View from a BM and a SM
I am both a BM and a SM. From the BM side I am very respectful of my BD fiance. She is 10 years younger than me and is beautiful. She seems to be smart and I can see why he likes her. I on the other hand feel very sorry for her as he is a snake but that's their lives and it's not my job to butt in. We have two sons together. I have full custody but from day one I have made her welcome as I first introduced myself at a soccer game to her. We have text on a few occassions and I have met her for her to take my sons to the movies. I would rather deal with her any day than my Bd.
On the other side as a SM, My DH has a BM from hell. she makes our lives miserable and causes drama at every pick up and drop off. She has never met me although I do accompany him I never say a word. I treat my SD very well but the BM has nothing but contempt for me. she left him and cheated but she continues to text him talking about how I am ugly and it's so funny he's with me. She has talked about my sons, has called me a slut in front of my SD at a drop off. She has hit my DH many times and calls us non stop. She used to make videos of the SD when she was like 3 yrs old of her crying not wanting to go to her dads because of the awful things BM told her then she would send it to my DH saying it must suck for your daughter to hate you. She's evil.
I do not understand any of it and wish more women would just realize if someone is treating your child well just be happy that they are happy. Life is too short to play games and cause grief in others lives.
My exh has not found someone
My exh has not found someone yet and sometimes I wonder what sort of bm I will be. lol I like to think I'd be a really kind and open hearted bm and it helps that my boys are getting older and more independant. If they were younger and more reliant on adults it might be more difficult. I really respect those of you who have to send your little ones over to her house eow. I am also amazed at how I can handle being a full time sm. My bm is very jealose of me but I don't know why since she was the one who sent her boys over here?
i have always encouraged my
i have always encouraged my ex to take more of a role in our daughters life to the point of calling him and asking if he wanted to spend fathers day or her birthday with just him and her, he wont ask unless i put it out there first. my step son who is 1 wants more to do with me than his father. my husband works nights and i work days so i am always the one picking ss up. i have a pretty good relationship with the ex's family i will text the ex and have a general conversation occasionally but i really hate her guts. she is a terrible mom all she does is toss her kids on her mom and party. i would seriously love to beat some sense into her but that probably wouldnt work out in my best interest. so i am civil and polite i treat her son as my own and at the rate she is going i wouldnt be suprised if he ended up being mine. my husband supports what ever desicion i make about the kids mine or his my daughter is 5 and a polite well behaved child and she loves dh and respects him. thank god dh decided to follow my direction on parenting since i have the experience he doesnt. little bit of back ground. bm cheated on dh they broke up. they both got drunk at a mutual friends party and ss was on the way. dh and i were just friends at the time and got together shortly after. so i have been around since concepton of ss in an odd way i think its probably beneficial to our parenting and relationship since he has known me since birth
I wish you were my SKs mother
I wish you were my SKs mother their mother is a racist witch from hell.....I will never understand her hate for me. She told my boyfriend once to tell me that she is sorry for being so mean and that the reason why she was so mean to me is because she was jealous of how much the kids loved me. But nothing has changed its almost like she just fed him a bunch of BS....I would love to make things simple with her. I mean being able to call her and ask her how the kids are and their behavior so that punishment can continue over at our house or her even help me understand the boys but that will never happen I mean I am 32 years old with my bachelors in Science I've been a registered nurse since 2002 and am back in college to get my masters I grew up in a good home and she just hates me. I have never been disrespectful even when she told me to my face that I will never be there mom. I just took it for the boys sake. I just wish she understood that I am not trying to replace her I would never do that...
Re: the snake. As a (step)
Re: the snake.
As a (step) parent I reserve the right to give adult children unasked for advise once.
What they do with it is up to them.
I told them just that and that I would not repeat it unless they asked for more details. They accept my advise calmly knowing that I'm not going to harp on them.
If this guy is using her she needs to have that pointed out to her.
As the BM on the side of step
As the BM on the side of step parent and the Sm on the other; I have chosen your road to enjoy the ride and see where it takes us. My only problem is that my ex has only wanted to act on his custodial rights since his marriage last October. So I have to handle the up he-val that he is putting my son through. I am polite and have zero resentment for his wife. my son says she is nice to him and for me that's enough.
you have emotionally matured
you have emotionally matured as an adult. she is a child. i am not a BM but i deal with a BM that is similar to yours. it's nuts and in the end it only hurts the kids. it irritates the fire out of me and pisses me off, but it emotionally scars them.
I too am a BM and a SM. I
I too am a BM and a SM. I try very hard, even though I really don't like the SM, to be civil to her. Most of the time we are fine with each other, will chat, etc. Every once in a while we have a fallout, but not in view or earshot of DD, so she has no idea it has happened. I insist to DD and ExBD that DD is expected to respect SM and be nice to her. She seems to treat DD very nicely, and I appreciate that. Whenever DD comes home from their house I always ask if she had a good time. When she says yes I say "That's great, I'm glad". When she does complain about her Step Siblings I always try to make her see the other side, without trivializing her feelings. I definitely try not to exascerbate the situation! I wish other people were mature enough to be the same way. We had a blowout several years ago because she couldn't understand why I was calling exH a little more frequently than usual...because our Daughter was getting ready to start Kindergarten and we had to arrange daycare, etc. I was calling him more often because, as something would come up I would call him to make sure it would work for both of us, discuss, problem solve, etc. She actually accused me of wanting him back!! She would be a bitch on the phone whenver I called and she answered, and her oldest son would not pass on messages when I called. Finally I had had enough and called her one day. I basically told her that just because both of her kids were the result of one night stands and their fathers didn't have anything to do with them, it doesn't mean that my daughter's dad wasn't going to have anything to do with her. He and I, when we divorced, we very clear on how we wanted to parent our child, together but apart. I also asked her that if it was too much trouble for she and her kids to answer the phone and be civil to me when I called to let the machine pick up. I told her I wasn't calling to talk to her so there was no need for her to answer if it was that much of a hassle. After that things did get better. Now we're having problems because exH is stepping back and allowing her to take over things, as far as communicating with me, etc., which I don't like. She's not the bio parent of my child, he is, and if anyone should be making arrangements with me it is him, not her.