Over the last few months my BF has been trying to get things in order so that he can get his CS lowered sometime in the near future. He currently pays 230wk/920mo for ONE child with XW.
He is making a few dollars more an hour now but isn't getting the hours like he used to at his old company. We consulted an attorney a few weeks ago and it looks pretty good that he could get his CS reduced by almost 50.00 a week. I'm sure we can think of something that we can use an extra 200.00 a month for...
Last night we were online screwing around with our state's child support calculator and depending on what we plugged in for numbers it could either look really good for us or had me feeling depressed. According to the calculator whether BM grossed 200 a week or the SAME as BF did last year on his tax return it doesn't matter HE is the one who gets FUCKED!
According to the calculator even if BF and BM made the SAME amount and BF paid for med/dental he would still have to pay 200 a wk! But if BF's gross income went up even 10.00 the CS amount went up alot, but if her gross income went up it either didn't budge or went down like a dollar or two tops. That depressed the shit out of me! I finally got so upset that I just said to BF...Just suck it up and keep paying the 230.00 a week til the fucking kid is 18! He was shocked and was like what's wrong? I told him that I didn't want to talk about "this" anymore and I went outside with my son. I know he works hard and tries his best to take care of us but seriously this shit sucks so bad!
I am not saying that a man shouldn't have to pay for their kid(s) and that the BM/CP should have to shoulder the financial burden alone BUT I am saying that one parent shouldn't be living high off the hog while the other one barely makes it by! This is the case in my BF's situation...BM always has a nice place of her own to live with her 5 kids from 4 different men and I am not talking about Govt housing, I am talking about decent apts in nice areas.
My BF lives in a shitty neighborhood in the breezeway of his friends basement apt, anyone can walk in and out anytime they want and his only "privacy" is a clothes rack with a sheet over it, a tall bureau and one of those old big screen tv's that have the huge back to them THAT is what we use to prevent people from seeing into our "space" but of course those items are only so tall so of course someone can look over it if they really wanted to.
And of course BM can "afford" to have new vehicles every 1-2 years and BF is driving a broken down truck that he has to keep sinking the money we are TRYING to save up for a place into it because he can't afford a new/newer vehicle payment.
Of course skid always has name brand everything, new video games, a flat screen tv etc. and BF well I think you get the point...
This life just sucks! We are currently trying to save for a place of our own so that we can finally get married but God only knows when that will actually happen!!!
If my BF didn't love us so much and wasn't so amazing to my son and I and I didn't love the shit outta him I would have ran like the wind a LONG time ago!!!
Thats the thing Cheri...he pays his CS every week on time, never had any issues with paying and never was in arrears. After he gets raped in CS he literally nets under 400 with the amount of hours he gets at work. He would love to get his own place however if he does get lets say a studio apt, he would still have to pay for any utilities that aren't covered etc. And the only thing we really do for ourselves is eat out here and there. We don't spend money on vacations or shopping sprees etc. and even when we do go out to eat we eat CHEAP! Our check will come to usually 15-30 or less at a sit down restaurant and that is for the two of us or including my BS. And obviously less if we are at a FF place.
During his marriage to BM he was the only one working, he paid ALL the bills and also helped support 3 extra kids that weren't even his! BM controlled all the money of course, dumb move on BF's part for sure!
They had a few different houses and various new cars during their marriage. And once they divorced (she cheated and wound up prego with another mans baby before they were legally divorced) she trashed the house and as a result my BF had to file bankruptcy. He made great money and bm and the kids all had a great life all on his dime. But you would never know it looking at his life before and after.
We are currently trying to save as much as we can every month to afford a place of our own plus I work 40 hours a week but my pay pretty much can only support my son and myself so yeah it sucks.
His current CS order is based on his W2 from when he was working alot of hours during their marriage. Her shark atty somehow got the Judge to go by his W2 which showed that he worked/made alot, had to as he was the only one supporting the whole brood of them wife, her 3 kids and their one kid together! He is an HVAC tech so he makes 25 an hour at his current job. Great money! So now at his current job he grosses around 800/1k a wk with the amount of hours he works/gets, so after CS 230.00 a wk, taxes, med/dental appx 61.00, etc. his check is around 400 give or take.
He is trying to get his support reduced but he is afraid that they will go by his W2 and not look at his actual current paystubs that show that he makes alot less than what his W2 shows.
I swear no matter what this bitch does, whether it is leeching off the Govt or screwing over men for money she always seems to WIN!!!
There is a federal law that states no more than 50% of income can be garnished or 65% if in arrears. If he is paying too much based on his income then he absolutely needs to file for a modification.
I would not worry too much about online calculators. They are not always accurate.
He definitely wants to file, it is just his fear that her atty, if she retains one, will somehow get his W2 based on what he made LAST year to set the precedent of how much he is ordered to pay rather than what he is CURRENTLY taking home which is considerably LESS. KWIM?
He doesn't want to take the chance of paying an atty 1,500+ to go to court with him only for him to not get it lowered. His old lawyer is the one that looked it all up using the online calculator and she showed a total lowerage to around 187.00 a wk as opposed to his current order = 230.00 a wk. He was so excited to file and get it lowered but now he is worried he is going to somehow get screwed and he wants to now prolong taking her back til later this year so that it will show he is making less for a long period of time so they may NOT introduce his W2 into play.
