Disrespectful Step Son. I'm new to the site and don't know where to start.
Forums:
Such a long story but I have a question for all.
Does anybody here have a step child that disrespects you. Then he/she tells you and your partner that they mentally don't know how to "function" (basically saying they mentally can't help disrespecting you) ? And your partner believes this excuse. This disrespect only happens when my step son is being disciplined, not all of the time.
I have an unbelievable story that I think I'm ready to tell but its really long. But I don't want my story in the public, is there anything more private here? Thanks. 
I also would like to clarify
I also would like to clarify that my partner believes what my step son says and believes that he needs professional help. I told her maybe its because I am the step father and he just don't respect me? She strongly disagrees..
I also have a disrespectful
I also have a disrespectful sd and my dh also makes excuses for her bad behavior. When I finally spoke up I was accused of not liking his daughter.
Unfortunately, though part of
Unfortunately, though part of the issue lies with your stepson, the majority of the issues lie with your partner. She is ALLOWING him to disrespect you by not only NOT correcting his behavior, but by believing his excuses. Plain and simple. In order for him to respect you, you partner needs to expect it from him regardless of what he says.
If she doesn't (more like is too afraid to), then disengage, don't be involved in any discipline, and he won't disrespect you then. The child is growing up to learn he can manipulate adults and others with a well positioned speech, let him know you don't buy his bullshit but that it's not your problem and ignore him. There is a lot of collateral damage if he grows up being allowed to do what he wants, limit yourself from being part of it.
She used to try to correct
She used to try to correct his behavior but now that he has brought up that he can't mentally do it, she has taken a complete 360 degree turn. Before he was a teen, his excuse was that he was afraid that I would leave like his dad but that one doesn't work anymore since I've been around for 9 years now. And I agree.
Yes! It makes my .
Yes! It makes my :jawdrop: .
My SS13 says it all the time.
My SS13 says it all the time. Almost all of his excuses for his b.s. behavior is "I can't think like other people!" He has ADHD and is medicated, but LOVES to play dumb for attention even when not getting into trouble. LOVES it. His excuse for getting into a fight recently at school was "I hit him because I was confused." Luckily, husband really doesn't buy it.
wow really ?? Sounds very
wow really ?? Sounds very similar. My wife didn't buy into it either when SS was 13. There has been a change recently for whatever reason.
Ok This is how this went
Ok This is how this went down. He came in our room to discuss his actions that I didn't like (taking something out of my office) and said that he needs help that he can't control himself when told not to do something. I said huh? We both looked at my wife. She looked at me and said "well hes asking you for help". Talking about putting me on the spot and talking about not knowing what the hell to say or do. If saying "stop disrespecting me" isn't gonna work then I said I guess we'll seek professional help. Hell I dunno. This strange behavior only occurs when discipline is in effect. Typicaly the excuse was that he is afraid that I'm going to leave like his dad did. Which if you notice both excusses or issues point to me and totally redirects the attention from him and points to me. :?
My DH is a master of
My DH is a master of projection! and skid is learning very fast as well. It is a MAJOR manipulation tactic and they damn well know what they are doing. They cannot face their own emotions/issues/shortcomings/mistakes, so they are desperate to get all the focus on anyone but themselves. People with BPD and NPD do this big time. DH is one for sure and possibly the other.
wow really. Thanks for the
wow really. Thanks for the info! I wish I would of found this site years ago!
That lead me to purchase some
That lead me to purchase some big DVD program.. HA won't happen. Not gonna explain that purchase to the wife.
Insted we will just spend
Insted we will just spend thousands on "professional help" .. HA lmao
The person with a mental
The person with a mental disability is your partner who is believing that crap. mental midget.
(No subject)
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I'm new to this site as well
I'm new to this site as well and my story is so very long but I can totally relate. I have a stepson who has his dad so blinded that I am seriously thinking about moving out of our house and going to stay with a friend. I am sick and tired of being portrayed as the horrible person that I am not. My husband blames me for 95% of the problems and the son, maybe 5%. I don't know what to do anymore. It goes way beyond disrespecting me. He makes up lies about me, lies to my face, has gone through my stuff, taken my stuff, etc. But according to my husband, it's not stealing if it was in the house.
Same here Terri54. I am new
Same here Terri54. I am new here also, and google led me to this site because I literally typed in my SS is ruining my marriage. My DH is in total denial that there are major issues with his son. He knows deep down, but instead of dealing with them, he just gets defensive and mad at me. I disengaged as best as I can months ago, so the direct contact is not as severe, but the trauma that I have been thru already, the way my DH has treated me and has allowed skid to treat me, I have so much resentment and anger and want to get through it but it is so hard when your own husband doesn't believe you, doesn't respect you, doesn't defend you, and always puts this little manipulator first no matter what.
Everything you just said is
Everything you just said is almost word for word what I told my husband yesterday. Over the last few months, he's told me that he was going to send his son to live somewhere else. At first, I was thrilled. Until I realized that he was only doing it for me and I knew that he would resent me in the long wrong. So, I stopped it. But yesterday, I realized that he wanted to send his son away more to protect his son than me. And I didn't realize until yesterday how resentful I was that he's never had my back on anything when it comes to his son. I've tried being disengaged but when i hear my name being run through the mud, I want to know what is being said about me. It's not like I'm given the chance to tell "my side" because how is that important? I'm glad I found this site tonight. I finally feel like I"m not alone because most of the time, I feel alone in my own house.
That has been the biggest
That has been the biggest revelation for me since I started coming here, that Oh my God, I am not the ONLY one!!!! I have spent too long letting all these idiots that I am surrounded by (DH and inlaws) make me question my own self to the point where there were times I thought it was me. It isn't. The best way I described it the other day is I feel like I live in a never ending episode of the twilight zone, where everyone else is bat shit crazy and I am the only one that knows something is wrong and they all think I am the one that is nuts.
Exactly!!!! I'm looked at
Exactly!!!! I'm looked at like I'm the one who is nuts. Over the last year, the in-laws have gotten wind of all the bs and when I see them, I get lectured about how discipline without love just doesn't work. I used to say something and try to defend myself but I just nod and agree now. It's not worth it. They will never understand. I just don't know what to do anymore.