Why are they back in our lives!!! I hate the disruption...
SM of officially 6. (2 are adults and not of consequence as their BM is Normal)
DH's ex-wife - BM of 4 - 3 girls , 1 boy....
SS - lives with DH and I. He is 19 with a learning disability. BM walked out on him 7 years ago and took his 3 sisters with her. Very little to no contact for the past 4 years. SS is "too stupid to be part of her gene pool" is what BM said to her son. Been with DH for 7.5 years now. For the years that we had no contact with "them", life got easy and into a rhythm. In February 2013, they came back into the picture. The oldest SD hates her father. The youngest SD has very little memory of her father and the 2nd youngest SD hates me and worships the ground her father walks on. So after 42 times in court with BM (always for more money), now she is trying very hard to "Make Up" to her son for her abandonment. He is "my mommy this and my mommy that" all the time and I am resentful of that. I know it's wrong. I know, but can't help feeling hurt and rejected and mad as heck for being treated like I don't belong in my own home. I wish they would of stayed away! Life was easier then. I missed the SD's and I know my DH did very much. I went through the depression with him and SS and the adjustment phase of not having any contact withthem for over 4 years (she moved them away). As much as enjoy the SD's I hate the fact they are back. Now I have issues with SS and DH is off again! BM can't do anything wrong in SS's eyes and as he put it yesterday... "my mom wants me, she bought me shoes" I lost it.... I know, wrong, I know, but she bough him shoes, after rejecting him, missing 6 years of B-day's, Christmas's, Easters, Thanksgivings, etc.... The hell she put us through financially, emotionally and the stress she caused... but mommy can't do anything wrong. Well I wish mommy would drop off the face of the earth and leave MY makeshift family alone. We were doing great. Now we are falling apart.
Wrote this today....
What Am I
Am I sad?
Am I disappointed?
Am I mad?
Am I hurt?
Yes I Am!
I am all that and so much more!
Am I jealous? Yes a little
For 7 years, it’s been me
She abandoned you that long ago
Guilt has brought her back
And I am nothing once more
You forget the hurt she caused
Her evil ways and head games
In 7 years she bought you shoes
Such a wonderful mother
She kept your siblings away from you
She was ashamed of you
Her lie cast your dad in jail
False truths told in court
To her we had to pay
No money to help raise you
You’re a man now
You made your choice
You chose your mother
After all she’s done!
Yesterday I lost my son
For she has won
Leave me be
Let me grieve
I am so sorry. It's
I am so sorry. It's disgusting how she's behaved and it's sad and frustrating that your SS is content to allow her to behave that way. It sucks to feel like you've been disregarded for her, awful, selfish, horrible her. How delayed is your SS? Can you talk to him? Can you tell him you're worried about him because you saw what she did to him before and you're worried she may hurt him again?
My heart breaks for you. So
My heart breaks for you.
So many times, kids always "choose," show loyalty, etc. to their mothers, no matter how horrible those mothers may be. The only way for these kids to see the light is to come to their own conclusions. No matter what, THEY have to decide how they feel, even though we always cannot understand it. I have worked with a lot of kids, and although some of their moms were not good people, these kids were fiercely loyal and devoted to these women. A lot of times, I think they are always looking for an approval and/or love that they don't feel, or don't completely feel...it is so sad.
With your SS having a disability, he may never fully understand what his mom did. All he knows is that his mom is "back," and she bought him shoes! She may have well hung the moon. He feels like he won the lottery right now.
My husband's kids are ages 19-23. Their mother is a nasty, immoral, unethical, lazy person who only cares about herself. All 3 of them are exactly like her, and even though they have seen some of the awful things she has done, they always defend her, and side with her. She has caused so many problems, but in their eyes, she is wonderful.
I don't think there is much you can do, but allowing yourself to grieve is a good thing. And you need to protect your heart as much as you can.
Thank you. I'm crying now !
Thank you. I'm crying now ! Lol. So true. So true!
Thank you!!! Thank you!!!! I
Thank you!!! Thank you!!!! I guess I needed that confirmation from someone else! I tried to talk to him last night. He says he remembers and understands. But " she is my mom and I miss her and my sisters" I get that. DH and I miss the girls horribly. The girls all wanted to live here four years ago. That is why she had DH falsely arrested on SS 15 birthday. She accused him of kidnapping the two youngest ( we were at dinner and movies with all his friends) and she knew that. Then the police said they couldn't do anything so when he dropped off the girls at a donut shop that evening. She called the police and said he hit her. They arrested him on SS birthday. He was with DH and I had to pick him up from the police station. She didn't even wish him a happy birthday. So the next day the police got copy of the survillence take and oops she lied! DH spent night in jail and still had 2 years probation for wagging a finger at her. DH lost 2 houses to her and her team of lawyers. He lost custody of his girls and now she's back for more. We pay her over $2,000 a month for support. Including for 1 that is past post secondary. She keeps telling the courts that she is still in school. And is yet to produce any proof for post secondary schooling for the oldest SD. The courts just keep falling for her lies and because we pay her so much money we can't afford a lawyer but she can so we keep loosing. The one judge even went as far as to deny us the fact that SS has a disability. She (the female judge) refused to accept that into evidence - reports and assessments from doctors, school, psychologists etc. so she granted BM additional child support for the three girls and refused us all the money we put out on SS for his educaion, specialized equipment, specialized programs and sports activities.
I think my frustrations have mounted so high with this whole issue that I just want to walk away! I have read in so many posts. His kid not mine, but how do you remove yourself from a child you raised for 7 years now. ?