I am engaged to my man and step mum to 2 boys (5yrs and 2yrs), a very annoying ex that pops up almost everyday now and all this pressure is putting stress on my relationship with my man.
Please if anybody is out there is chat, message me!!!
Melbourne Australia, and have
Melbourne Australia, and have been suffering for years. It never really ends. The older the kids get, the worse it gets. Just when you think you know all their moves, they have babies. Along with these grandchildren comes even more drama. I gained some respite when 29 year old spawn of satan stepdaughter, daddy's pride and joy who can do no wrong, refused to accept a gift from my hand, and simply turned her head away and stared at the mattress. That was done in a room full of people and I ended it their and then. She has not been in my home or life for almost two years and NEVER will be. My husband did nothing. I found the courage after that show of disloyalty from him to tell him to leave with her. I meant it. He didn't go, but it has been a tough two years. However, I am finally in a place where I stand up for myself now.
This site will help you. They don't have to come from Sydney, none of us do. We understand anyway.
Hello , I am in Australia
Hello , I am in Australia (Gold Coast)xx
Hi there, Melbourne too
Hi there, Melbourne too
Welcome.
Doesn't matter where we are we are all going through it and you will gets LOTS of support and sometimes a reality check or two LOL
(EBU - I knew you were in Aus but didn't realise you were Melb - or am I being terrible and have forgotten ever having that convo with you?)
Well I can't remember that
Well I can't remember that conversation either, guess our minds are full of other things.
I hear this all the time!!
I hear this all the time!! 90% of the time people say when they get older, it gets harder. Rarely do you hear it's easy or it gets better (unless the ex is dead, in jail or moved overseas).
I honestly had no idea how hard it would be. Given I am 24 and my fiance is 32. My life experiences up to date has made me more mature and stronger than most 24 yr old girls. But far out...I'm not sure how much this is going to take out of me...
My fiances ex, let say she earns ALOT of money. ALOT.
Meanwhile, while we were in search of a house, we couldnt have the kids obviously, so she put in a claim for child support - which mind you was only $24 a fortnight - that's all he had to pay for not having the kids AT ALL.
Now we have a house - things are worse - we are not entitled to pay for child support - but she continually asks for money. Just recently she made her son (5yrs old) call my fiance last night and ask DAD for half of the money for a sport that she had convinced him to take up. When he has already told her that we honestly cannot afford it, we really can't at this stage. And the child says "mum said if you can't pay for half of it, i can't do my sport ever!!" and was extremely upset. She can afford to pay for the full amount - but no - she loves playing with fire and having control over everybodys emotions and making sure the kids know - that yep, Dad let you down.
These little things happen constantly. It affects my fiance, it affects his kids and it affects myself.
At the start I had put my emotions before the kids (in terms of when they come over to stay with us) - but I realised, sometimes I have to be selfless - yes they aren't mine, he made these children with somebody else, yes they are going to call them daddy and me by my first name, they are going to want to jump all over him and i will be left out sometimes and thats fine. I have come to terms with this.
Now my fiances mothers house - well, there is pictures of my fiance and his ex everywhere you look - on the fridge in the kitchen? yep! In the lounge room? yep! massive 1 mtr tall wedding photo. Just lovely isn't it?
If it doesn't make it harder, my fiances siblings, mostly sister who talks to his ex constantly - they go out on wkends together. My fiance hasnt had a normal conversation with his sister for a while now because she is on the 'exes side'.
Harder? My fiances circle of friends are his exes circle of friends also. So where he goes or where we go - she is most likely going to be there - not that we have been in this situation yet - but I could just imagine.
Now when the ex doesn't get her way or asks for any type of money etc - if my fiance doesn't respond the way she wants him to, or doesn't respond at all - she says that he doesn't care about the kids - that he doesn't put them first, or tries to play with his emotions by saying, 'imagine how your father would think of what your doing if he was alive today'. She takes the lowest blows to satisfy herself at all times.
All this talk about "putting the kids first" or another good one, lets be "mutual or ammicable" with each other. Bullshiitttt.
Telling your 5 yr old son - the reason why daddy left is because of his new girlfriend - not sure if thats looking out for your kids, or putting them 'first', especially when I hadn't, at that time met them yet.
All of this is putting immense pressure on our relationship and he is honestly emotionally checking out - I haven't given up yet though, I try really hard to put a smile back on his face, but at times it feels like I am picking up the pieces of my own emotions and his also.
arrhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! (that was a scream) lol
Oh I hear you! The emotional
Oh I hear you!
The emotional abuse of the skids to get at the OH? Bitchface does that. The circle of friends - tick!