It sucks that this even has to be an issue...CS should just be based on what they CURRENTLY make not what he made when he was busting his can to support her lazy ass and her damn kids!
BM usually always has an atty with her. She is a money grubber and lies thru her teeth, and BF is the one who gets fucked over so based on him getting screwed time and again in court he is terrified that he won't get his CS lowered even if it is APPEARS to be cut and dry. You never know what an atty or Judge will say/do and BAM he's fucked yet again!
What can you do to increase your earning potential? Not necesarrily a second job - but some extra training, etc. Even if you only took a course at a time you could eventually end up with a degree or certification in a profession that could up your earnings. And your earnings could not be touched for CS.
Yes he supported her in a nice lifestyle and it's looking like you need to be the one to provide the extras in your marriage. I face that with DH. He and 2nd wife had a nicer home and cars than I will ever have. Sent her kids to private schools and colleges. And DH came out of that marriage without a dime. No debt thank goodness but pretty much just the clothes on his back. What we have and get to do is pretty much on my dime as all of his dimes got spent on the bitch from hell. Not fair but who said life is fair.
I have an Assoc Degree in Business Admin and do A/R for one branch of a large company. I still live at home with my parents and bs9. I am not opposed to taking classes/courses to better myself but that takes alot of time to get to where I need to be in order to make more.
Plus I am limited in where I can go as far as distance for a job because I am a single mother and my son's father is not involved in any way to help me out, my mother is legally blind and can't help out in that way with driving and my father works full time and those are the only people besides BF that I can depend on. I feel so stuck!
DH had to file bankruptsy after divorcing BM. He was just so eager to get the divorce final so he could move on with his life that he agreed to anything and everything! He pays 100% medical and dental care for SD. On top of that, he also took most of the debt from their marriage. He even agreed to pay off several of BM's trips to the ER because insurance declined to pay. When they were married, DH made BANK to the tune of 80,000 a year plus bonuses. Now that that company closed, DH makes around 50,000 which is still good, but before we got married, he was still paying CS based on the initial salary. Now that CS has been adjusted, BM cries poverty to SD all the time. I keep my mouth shut, but I wanna scream. SD, the reason your mom can't afford new clothes for you is cuz she spent all the CS on her tattoo from her weekend getaway with her hooker friends."
Wow...our situations sound eerily similar. BF also had to file bankruptcy and he also made great money during their marriage but that was of course because he was the only one working 2+ jobs while BM was the only one spending. SHOCKER I KNOW! BF was supporting BM, their ONE kid they had together as well as helping support 3 other kids that weren't his! Must be nice to be BM right?! :sick:
BF is definitely overpaying. Plus he also has to carry BM & skid on his med/dental insurance and they are both responsible for 50% of skids bills. They were officially divorced in 2010 and I believe CS is still based on him making more money than he does now. Somehow BM's atty got BF's W2 introduced as a guideline to go by for CS and that is what fucked him! So now BF is worried that if he goes back to court she will have it introduced again and he won't be able to get a reduction. He currently pays 230.00 a week and I think that is ridiculous for one kid! BM lives high off the hog with new vehicles every 1-2 years, nice apts, hair, nails, tanning etc and BF is the opposite of her life it totally sucks!!!
That was written up on their divorce decree/agreement. And according to the DD the only way BM gets kicked off is if BF's insurance goes up and SHE decides she doesn't want to pay the extra! Most people have something that states if they remarry or whatever they get booted off....we just found out recently that BM got remarried (#3) and there is NOTHING we can do about it! And my BF's insurance is going up very soon! But apparently we also just found out that he is actually paying LESS in med ins costs at his current jub then he was last year at his previous job so another ass raping for BF and score for BM!!!
BF's employer wants BF to try and get her off the Ins. because it costs MORE for a single +1 +1 than it would a family plan. So how nice for me if someday I want to actually marry my BF and we try to add myself and my son to the policy and they are like wtf how many wives do you have or deny me and my son altogether because of THAT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now you see why I am sooo frustraed with "THIS LIFE"....
I believe since it is in the DD BF has no choice but to carry BM on his insurance. Only unless she decides she doesn't want to be on it anymore or the cost goes up and she CHOOSES not to pay the extra will she ever be off his insurance! Can you imagine...you get a divorce from someone and they get REMARRIED to some other person and YOUR SO STILL HAS TO PAY FOR THEM WHILE THEIR NEW SPOUSE DOESN'T HAVE TO CARRY THEM ON THEIR INSURANCE???!!!!! SOOOOO FUCKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is there NO END to these loser BM's fucking up OUR lives???!!! UGH!!!!
It's like we/I will NEVER be rid of this pos c***! And if we get married wtf is going to happen to me when I need med ins coverage??!!
I really hope he can because I swear my ass will be catching a case if my son and I can't go on BF's insurance once we are married because that REMARRIED bitch is on there and can't be kicked off!
How long has it been since the CS has been modified? Is it going through the state? Our state sends out notices that either party can choose to have the incomes looked at for a possible modification every three years. It also states that it has to change over 15% (CS) for them to change it.
He can do that without a lawyer. OR, if it hasn't been three years, he can file the paperwork himself (the court clerks will help) and go without a lawyer - representing himself. His argument can be where he lives and that he is not getting as many hours as he used to AND that she is able to afford a lawyer!
