If this "normal:
Is it "normal" for a bio dad of two adult sons (ages 21 and 20) to have to be in CONSTANT communication with them. My husband is consumed with knowing where his two kids are ALL day long (calling them every hour). An example is the last thing he does every night before he comes to bed is call them to ask what they are doing and to say good night to them and then he says "call me as SOON as you wake up in the morning". His two kids come over every single day and "hang out". Both boys have gf's who both go school and wait tables so the gf's are busy and gone a lot. There is not one day/night of a week where they are not over hanging out. Even when my husband and I go out to dinner, there is never one dinner where he is either not calling them or his cell phone is not ringing. Whenever I bring up the subject I'm the bad guy who is "trying to keep him from his kids". There is not one day that goes by with my husband and I not having to have conversations about his kids and whey they are doing, where they are going, what their problems are, what their gf's have just bought them, etc.
Holy hell cut the damn apron
Holy hell cut the damn apron strings already daddy! Shit
Ouch - that need for constant
Ouch - that need for constant contact does sound absurd. Did something tragic happen to their mother?
While my H has a bit of a hard time cutting the conceptual umbilical chord, I have to prod him to occasionally ask my SSs (early 20s - live with us) what they are up to - re work, school, car repairs, that sort of thing. He doesn't want them to feel like he is in their face.
Not normal. I have adult
Not normal.
I have adult children and when they left for college at 17 and 18, it was very hard but I did not expect to talk to them everyday.
BM of SSstb18 calls him multiple times a day every day. She did this when he lived with us 13-17yo (I thought that was the reason).
BM would call every morning (to make sure he was up), at lunch if not at school, after school (to make sure he made it home), evening (6pm, to make sure he was with us) and before bed (10pm, to tell him good night).
If SS does not answer his cell phone she would/will call us to see if we know where he is.
She does it now that he lives with her. Except the morning and before bed calls I guess.
Multiple times per day everyday. Weird. just weird.
Absolutely not normal. More
Absolutely not normal. More like co-dependent and dysfunctional. And creepy.
I would agree abnormal. I
I would agree abnormal. I was already married at 21. My parents lived 5 minutes away and I saw them once a week when we had Sunday dinner together. maybe an additional phone call at some point if one of us had something specific to ask the other.
Now, I know some may think
Now, I know some may think I'm a "crazy BioMom", but... I have two kids. My son is 21, my daughter is 18 (19 in less than a month). Both are away in college.
When they are home? Yes, we all kind of know where everyone else is, as we try to plan stuff together when we're all free. But when they are at school? No. I avoid calling them, in fact, unless it is something really important. Otherwise? I sit back and let them call/text when they want to. My daughter calls almost daily during the week. I think mostly because she feels more comfortable walking across campus at night with "company". She doesn't admit it, and I don't out her. My son? Will shoot a text a couple of times a week, call maybe one a week or every other. And that's fine.
I would never call them that frequently, or expect them to call me. They're adults, and they need to learn to make their own way. OP - your husband needs to cut those strings.
WOW! That's a lot of talking!
WOW! That's a lot of talking! I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a dinner alone with your DH - without the kids. Since you're not having luck with DH, try the Skids. "Don't you have anything better to do that hang out with us old folks? What is that beautiful girlfriend of yours up to?" Kids 20 and 21 years old, should start to pull away from their parents as they get older and get their lives get busier.
It's hard to put a finger on
It's hard to put a finger on why this is happening but its clearly abnormal.
But what are YOU to do about it? It would be difficult at best to ignore this behavior which interferes and takes priority over everything.
The best I can offer is to offer to go with him to counseling. Most likely he'll refuse so you go alone. After a few sessions the counseler can invite him directly and hopefully he'll respond to a professional stranger when he won't respond to you. (What does a wife know after all)? Hint that the counseler is helping you prepare for a singles life. If he's not going after your third session or so I'd give it up.
Unless he accepts that he has a problem nothing is going to work. Normal children would have blocked the old mans phone number by now I would think so obviously they're co-dependent in their needs.
Weird.