He's not Your Daddy

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So my SO and I have been dating about a year now and are making plans on moving in together. I have two daughter's, ages 14 and 7. Their father, my ex, is involved in their lives.

I've been under the weather the past couple of days so last night my SO brought dinner over for me and the girls so I wouldn't have to cook. After dinner SO and I are sitting on the couch watching TV and BD7 comes and snuggles up between us. She looks at me and goes "mommy" and then looks at SO and says "daddy". I said "No, mommy and (SO's name)" she says "mommy and daddy". We both said Noooo, mommy and (SO's name)" she said "but we are going to be living together and when you live together you are family. So you (to SO) are going to be my daddy"
I said "No, you have a daddy already" BD7 said, "Well, you can have two daddies." At this point I didn't know what to say. I know some kids say they have two daddies but that's not what me and my SO agreed to.

For some reason, my bio thinks if you don't live together you aren't family. When I divorced her dad and we moved out, she told me that her dad wasn't her father anymore because he didn't live with us. I told her he was still her father no matter what.

I don't know how hard I should push this, or how to explain to her. She's seven so I don't know if she's still too young to understand or what's going on. Help! Any advice on how to handle this? My SO is cool with my kids, but I don't want him thinking I'm trying to make him into a dad for my kids. Plus, I'm sure my ex would not appreciate that either.

I would just continue to

I would just continue to reiterate to her that her father is her father and SO is your SO whenever she brings it up. Seems to me like this little girl desperately wants a father that LIVES with her so she's saying her Bio dad isn't dad anymore and is saying "daddy" to your SO since he's there with you.

How's the 14 yr old reacting?

I gotcha. The broken record

I gotcha. The broken record trick.

The 14 year old is I guess your typical teen. Into her kindle and YouTube. She engages us in conversation appropriate to her age. She doesn't get too comfy with my SO, which is normal for her. She's not a touchy-feely-boy-crazy type of girl. She likes my SO well enough, but she doesn't have a girl crush on him or anything inappropriate like that.

She's looking forward to moving into a nice big home.

With kids that age, they ask

With kids that age, they ask the same thing over and over and if you keep giving them the same answer every time, eventually they'll get it (or so you hope anyway).

Glad the 14 yr old is doing well. My SD14 is a nightmare. But we won't go into that.

Anyhow, I also noticed that your 7 yr old snuggled in BETWEEN you and your SO when she started the laying "claim" business of you being mommy and he being "daddy"...unless your SO is perfectly fine with her interaction that way, I'd limit her getting in between you. It may seem innocent now (and very well could be) but if she gets it in her head to become possessive over you whenever SO is around, it can cause a shit ton of problems later on.

Just my experience from having to deal with SD who would grab her father's hand, fingers interlaced and say "MY DADDDY" no matter where we were. She was 12! It just got worse and worse whenever I was around, she'd fling herself onto him, drape herself over him and just LAY on him constantly. She was super jealous of any attention or affection he showed me and DEMANDED him to stop. It almost ruined our relationship.

I know what you're saying,

I know what you're saying, but it was more like snuggling up to both of us. It wasn't like she was trying to push me away from him, or vise versa.

Yeah, the 14 year old is doing good. My SO's friends and family tell me that SO always compliments me on how well behaved my girls are. In fact, SO's dad told me I've done a good job with them, that meant a lot.

Good deal then. Sounds like

Good deal then. Sounds like you have the makings of a successful blended family

Oh No! If I have a sucessful

Oh No! If I have a sucessful blended family - does that mean I can't post on here anymore then?

HA! You're always welcome

HA! You're always welcome here! Hell, I haven't had to directly deal with stepdevil14 for months now but I'm still here!

I like the idea of explaining

I like the idea of explaining grandparents don't live with you but are still family. Thanks Cheri!

You could always do what my

You could always do what my FDH & I did...we had the SKids pick a name for me that isn't my first name but isn't MOM either. We have them FT & they see their BM once a year (for 1-2 weeks). SD was wanting to call me mom & I was uncomfortable with it.

FDH & I told them that while I love them & care for them, they already have a mom. I am STEP mom. We told them that they could come up with a name for me that would be JUST ours. In fact, my exact words were "As long as it isn't an ugly name, you can come up with a special word that you & only you can call me."

They came up with "Mumsy"...yeah...not my favorite, but it's what they picked.

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