Before we got together, once my DH went to court and lifted his shirt up to show the judge how bony he was because he couldn't afford much food. A little dramatic, yes, but the judge lowered his CS!
"Also pisses me off that they look at the previous years W2 for the calculation - part of his income is bonus based and business has been down, but the courts don't give 2 shits about that."
EXACTLY!!! My BF doesn't get big bonuses persay but he switched companies so that means he did show to make decent money last year so he is scared to try to get a lowerage now eventhough he is currently getting less hours and pay than he did last year. Our CS system BLOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish someone would step the fuck up and change it so that everyone is on a fair playing field and one parent is NOT living in the lap of luxury while the other one scrapes by....
I believe that CS order has been in effect since 2010/11. Yes, they go thru our states CS enforcement division so it comes right out of every paycheck. Yes, we were told that there needed to be a 15/20% difference in the income for either a reduction or an increase. I am sure BM wouldn't be able to get an increase but BF is worried he won't get a decrease either.
Those are good points to use if he represents himself! But he is afraid his mind will go completely blank and he won't know what to say or do in his defense and if she has an atty with her that atty will snowball him! I know the worst that can happen is that he won't get a decrease but I know for sure she won't get an increase! It's like they don't even give a fuck about the men. It is all about poor BM and her kid(s). Seriously, there are sooo many options and offerings these days for single mothers, but if it was a man coming to look for govt support/handout THEY WOULD BE LIKE GET A JOB! A man should pay/support his child BUT if a man is struggling and living like a pauper while BM is living like a Rockstar on HIS DIME...THAT IS NOT RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IMHO.
LOL..if my BF lifted up his shirt it would have the opposite effect...hes put on weight since we have been together, as have I. Ugh damn relationships!!!
So sorry to hear about that.
I live in Ontario and Child Support is based on what is stated in the CO. Currently, my CS is based on what my ex made the year the CO was made, however there is a stipulation that says we are to disclose our income taxes every year by X Date. Therefore, CS should be based on the previous year(only makes sense tax wise). My Child Support is garnished through my ex work.
Could your BF claim undue hardship?(basically the courts will compare households and if your BF standard of living is lower than his ex's he could therefore get his CS reduced). I think its worth it, to modify his CO and to put a clause that says, CS is to be based on income each year and whatever else is necessary.
Sorry if it doesnt make sense Im at work.
The suggestion of pursuing further education is always good.
Im a receptionist right now yay! and am finishing up my Bachelor degree, Im 27, taken me a long time LOL!
See, last year BF switched jobs. He worked for an oil co. up until end of March. So he made good money as it was winter and then he went from an oil co. to an hvac service company so work is not always there and he doesn't always get the hours. After CS, taxes, etc. come out of his check he nets less than 400.00 a week. So his W2 from last year wouldn't be a good reflection of what he is currently making. So he is afraid he might get screwed and NOT get his CS lowered. He is thinking that if he goes towards the end of this year to get it lowered that he might be able to get it lowered and not have to have last years W2 introduced as a guideline to figure out CS. This way here he will be able to show that he has been steadily not getting alot of hours and that his gross income has significantly reduced.
I don't blame him for being scared to go try and get it lowered. The way our "justice" system is more biased against men would scare me too! Plus if she has an atty and he doesn't he might just freeze up and that atty might get him fucked over yet again and then of course BM will think that she has won and I'm sure will throw it in his face any chance she can. I just HATE that my man is funding some lazy pos lifestyle and we scrape by and have to put our future on hold for THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RWF...It is soooo fucking WRONG on sooo many levels that just because we are with a man with shitty baggage WE have to pick up that slack and compensate for what our SO can't do for us or give us because of THEIR past fuck ups! KWIM?
I am not saying that us women shouldn't and don't have to contribute to our households financially BUT what I am saying is that it is soo fucked up that we have to step up and work our tails off and/or scrape by BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO SUPPORT SOME STUPID EX who just happened to birth their child(ren) and skids!!!
Why the fuck should we/I have to go without and work to pay for bills etc. JUST BECAUSE my SO has to pay some insane amount to some lazy pos bitch??!!! Burns my ass BAD!!!!
Tasha, I agree with you 100%, but I think you meant this for RedEYES...LMAO
And I'm in the same boat. DH's CS obligation more than DOUBLED recently, but the silver lining for me is that I no longer have to deal with stepdevil14.
BM only works part time as well, at a retail job, while DH and I put in 40+ hrs per week so she can have her drunk ass brother and her boyfriend both living with her and paying all of her bills. It burns my ass and all I can say is 4 1/2 more years and DH can tell her to fuck off for good.
SD14 will likely never want to come around us anymore anyway and I'm perfectly fine with that. DH is learning that he doesn't really WANT SD around with the way she's currently acting, and he's fearful that if she's forced to resume visitation before she WANTS to, she'll retaliate by lying and trying to get DH in trouble.
Hard fact of life but yeah, it's not getting any easier for a long time!
LMAO...OOPS! I am sooo used to seeing RWF comments on posts that I didn't even catch that. My bad! Hehehe
It completely sucks all around for us SM....we fall in love with a man and then THIS is the life and bullshit that we HAVE to put up with if we want to be with our men.
Their "past" constantly fucking up OUR lives/futures and we have no say or control over any of it. These bitches get tons of our man's hard earned money and we the "2nd" family have to either work more or get by with less so the BM and skid(s) can live in the lap of luxury so to speak.
I CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT FUCKING KID TO GROW THE FUCK UP SO WE DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR HIM EVER AGAIN OR HAVE TO HAND OVER MY MAN'S MONEY TO THAT LAZY POS C***!!!!
I am going to party like it's 1999 the day those wastes of skin get their last hand out from my man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YUP! And I just read that CS in Colorado is to be paid until SD graduates high school, up till 21 years of age! HOLY HELL. I could honestly see her not graduating on time (she's already been held back once). It's supposed to stop at age 19 (which if she graduates on time at age 18, will only be 3 months later till she's 19). Let's all cross our fingers that she graduates on time!
I get angry alot too. Just this week I was thinking that I might not even want to get married. Just continue as is eventhough I don't want to live with a man until I am married I guess he will be living in his shit hole and I will continue to live at home with my parents and BS9 because IDK when we will ever be able to afford a house of our own. And BF will be almost 50 when skid is 18 and that is only if he doesn't go to college will BF be done paying CS ! Who the fuck will give us a decent rate for a mortgage when my man will be 50+!
I love my man but seriously THIS LIFE FUCKING BLOWS CHUNKS!!!! I honestly don't know how much longer I can hang on to this nightmare....
EXACTLY! They fuck up their lives making stupid choices in women and then we come along and we are actually DECENT women and we have to SUFFER the consequences of their stupidity right along with them.... Soooo fucking depressing!
I am soooo sorry that you have to deal with that complete bs Lavendar. Sooo fucking unfair!
Why is it that (or so it seems) the douchebag women always seem to land the good men who actually take care of their kids and pay CS etc. and then we find these good men AFTER they are dirt broke, in debt, can't/barely do squat for us and our future like a man should be able to (home, pay bills, etc.)....
I honestly wonder if I really love my man or if I am stone cold stupid and desperate to stay in this nightmare!!!! :? :O
It is VERY hard, better yet BEYOND hard to not let this constant bullshit get to you...apparently you need to have the thickest skin known to man in order to deal with this insanity!!!
Lavendar...I could have just written what you wrote word for word!!!!
In my man's case, he met BM while he was coaching hockey and one of her kids was a player on his team. They got together, he knocked her up and being the nice guy that he is he tried to do the noble thing and he married her. HUGE MISTAKE! He was married to douchetrap for 9 years. She controlled ALL of his money! She didn't work at all (until later on he told her to get a job) and he was working 2+ jobs to support her, their one kid, and her 3 other kids from previous relationships. They had nice houses, new vehicles, nice things, you name it. Then he finds out she was cheating on him, we don't know for how long or with how many men but she wound up pregnant by someone while they were still legally married. She took him thru the ringer and then back to clean up the mess!!! He was in a miserable marriage for a long time. She was the devil with a vagina! Girl I could tell you stories of the pure evil and insanity this woman had running thru her veins.
I am jealous too, I admit it. I am almost 30, I have never been married and I still live at home with my parents and son because alone I cannot afford to live on my own. So all I wanted was to find a nice man that would love me and my son etc. and I did find that man alright but at the price of not being able to have a home of our own, barely any money to start our life with YOU NAME IT! I am constantly bitter, resentful, jealous, angry and depressed over this whole bullshit!
BM gets new vehocles every 1-2 years, lives in nice apts, gets her hair, nails, tanning, etc. skid has name brand shit all the time, new video games, etc. and then theres my man and me.....I just want to cry at how awful this fucking life is...I love my man but damn sometimes I wish I didn't fall in love with him and stick around. I could be married and have a nice house right now but who knows if I would ever find a man that loves me and my kid like he does...is it worth the risk??? I don't honestly know anymore.....
It is fucking insane that when two people part ways the man gets fucked royally and anyone he is with thereafter gets fucked right along with them and has to suffer in so many ways, especially financially, ALL because of their mans inability to keep his dick out of crazy!!!
Then of course when the BM gets a new man or remarried her new man can sit pretty right along with her cuz he doesnt have to pay for her kids or insure them because the poor schlep dumb enough to breed with her is already getting ass raped for it!!!
I don't ask or expect my BF to support my child one bit! If he CHOOSES to then I appreciate it very much. It just sucks that we get the "sloppy seconds" and some completely heinous bitch had the "good life" before us.....
MUST BE FUCKING NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRR I HATE THIS TOTALLY FUCKED UP INJUSTICE OF A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!
Over the last few months my
Over the last few months my BF has been trying to get things in order so that he can get his CS lowered sometime in the near future. He currently pays 230wk/920mo for ONE child with XW.
He is making a few dollars more an hour now but isn't getting the hours like he used to at his old company. We consulted an attorney a few weeks ago and it looks pretty good that he could get his CS reduced by almost 50.00 a week. I'm sure we can think of something that we can use an extra 200.00 a month for...
Last night we were online screwing around with our state's child support calculator and depending on what we plugged in for numbers it could either look really good for us or had me feeling depressed. According to the calculator whether BM grossed 200 a week or the SAME as BF did last year on his tax return it doesn't matter HE is the one who gets FUCKED!
