How about you take care of them ALL the time.

I wonder how well it would be taken if I just STOPPED doing ANYTHING a mom does. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, taking care of them when they are sick, comforting them when they are upset, guiding and discipling them when they are out of line, expecting them to get good grades, loving and caring for them..... the list could go on for 5 more pages. But the bottom line is, when the kids needed a "mom" type, you're not around, and they come to me.... what if I just say, "I'm NOT your mom," and walk away? What if, at 4 a.m. when your kid is puking all over MY house or has wet the bed, I call you, wake YOU up, and expect YOU to clean up after YOUR kid??? I could go right back to sleep, and let you do the mommy thing (glady).

Would I be considered a bad person? "Oh my, how could she do that to a child?"

The truth is, I am EXPECTED to do everything a mother would do, and if I don't, I'm being bad to the kids. However, if I do, BM, you're going to continue to remind the kids, "I'm not their mom."

My SD never had the idea that I "wasn't her mom." Her and I are both well aware of this fact. However, we had a mutual respect and love for eachother. Shortly before our wedding, my SD says something to the affect of, "I'm just afraid you're going to try to be like my mom." What this meant, I had no idea, I had been raising her and in her life for years. I later found out, she was blatently told this by her mom, as a ploy, to get SD to act like BM, and be allowed to be disrespectful and out of control in our home. This shit, doesn't fly with me.

She has been pulling the, "I'm not her mom card," whenever she conveniently doesn't want to get in trouble, of course it's never when I'm doing all the "good" mommy stuff. And that, doesn't fly with DH.

Like I said, this idea came directly from BM, and has served no purpose, except for SD being MORE confused.... and us having to crack down harder. Also, my husband has stood with me 100%. SD hasn't gotten away with a lick of it. BM was trying to use her daughter as a "mini-me" to do her dirty work in our home..... Where does this leave SD, when she can see right infront of her, her father's wife is more important than her and her mom's temer-tantrums. That her mom no longer has the authority with her dad. That, as the child, she will not be allowed to be in charge of our home. This should all come naturally, but when she has been given a false sense of control, and has it crushed.... what does that do to her?

Here's the thing, I may be the ONLY person in SD's life who doesn't blow roses up her a$$, I may be the ONLY person who calls her out on her bs, I may be the ONLY person who does not play either her or her mother's games...... and, yeah, that might be tough for a young lady who is so screwed in the head from all the drama, and so used to getting away with everything. But guess what? LIFE IS TOUGH.

I'm also the ONLY person in her life she doesn't lie to, rarely tries to manipulate, and NEVER has the balls to mouth off to or disrespect...... EVER, not even once. Yes, I'm tough, but it comes from a place of love, and I am ONE person, who sees the amazing-ness in this little lady being tainted and ruined, and I'm not going to let it fly in MY home.

So, again, BM, go ahead and tell her, them, that I am not their mom. You're right, I'm not, that's pretty obvious. However, I will tell you, like I told SD, "Saying something like, I'm not your mom, makes no difference. It will not get you out of conducting yourself in the way we expect when you are in OUR home. We are the adults, YOU are the child, your MOM has NO say so in our home..... we are in charge, not you, not your mom. That is NEVER gonna change."

So, how about this, I STILL have the authority in MY home, when it comes to your children, my DH and I say so. However, I will no longer do ANYTHING a mom does. So, when your kids show up with their dirty laundry, have fun washing it, or find them coming home from school in dirty undies, I'm not their mom. When I make dinner, for myself and my husband, and they don't like it, they can starve. When they open our cupboards to eat all of OUR food, and find nothing they like.... you can send them with snack money for the next visit. When they break down about something YOU did, I won't comfort them like I normally do, and make you look like you're just making innocent mistakes, and it will be ok... I will tell them exactly what I'm thinking, and then, to suck it up, cause, I'm-NOT-their-MOM!!!