UGH! SHE'S BACK!!
So, I get home from my normal Thursday night gym class last night to find my SD there. I'm then informed by DH that she is back with us "permanently"! No, no discussions with me about this...it is just done. Why?
Well, I'm told that SD skipped school yesterday with some friends to hang out and smoke pot, and supposedly, this has been going on for some time (hello...I could have told you she was hiding something/was still up to no good). She has also been sneaking out of the house at night to hang with friends and get high. Remember, this child is ONLY 14...only turned 14 2 months ago! BM and the step-dad have supposedly had it (yeah, we will see how long that lasts after the money is cut off again).
So, now this becomes MY problem? I still have not had an opportunity to sit with DH and have a talk about this yet. He is playing right into her, "She needs hugs right now...she needs to know she is loved." What she needs is a good swift kick in the arse that no one seems to be willing to give her! At least (and I was actually very shocked with this) DH has put my SD's phone on lockdown, but so far, that is the ONLY punishment! Moving here isn't punishment...SD wanted that anyway to try to escape the other trouble from a few weeks ago.
So now I'm stuck here...oh, and get this...DH thinks we should pay for my SD to go to summer school so she doesn't get held back in the 8th grade. He claims he would rather her freshman year be spent with my son still at the high school (he will be a senior next year). So, I'm supposed to find the money (because summer school sign up will be this month...before we get paid again), AND I will end up being the one responsible for driving her to and from school each day, because there is no bus service. I reminded my husband that the rest of this month is already pretty tight, because I need to sign my son up for football camps this month for early next month...you know, that little thing that he needs if he is going to get into college and not have to pay an arm and a leg for it! I flat out told DH that was FIRST priority...if my SD has to do 8th grade over again because of her stupidity, so be it, but I'm not taking away from my son so that SHE doesn't have to pay for her own mistakes!
I am so mad right now! I just want to disappear for a week somewhere, but I know if I do that, DH and SD will be living it up here while she talks him into buying this and that, they go out to eat and ice cream every night, etc. I'd come home to the bank account emptied out!
"She needs hugs right
"She needs hugs right now..."
LMFAO! So get her a damn straight jacket, let her hug herself.
@FormerAAGirl...I know...what
@FormerAAGirl...I know...what is with that? Yes, there are times for hugs, but there are also times for putting one's foot down, and this is one of them! It is one thing to not turn in a homework assignment, or to roll one's eyes when told to do the dishes. We are talking LAWS broken here! Not just house rules, but local, state, and federal laws! Things that if she had been caught by someone other than her parents, she would chance having her happy butt drug to juvi! Possession and use of a controlled substance and truancy! Yes, I agree on the phone lock down, because we need to make sure she cannot call those friends who she has been getting into this trouble with, one of which is 17! Yes...17, and I'm sure has a car. Don't need that girl driving out at 2:00 a.m. picking my SD up to sneak out.
Oh, and I've already warned my SD...I'm a light sleeper, and my bio-daughter's dog (which is with us, because the dog wasn't doing well with apartment life) barks at every little thing...so if she tries to sneak out, I WILL know!
Oh, and I forgot to mention, the tablet DH gave my SD just a few weeks ago when she destroyed her computer that he gave her just this past Christmas? Yeah, it's already been dropped and one of the corners has glass/plastic breaking off exposing the circuit board. She doesn't care about anything! She breaks it...dear daddy will just get her something else.
This is going to be a long 4+ years!
OMFG I'd be so livid if I
OMFG I'd be so livid if I were you right now!!!
You may want to completely disengage from her and give her over to your husband. NO, YOU are not responsible for paying for or getting her to summer school. She can get held back because SHE fucked up. How is he making that YOUR problem?
I'd have a sit down with the both of them detailing what you're willing to do and not. And you absolutely should NOT be paying for anything for her.
I hear ya! I am in charge of
I hear ya! I am in charge of the finances in our house...DH is terrible with money. I have to watch his spending like a hawk. If I have anything to say about it, her happy butt should be held back in 8th grade...that would be real punishment right there! Don't bail her out, let her live with her stupid decisions! Based on her grades, it probably wouldn't hurt her anyway, as I seriously doubt she learned anything this year. I'm secretly hoping she didn't pass the standardized test, as that would hold her back regardless of summer school. Only problem with her being held back is that she is stuck in this house an additional year, as I know DH will not let her leave until she graduates...if she graduates.