According to the calculator even if BF and BM made the SAME amount and BF paid for med/dental he would still have to pay 200 a wk! But if BF's gross income went up even 10.00 the CS amount went up alot, but if her gross income went up it either didn't budge or went down like a dollar or two tops. That depressed the shit out of me! I finally got so upset that I just said to BF...Just suck it up and keep paying the 230.00 a week til the fucking kid is 18! He was shocked and was like what's wrong? I told him that I didn't want to talk about "this" anymore and I went outside with my son. I know he works hard and tries his best to take care of us but seriously this shit sucks so bad!
I am not saying that a man shouldn't have to pay for their kid(s) and that the BM/CP should have to shoulder the financial burden alone BUT I am saying that one parent shouldn't be living high off the hog while the other one barely makes it by! This is the case in my BF's situation...BM always has a nice place of her own to live with her 5 kids from 4 different men and I am not talking about Govt housing, I am talking about decent apts in nice areas.
My BF lives in a shitty neighborhood in the breezeway of his friends basement apt, anyone can walk in and out anytime they want and his only "privacy" is a clothes rack with a sheet over it, a tall bureau and one of those old big screen tv's that have the huge back to them THAT is what we use to prevent people from seeing into our "space" but of course those items are only so tall so of course someone can look over it if they really wanted to.
And of course BM can "afford" to have new vehicles every 1-2 years and BF is driving a broken down truck that he has to keep sinking the money we are TRYING to save up for a place into it because he can't afford a new/newer vehicle payment.
Of course skid always has name brand everything, new video games, a flat screen tv etc. and BF well I think you get the point...
This life just sucks! We are currently trying to save for a place of our own so that we can finally get married but God only knows when that will actually happen!!!
If my BF didn't love us so much and wasn't so amazing to my son and I and I didn't love the shit outta him I would have ran like the wind a LONG time ago!!!
Thats the thing Cheri...he
Thats the thing Cheri...he pays his CS every week on time, never had any issues with paying and never was in arrears. After he gets raped in CS he literally nets under 400 with the amount of hours he gets at work. He would love to get his own place however if he does get lets say a studio apt, he would still have to pay for any utilities that aren't covered etc. And the only thing we really do for ourselves is eat out here and there. We don't spend money on vacations or shopping sprees etc. and even when we do go out to eat we eat CHEAP! Our check will come to usually 15-30 or less at a sit down restaurant and that is for the two of us or including my BS. And obviously less if we are at a FF place.
During his marriage to BM he was the only one working, he paid ALL the bills and also helped support 3 extra kids that weren't even his! BM controlled all the money of course, dumb move on BF's part for sure!
They had a few different houses and various new cars during their marriage. And once they divorced (she cheated and wound up prego with another mans baby before they were legally divorced) she trashed the house and as a result my BF had to file bankruptcy. He made great money and bm and the kids all had a great life all on his dime. But you would never know it looking at his life before and after.
We are currently trying to save as much as we can every month to afford a place of our own plus I work 40 hours a week but my pay pretty much can only support my son and myself so yeah it sucks.
His current CS order is based
His current CS order is based on his W2 from when he was working alot of hours during their marriage. Her shark atty somehow got the Judge to go by his W2 which showed that he worked/made alot, had to as he was the only one supporting the whole brood of them wife, her 3 kids and their one kid together! He is an HVAC tech so he makes 25 an hour at his current job. Great money! So now at his current job he grosses around 800/1k a wk with the amount of hours he works/gets, so after CS 230.00 a wk, taxes, med/dental appx 61.00, etc. his check is around 400 give or take.
He is trying to get his support reduced but he is afraid that they will go by his W2 and not look at his actual current paystubs that show that he makes alot less than what his W2 shows.
I swear no matter what this bitch does, whether it is leeching off the Govt or screwing over men for money she always seems to WIN!!!
There is a federal law that
There is a federal law that states no more than 50% of income can be garnished or 65% if in arrears. If he is paying too much based on his income then he absolutely needs to file for a modification.
I would not worry too much about online calculators. They are not always accurate.
He definitely wants to file,
He definitely wants to file, it is just his fear that her atty, if she retains one, will somehow get his W2 based on what he made LAST year to set the precedent of how much he is ordered to pay rather than what he is CURRENTLY taking home which is considerably LESS. KWIM?
He doesn't want to take the chance of paying an atty 1,500+ to go to court with him only for him to not get it lowered. His old lawyer is the one that looked it all up using the online calculator and she showed a total lowerage to around 187.00 a wk as opposed to his current order = 230.00 a wk. He was so excited to file and get it lowered but now he is worried he is going to somehow get screwed and he wants to now prolong taking her back til later this year so that it will show he is making less for a long period of time so they may NOT introduce his W2 into play.
It sucks that this even has to be an issue...CS should just be based on what they CURRENTLY make not what he made when he was busting his can to support her lazy ass and her damn kids!
Does he need a lawyer for
Does he need a lawyer for that? Can't he file on his own? CS is a numbers game, it is pretty cut and dry.
BM usually always has an atty
BM usually always has an atty with her. She is a money grubber and lies thru her teeth, and BF is the one who gets fucked over so based on him getting screwed time and again in court he is terrified that he won't get his CS lowered even if it is APPEARS to be cut and dry. You never know what an atty or Judge will say/do and BAM he's fucked yet again!
What can you do to increase
What can you do to increase your earning potential? Not necesarrily a second job - but some extra training, etc. Even if you only took a course at a time you could eventually end up with a degree or certification in a profession that could up your earnings. And your earnings could not be touched for CS.