The telling absolutely EVERYONE - friends, family and the skids that he left them because of me, that we had an affair, that he doesn't love or have time or money for his kids because he loves his new family more? Oh yeah, check on that one too. OH's brothers wife is Bitchfaces best friend. Haven't met her yet, and the brother is banned from visiting us. I have accidentally bumped into him once at ss's basketball game, I bet he got in trouble for having to be nice to me.
OH's mother refused to meet me for a long time because Bitchface told her all this stuff. Finally (after we had been living together for 10 months and he had stopped visiting her) she decided to meet me. Went ok. The next time I saw her she had just been put in a nursing home and asked me "why I had come and why didn't he bring Bitchface - his WIFE??"
The pictures, the friendships - it all sucks, what does your OH say about it? Has he told his mother that keeping those pictures out in the open when he is now engaged to YOU is disrespectful to you both?
He needs to tell SS whenever he is put up to asking for money that he will not discuss adult issues like money with him, he doesn't have to worry about that stuff, tell him to put mummy back on the phone and he will talk to her about it. Then when he gets the bitch on the phone he needs to rip her a new one for abusing her kid like that.
My OH gets the guilt trips from Bitchface too. Anytime he doesn't bow down to what ever she is demanding at the time he gets the same sort of comments (OMG even down to the "your dead father would be ashamed of you" BS. I hate that bitch)
Wow... IM NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!
Wow... IM NOT ALONE!!!!!!!! Im so glad i found this site.
Far out...
Does your OH have the same friends as the bitchface? And please tell me how you have dealt with this one??
eg. If YOU and OH are going out and bitchface and the circle of friends are there...what do you do?? hows it go??
She spread the whole affair thing at the start with me and him - guess she didn't want anybody to know that HE actually left her sorry arse coz she was a sly, cheat - that loves her high paying job because she gets to go on 'business trips with her boss'. hahaha.
My fiance was embarassed about the photo's - coz it was when we went over to show his mum the 'ring'. She asked if we wanted to sit in the lounge "with the humungous fukn wedding photo of them in the lounge room". My OH said, no we will stay here 'in another room' and quietly told her why.
After we left, I went off my brain - as you do. He understood obviously and said he would have a talk to her before we go back to visit and OH promised they wont be there next time.
And btw - thats exactly what he should have done about the money thing, I will suggest this to him - I think he was more upset than anything and was a bit stunned that she had the nerve to do that.
The guilt trips are the worst - coz OH gets affected hard. I hate this bitch, I never have hated anyone more than I hate her. Truly pathetic. Go live your life bitch and move on.
Oncechoosetosmile, didn't
Oncechoosetosmile, didn't realise you were a Queenslander. I'm sorry for your troubles right now. Glad you at least have sun. Try living with this crap in Melbourne's early winter.
Stepmumof2, you can be
Stepmumof2, you can be supportive, you can be compassionate and you can be understanding. You cannot however be a fool. Do not make my mistake. I took a back seat for years. Thought things would settle down. I should have thrown his daughter out the first day I met her, and instead of blaming her, Dhs family etc., for causing him to feel so much guilt and suffering, I wish I had woken up years ago to the real root of the problem. DH. His failure to stand up to his kids. His failure to support me, his wife. I didn't see the that all those years I was supporting him emotionally and holding him up, he was letting me down. He allowed his adult daughter to humiliate, isolate and ignore me. It was horrendous.
Often the source of the problem is not so much the evil stepkids, or the wicked ex. It is the weak significant other who refuses to stand up for himself, let alone his partner. Usually these men blame their cowardness on their fear of losing their kids. It's not that. They are just incapable of confrontation and find It easier to just shut up and say nothing. Which only serves to drag this shit on for years and years. Fine if it only impacted on them, but they choose to go into another relationship and then expect we put up with the unbearable mess they have chosen to create for themselves.
If they showed us who they really were in the courting stages, we'd have run a mile.
When something is having an impact on you and your relationship, and where it concerns your finances, you need to stand up and be counted. This will never change unless you change it.
I'm also in Melbourne My
I'm also in Melbourne
My issues aren't so much with my SS9, he's a pretty good kid all in all, but with the BM (who goes in and out of creating havoc in our lives), and the MIL (who doesn't accept me or the BS my husband and I have together and likes to gang up against us with the BM).
Second wife second best
Second wife second best syndrome
Tis a world wide problem all
Tis a world wide problem all right. This site helps you to realise it is not you, it helps you realise that you are not alone, it helps you to realise you are not going insane. Hopefully over time it will give you tge encouragement and inner strength to work on getting your self esteem back. Hopefully you will learn that while loving your partner, this soul mate, tge man of your dreams, is wonderful, it is more important to LOVE YOURSELF TOO. don't make the mistake of giving ALL your love away. Keep a little for yourself. Never forget that.