Oh, the two of them are
Oh, the two of them are already trying to play me! DH has been pulling the "You're the only real mom she has" crap with me, using the excuse that his ex is bipolar and has never been a real mother and I've been around since my SD was 1, etc. If I'm the only real mom she has, then don't get ticked off with me when I treat her the exact same I way I would if one of my kids were doing what she is! Caught my daughter sneaking out and drinking when she was 16, know what happened? Lost her phone, lost her computer, even lost her bedroom door! Yup...told her if she was going to break my trust, she didn't deserve privacy! She could change her clothes in the bathroom. That is the punishment she should be getting right now.
My response to the "she needs
My response to the "she needs to know she is loved" would be to not look my direction because I hate her guts.
The bio mom needs to pay CS - no "she can't really afford it" crap.
I'd be calling the cops on her ass as soon as she stepped one inch over the line.
You do not want her bringing drugs around your son. Not that he would be enticed to join in with her but she will probably try to stash it in his room or something like that. Never underestimate evil. And that could really blow his college chances for scholarship.
How far away is the school? (assuming he finds a way to pay for it) I'd make her ride a bike. When I lived in California I knew people who rode a bike 15 miles to work everyday.
Yep! If the school is close
Yep! If the school is close enough make her walk or ride a bike.
Hell, if I wanted to attend driver's ed at my school since both parents worked during the training, I had to get myself there and home. I WALKED the 8 miles one way and usually was able to catch a ride home. I lived on the very outskirts of the school district, farthest away.
We live in a country town
We live in a country town about 20 miles outside of city...yes, DH drives a crazy distance to work (I work from home as my company doesn't require me to be in the office to do my job). The school is 7.5 miles away from our house, and that is if you take the main highway which has no shoulders and speed limit is 70 MPH...so...yeah...the bike idea is out of the question.
I think my SD is too afraid to go into my son's room, but I almost have half a mind to let my son have a lock on his door as long as I have a key. I would be more concerned about her figuring out where his locker is and trying to stash it in there when he isn't looking (stuffing it in the slats or something) so that she doesn't get caught with it on her...THAT would get him in deep crap that would kill any chances at a scholarship. I would have to kill her...because he has worked so hard to get where he is (has several schools looking at him at the moment). Thankfully, I know my son won't do the crap...he is against drugs. He is also hip on what is going on...DH has always tried to keep the crap my SD is doing away from my kids (they are legally her half-siblings as DH adopted them), but I think it is their right to know...I feel my son should especially know so he knows what to keep an eye out for, and doesn't look like a fool defending his little sister when people come up to him and tell him about what she is doing (because in this town, they will). Not to mention, in Texas, random drug testing of student athletes is legal, and he doesn't want to chance not getting to play.
I SO know your situation! I
I SO know your situation! I also had my SD (that awful thing of a living creature) move in to our house with no say. I tried to be understanding and supportive and welcome her and she is nothing but a B*%tch! She is 15 and the worst possible thing that could have ever happened to our relationship. She and her BM/step dad couldn't get along, so DH said she needed to come live with us. It was so nice before because the Skids live(d) about 3500 miles away and we only saw them when we went to visit. Now, I am stuck 24/7 with this.
I too have to drive her around, take her to appts, take care of her when DH goes on business trips.
If he wants SD to go, then HE needs to find the money. Definitely, as previous writers advised to me...let DH take care of SD and you take care of your kid. He wants her...he takes care of her!
Well, the school looked at
Well, the school looked at her grades this morning, and said she will not need summer school, even if she blows off the rest of the the 6-weeks, as her grades are high enough the first semester (you know, when she was living with us before) to balance out the damage she did this current semester at BM's. BUT....seems there are two books missing from when she checked out mid year when BM threw the fit that my SD just had to go back to living at her house...over $200 worth of books (which is more than the summer school would have been, and MUST be paid). SD claims the books were turned into the teachers, so I really think those things turn up! Otherwise, DH is going to be figuring out where he is going to find the money to pay for those books, because I'm not paying for them!