Yes he supported her in a nice lifestyle and it's looking like you need to be the one to provide the extras in your marriage. I face that with DH. He and 2nd wife had a nicer home and cars than I will ever have. Sent her kids to private schools and colleges. And DH came out of that marriage without a dime. No debt thank goodness but pretty much just the clothes on his back. What we have and get to do is pretty much on my dime as all of his dimes got spent on the bitch from hell. Not fair but who said life is fair.
I have an Assoc Degree in
I have an Assoc Degree in Business Admin and do A/R for one branch of a large company. I still live at home with my parents and bs9. I am not opposed to taking classes/courses to better myself but that takes alot of time to get to where I need to be in order to make more.
Plus I am limited in where I can go as far as distance for a job because I am a single mother and my son's father is not involved in any way to help me out, my mother is legally blind and can't help out in that way with driving and my father works full time and those are the only people besides BF that I can depend on. I feel so stuck!
HUGS, lady. I feel you.
HUGS, lady. I feel you.
Thanks SD
Thanks SD
DH had to file bankruptsy
DH had to file bankruptsy after divorcing BM. He was just so eager to get the divorce final so he could move on with his life that he agreed to anything and everything! He pays 100% medical and dental care for SD. On top of that, he also took most of the debt from their marriage. He even agreed to pay off several of BM's trips to the ER because insurance declined to pay. When they were married, DH made BANK to the tune of 80,000 a year plus bonuses. Now that that company closed, DH makes around 50,000 which is still good, but before we got married, he was still paying CS based on the initial salary. Now that CS has been adjusted, BM cries poverty to SD all the time. I keep my mouth shut, but I wanna scream. SD, the reason your mom can't afford new clothes for you is cuz she spent all the CS on her tattoo from her weekend getaway with her hooker friends."
Wow...our situations sound
Wow...our situations sound eerily similar. BF also had to file bankruptcy and he also made great money during their marriage but that was of course because he was the only one working 2+ jobs while BM was the only one spending. SHOCKER I KNOW! BF was supporting BM, their ONE kid they had together as well as helping support 3 other kids that weren't his! Must be nice to be BM right?! :sick:
BF is definitely overpaying. Plus he also has to carry BM & skid on his med/dental insurance and they are both responsible for 50% of skids bills. They were officially divorced in 2010 and I believe CS is still based on him making more money than he does now. Somehow BM's atty got BF's W2 introduced as a guideline to go by for CS and that is what fucked him! So now BF is worried that if he goes back to court she will have it introduced again and he won't be able to get a reduction. He currently pays 230.00 a week and I think that is ridiculous for one kid! BM lives high off the hog with new vehicles every 1-2 years, nice apts, hair, nails, tanning etc and BF is the opposite of her life
it totally sucks!!!
That was written up on their
That was written up on their divorce decree/agreement. And according to the DD the only way BM gets kicked off is if BF's insurance goes up and SHE decides she doesn't want to pay the extra! Most people have something that states if they remarry or whatever they get booted off....we just found out recently that BM got remarried (#3) and there is NOTHING we can do about it! And my BF's insurance is going up very soon! But apparently we also just found out that he is actually paying LESS in med ins costs at his current jub then he was last year at his previous job so another ass raping for BF and score for BM!!!
BF's employer wants BF to try and get her off the Ins. because it costs MORE for a single +1 +1 than it would a family plan. So how nice for me if someday I want to actually marry my BF and we try to add myself and my son to the policy and they are like wtf how many wives do you have or deny me and my son altogether because of THAT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now you see why I am sooo frustraed with "THIS LIFE"....
I believe since it is in the
I believe since it is in the DD BF has no choice but to carry BM on his insurance. Only unless she decides she doesn't want to be on it anymore or the cost goes up and she CHOOSES not to pay the extra will she ever be off his insurance! Can you imagine...you get a divorce from someone and they get REMARRIED to some other person and YOUR SO STILL HAS TO PAY FOR THEM WHILE THEIR NEW SPOUSE DOESN'T HAVE TO CARRY THEM ON THEIR INSURANCE???!!!!! SOOOOO FUCKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is there NO END to these loser BM's fucking up OUR lives???!!! UGH!!!!
It's like we/I will NEVER be rid of this pos c***! And if we get married wtf is going to happen to me when I need med ins coverage??!!
I really hope he can because
I really hope he can because I swear my ass will be catching a case if my son and I can't go on BF's insurance once we are married because that REMARRIED bitch is on there and can't be kicked off!
How long has it been since
How long has it been since the CS has been modified? Is it going through the state? Our state sends out notices that either party can choose to have the incomes looked at for a possible modification every three years. It also states that it has to change over 15% (CS) for them to change it.
He can do that without a lawyer. OR, if it hasn't been three years, he can file the paperwork himself (the court clerks will help) and go without a lawyer - representing himself. His argument can be where he lives and that he is not getting as many hours as he used to AND that she is able to afford a lawyer!
Before we got together, once my DH went to court and lifted his shirt up to show the judge how bony he was because he couldn't afford much food. A little dramatic, yes, but the judge lowered his CS!
"Also pisses me off that they
"Also pisses me off that they look at the previous years W2 for the calculation - part of his income is bonus based and business has been down, but the courts don't give 2 shits about that."
EXACTLY!!! My BF doesn't get big bonuses persay but he switched companies so that means he did show to make decent money last year so he is scared to try to get a lowerage now eventhough he is currently getting less hours and pay than he did last year. Our CS system BLOWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I wish someone would step the fuck up and change it so that everyone is on a fair playing field and one parent is NOT living in the lap of luxury while the other one scrapes by....
I believe that CS order has
I believe that CS order has been in effect since 2010/11. Yes, they go thru our states CS enforcement division so it comes right out of every paycheck. Yes, we were told that there needed to be a 15/20% difference in the income for either a reduction or an increase. I am sure BM wouldn't be able to get an increase but BF is worried he won't get a decrease either.
Those are good points to use if he represents himself! But he is afraid his mind will go completely blank and he won't know what to say or do in his defense and if she has an atty with her that atty will snowball him! I know the worst that can happen is that he won't get a decrease but I know for sure she won't get an increase! It's like they don't even give a fuck about the men. It is all about poor BM and her kid(s). Seriously, there are sooo many options and offerings these days for single mothers, but if it was a man coming to look for govt support/handout THEY WOULD BE LIKE GET A JOB! A man should pay/support his child BUT if a man is struggling and living like a pauper while BM is living like a Rockstar on HIS DIME...THAT IS NOT RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IMHO.
LOL..if my BF lifted up his shirt it would have the opposite effect...hes put on weight since we have been together, as have I. Ugh damn relationships!!!
That's horrible, Tasha. I
That's horrible, Tasha. I can't stand these greedy @$$ BMs!
I know...it totally sucks!!!
I know...it totally sucks!!! Where is the fucking justice in this world!!!
So sorry to hear about
So sorry to hear about that.
I live in Ontario and Child Support is based on what is stated in the CO. Currently, my CS is based on what my ex made the year the CO was made, however there is a stipulation that says we are to disclose our income taxes every year by X Date. Therefore, CS should be based on the previous year(only makes sense tax wise). My Child Support is garnished through my ex work.
Could your BF claim undue hardship?(basically the courts will compare households and if your BF standard of living is lower than his ex's he could therefore get his CS reduced). I think its worth it, to modify his CO and to put a clause that says, CS is to be based on income each year and whatever else is necessary.
Sorry if it doesnt make sense Im at work.
The suggestion of pursuing further education is always good.
Im a receptionist right now yay! and am finishing up my Bachelor degree, Im 27, taken me a long time LOL!
See, last year BF switched
See, last year BF switched jobs. He worked for an oil co. up until end of March. So he made good money as it was winter and then he went from an oil co. to an hvac service company so work is not always there and he doesn't always get the hours. After CS, taxes, etc. come out of his check he nets less than 400.00 a week. So his W2 from last year wouldn't be a good reflection of what he is currently making. So he is afraid he might get screwed and NOT get his CS lowered. He is thinking that if he goes towards the end of this year to get it lowered that he might be able to get it lowered and not have to have last years W2 introduced as a guideline to figure out CS. This way here he will be able to show that he has been steadily not getting alot of hours and that his gross income has significantly reduced.
I don't blame him for being scared to go try and get it lowered. The way our "justice" system is more biased against men would scare me too! Plus if she has an atty and he doesn't he might just freeze up and that atty might get him fucked over yet again and then of course BM will think that she has won and I'm sure will throw it in his face any chance she can. I just HATE that my man is funding some lazy pos lifestyle and we scrape by and have to put our future on hold for THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RWF...It is soooo fucking
RWF...It is soooo fucking WRONG on sooo many levels that just because we are with a man with shitty baggage WE have to pick up that slack and compensate for what our SO can't do for us or give us because of THEIR past fuck ups! KWIM?
I am not saying that us women shouldn't and don't have to contribute to our households financially BUT what I am saying is that it is soo fucked up that we have to step up and work our tails off and/or scrape by BECAUSE THEY HAVE TO SUPPORT SOME STUPID EX who just happened to birth their child(ren) and skids!!!
Burns my ass BAD!!!!
Why the fuck should we/I have to go without and work to pay for bills etc. JUST BECAUSE my SO has to pay some insane amount to some lazy pos bitch??!!!
THAT IS DEFINITELY RAPE!!!!
Tasha, I agree with you 100%,
Tasha, I agree with you 100%, but I think you meant this for RedEYES...LMAO
And I'm in the same boat. DH's CS obligation more than DOUBLED recently, but the silver lining for me is that I no longer have to deal with stepdevil14.
BM only works part time as well, at a retail job, while DH and I put in 40+ hrs per week so she can have her drunk ass brother and her boyfriend both living with her and paying all of her bills. It burns my ass and all I can say is 4 1/2 more years and DH can tell her to fuck off for good.
SD14 will likely never want to come around us anymore anyway and I'm perfectly fine with that. DH is learning that he doesn't really WANT SD around with the way she's currently acting, and he's fearful that if she's forced to resume visitation before she WANTS to, she'll retaliate by lying and trying to get DH in trouble.
Hard fact of life but yeah, it's not getting any easier for a long time!
LMAO...OOPS! I am sooo used
LMAO...OOPS! I am sooo used to seeing RWF comments on posts that I didn't even catch that. My bad! Hehehe
It completely sucks all around for us SM....we fall in love with a man and then THIS is the life and bullshit that we HAVE to put up with if we want to be with our men.