It's going to be a very long summer, because I don't trust my SD to go anywhere...not even to her friends' around here...right now. She better hope that DH's mom feels bad about her being stuck at the house and comes to get her to hang with her cousins on most days. At least I know she will not do anything stupid at her cousins' house...my brother-in-law is a cop, and he is so allergic to pot that the joke in his department is that he is better than a drug sniffing dog...if there is pot around, he starts sneezing his head off.
I dread when SD17 aka mini
I dread when SD17 aka mini wife comes to our home. I made SD leave my home over the weekend! It got to the point where enough was enough, She started yelling and screaming at me and laughing as her dad and I were fighting.I commend you for not paying, I honestly do, SD17 dad ( my husband) wanted me to pay his CS then gets upset with me and tells me I have no right to say anything about or too his daughter. I then told him well then if i have no say in this, then you pay your own CS. Friday- we pick her up and he then tells her she can come live with us when she is 18, noone can stop her and then looks at me and says , There's no problem with that is there.Its a catch 22, I got tired of both his babying her,and her acting like mini wife, showing me no respect in my own home. I told her to get out. simple as that! and I told him he best better tell her to stop yelling and screaming at me,
I am sorry that your going through this. Its your house too, He married you and they both need to understand that!
It hasn't even been a
It hasn't even been a week...already, I'm having to pick her up from school every day, because she decided to join color guard for next year (and DH somehow cannot take off of work to tend to this himself). Last night, they had to run to the store at 9:00 p.m., because she "just remembered" that she needed something for an art project at school...TODAY! Oh, and she is already trying to use an "injury" to gain sympathy...she keeps claiming that her knee hurts really bad, though there is NO swelling (though she has asked DH every day "does this look swollen to you"), I catch her dancing on it ALL THE TIME, etc. I'm a personal trainer, and I've got knowledge in this area...not to mention, with my son in football, I have dealt with plenty of sprained ankles, strained knees, etc, so I've told her she needs to quit dancing around the house to give it a chance to heal, she needs to keep it wrapped tightly, and she needs to ice it when she is just sitting around watching TV. She hasn't been doing any of these things, but every time I turn around, she is playing it up to DH. Now I know why we are still paying a stupid high ER bill for a bruise...because SD actually LIKES going to the doctor...I guess it is for the attention she gets...and she will try to drive you crazy until you take her to the ER and a doctor tells her there is nothing wrong! Nope, not in this house!
Oh, and SD is going on and on about how she still wants dear sweet daddy to put her into a dance class! She still hasn't proved herself trustworthy, and she is trying to get a $300/month dance class out of us? Not just now, but HECK NO!
Oh...I HAVE to! If I don't,
Oh...I HAVE to! If I don't, then I'm the ungrateful b***h who...well, you know. I've already gotten the, "Well, you've done it for both of the other kids why not _____!" Yes, I did it for my bio-kids...even though DH adopted both of them which made him equally responsible to do it, but if he came home before me, he would rarely swing by to get them. I don't know how many times my son had to sit and wait for me because I couldn't get out of work to go get him, or because of something that had me stuck in traffic. Now, that I work from home, DH doesn't think he should have to take off of work to go get my SD!
Oh, and she did just decide. She just texted him that she was staying after school to do color guard...texted him after the bus already left so that he couldn't tell her "No, get on the bus!" She does that...she puts you in a spot where you can't say no, if she can. Sure, every time she does it, DH "talks" to her about it, but in one ear, and out the other.
Oh, and I forgot to mention...you know we locked down her phone, but DH did not take away my SD's tablet computer. The "friends" we blocked on her phone, DH found her talking to them on Skype using her tablet last night! Did he take the tablet away? NO! Just TOLD HER to delete the app and not do it...yeah right! And he wonders why I insisted that SD NOT get a smartphone, because I knew that she would run up MY bill using the internet on her phone!
Every night she has been in this house, I've had to "remind" her to police her dishes already, since everyone in this house is responsible for their own dishes. She acts put out every time I tell her...oh, because NOW she has to get up and do it, where if she had just put it in the dishwasher when she was up putting it in the sink, it wouldn't have been a big deal.