Their "past" constantly fucking up OUR lives/futures and we have no say or control over any of it. These bitches get tons of our man's hard earned money and we the "2nd" family have to either work more or get by with less so the BM and skid(s) can live in the lap of luxury so to speak.
I CANNOT WAIT FOR THAT FUCKING KID TO GROW THE FUCK UP SO WE DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR HIM EVER AGAIN OR HAVE TO HAND OVER MY MAN'S MONEY TO THAT LAZY POS C***!!!!
I am going to party like it's 1999 the day those wastes of skin get their last hand out from my man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YUP! And I just read that CS
YUP! And I just read that CS in Colorado is to be paid until SD graduates high school, up till 21 years of age! HOLY HELL. I could honestly see her not graduating on time (she's already been held back once). It's supposed to stop at age 19 (which if she graduates on time at age 18, will only be 3 months later till she's 19). Let's all cross our fingers that she graduates on time!
Only for your sake do I hope
Only for your sake do I hope and pray to God that happens RWF!!!!
I wouldn't wish this horrible life of paying A RIDICULOUS AMOUNT OF CS to a loser BM and skids on ANYONE....but my WORST enemy of course!!!
I get angry alot too. Just
I get angry alot too. Just this week I was thinking that I might not even want to get married. Just continue as is eventhough I don't want to live with a man until I am married I guess he will be living in his shit hole and I will continue to live at home with my parents and BS9 because IDK when we will ever be able to afford a house of our own. And BF will be almost 50 when skid is 18 and that is only if he doesn't go to college will BF be done paying CS
! Who the fuck will give us a decent rate for a mortgage when my man will be 50+!
I love my man but seriously THIS LIFE FUCKING BLOWS CHUNKS!!!! I honestly don't know how much longer I can hang on to this nightmare....
EXACTLY! They fuck up their
EXACTLY! They fuck up their lives making stupid choices in women and then we come along and we are actually DECENT women and we have to SUFFER the consequences of their stupidity right along with them....
Soooo fucking depressing!
I am soooo sorry that you have to deal with that complete bs Lavendar. Sooo fucking unfair!
Why is it that (or so it seems) the douchebag women always seem to land the good men who actually take care of their kids and pay CS etc. and then we find these good men AFTER they are dirt broke, in debt, can't/barely do squat for us and our future like a man should be able to (home, pay bills, etc.)....
I honestly wonder if I really love my man or if I am stone cold stupid and desperate to stay in this nightmare!!!! :? :O
It is VERY hard, better yet BEYOND hard to not let this constant bullshit get to you...apparently you need to have the thickest skin known to man in order to deal with this insanity!!!
Lavendar...I could have just
Lavendar...I could have just written what you wrote word for word!!!!
In my man's case, he met BM while he was coaching hockey and one of her kids was a player on his team. They got together, he knocked her up and being the nice guy that he is he tried to do the noble thing and he married her. HUGE MISTAKE! He was married to douchetrap for 9 years. She controlled ALL of his money! She didn't work at all (until later on he told her to get a job) and he was working 2+ jobs to support her, their one kid, and her 3 other kids from previous relationships. They had nice houses, new vehicles, nice things, you name it. Then he finds out she was cheating on him, we don't know for how long or with how many men but she wound up pregnant by someone while they were still legally married. She took him thru the ringer and then back to clean up the mess!!! He was in a miserable marriage for a long time. She was the devil with a vagina! Girl I could tell you stories of the pure evil and insanity this woman had running thru her veins.
I am jealous too, I admit it. I am almost 30, I have never been married and I still live at home with my parents and son because alone I cannot afford to live on my own. So all I wanted was to find a nice man that would love me and my son etc. and I did find that man alright but at the price of not being able to have a home of our own, barely any money to start our life with YOU NAME IT! I am constantly bitter, resentful, jealous, angry and depressed over this whole bullshit!
BM gets new vehocles every 1-2 years, lives in nice apts, gets her hair, nails, tanning, etc. skid has name brand shit all the time, new video games, etc. and then theres my man and me.....I just want to cry at how awful this fucking life is...I love my man but damn sometimes I wish I didn't fall in love with him and stick around. I could be married and have a nice house right now but who knows if I would ever find a man that loves me and my kid like he does...is it worth the risk??? I don't honestly know anymore.....
I couldn't agree MORE!!!! It
I couldn't agree MORE!!!!
It is fucking insane that when two people part ways the man gets fucked royally and anyone he is with thereafter gets fucked right along with them and has to suffer in so many ways, especially financially, ALL because of their mans inability to keep his dick out of crazy!!!
Then of course when the BM gets a new man or remarried her new man can sit pretty right along with her cuz he doesnt have to pay for her kids or insure them because the poor schlep dumb enough to breed with her is already getting ass raped for it!!!
I don't ask or expect my BF to support my child one bit! If he CHOOSES to then I appreciate it very much. It just sucks that we get the "sloppy seconds" and some completely heinous bitch had the "good life" before us.....
MUST BE FUCKING NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRR I HATE THIS TOTALLY FUCKED UP INJUSTICE OF A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!
I just got off the floor from
I just got off the floor from fainting.......
I'd have to hire a hit man if
I'd have to hire a hit man if SS27 was still getting support. }:)
I am gonna hire a hitman if
I am gonna hire a hitman if our life has to be put on hold because we can't afford to live once SS turns 18 and BF still has to pay!!!! }:)