Am I crazy ??? or .....
So, My Fiance had moved out 6 months ago to be close to his daughters. Back then, My life revolved around him. He is very jealous and controllong man. I didn't talk to or hung out with family and friends. Now that he moved out, I have made some friends and have been hanging out with them. I even met a guy who fancied me but I quickly disolved it becasue I wanted to give my relationship with my fiance a chance. My Fiance saw that He could loose me becasue he moved out simplayy becasuse his daughters wanted him to and has been trying harder to work on the relationship.
The only problem is that he doesn't want me hanging out or going out with my firends especially on the weekends when he is with his daughters. Sometime, I am afreid to even tell him or talk to him about it as I think he would freak out and make my lefie hell.
So, This weekened he was supposed to be with his daugter but he decided to spend Friday abd Satuday in with me and my kids. I was sick and he said that he wanted to take care of me which he did. I had plans with my girlfriend and her kids andmy kids and I cancelled those.
On Sunday, He decided to spend time the SDs and take them to his Mom's house for the day. I usually don't know if he would come back to my house or stay in the apartment after he fdrops them. I made dinner plan with my girlfriend and her kids. My Kids really wanted to see them so I did. He decides to come to my house after he dropped thhe girls to the BM. I wasn't home and I didn't tell him that I was out with her. He was texting me and callling me and I didn't pick up becasue I knew the minuteI would,Hewould make my life hell. And he did. He was sitting in his Car when I reached home with my kids. I as mad because I am tired of it him telling me what to do. He doesn't like my girlfriend becasue she is single with kids and likes to go out. So to make me upset, He went in to my house, took all the jwealary that he gave me for birthday and christmas all of my sexy clothes (ALL of them ) and left. This is not the first time he has done that. He has hidden all my sexy clother wich I consider to be normal clothes becasue he thinks that Some guys will steal me away from him. I have tried to address his inseutiries and have told him that I only want him. He said he will work on this issue and wont take any thing again. BUT, He did it. He took everything. I am so sick of it and so Mad about it. Who does that? Do I have to hide my stuff in my own house? I was relieved when he left and I thought that he would change. Am I doing something wrong? Should I not go out with my friends to a dinner with my kids? Just one thing you should know, I went out with her for 2 days 6 months ago to a beach becasue he had abandoined me and left me to be with the step daugters for days. I was alone and desprete to be with friends. So She and I spent two days and had heart to heart girl talk. We also met many people but I did n't cheat on him. He had seen picture of me and her with some guys on Facebook and was upset. That is one of the reason he doesn't like her. I didn't do anythig though. I really truly wanted to work it with him but I am so angry and frustrated.
Ok, after being with a
Ok, after being with a jealous, controlling man for the better part of 8 yrs and losing EVERYTHING (including custody of my only daughter) because of him - I say get rid of him now. He's never going to change and if anything, he'll just get worse.
It'll get to the point where the only other person that exists in your life is HIM and that's the way he wants it. Therefore he's got you right where he wants you with NO threats of you leaving him.
I'm telling you now, as someone who lived the nightmare and was able to finally break free (after a HUGE cost financially and emotionally), get out now.
HE WILL NEVER CHANGE. PERIOD.
Sweetie, I think you know
Sweetie, I think you know deep down, that there is no future with this man. Not only is he jealous and controlling, he is emotionally abusive to you. Cutting a woman off from her friends or family is the first step in getting her totally isolated and dependent on him. Trying to control what clothes you wear, etc is similarly abusive.
Added to this the fact that he has problematic relations with kids - really - you should put this one down to experience and find a proper man who is not threatened by you having innocent friendships with girlfriends, or wearing sexy clothes.
I can tell that maybe a part of you is still flattered by his extreme reactions to things that have gone on - but honestly - don't be - these are not demonstrations of love. They are indications that he is a psycho in the making.
Kes, You have said some deep
Kes, You have said some deep things here. especially the part about being "still flattered by his extreme reactions" I know what you are saying but can you explain more?
he has some boundry issues!
:O he has some boundry issues! Im so sorry that you are going through this! He has no right to go into your house without your permission, he has no right to go through your things, he has no right taking your things and he has no right telling you who you can talk to or hang out with. he is a control freak and in my experience this doesnt end well, it will only escalate into more than mentally abusive relationship.
He wants to do what he wanmts when the skids aloow him in their company and he wants you waiting on the sideline at his beck and call. That is not fair and that is not right. If you have plans then he should keep to them, if not then you go do your own thing.
Is he going to a counsellor for his issues? It seems like he knows that you are too good for him and therefor scared of you leaving but instead of trying to woo you back and show you that he is there for you in a stable relationship, he acts like Mc Crazy!
Take the good advice of the
Take the good advice of the previous posters. And I would also suggest getting your locks changed. Consider contacting the police. I f this man took the liberty of entering your home uninvited and removing any belonging of yours, then file charges.
Yes, He seems to be scared to
Yes, He seems to be scared to loose me. He threw on my face that he was home the etire weekend takeing care of me and my kids yet I decided to go out for dinner. He is controlling and metally abusive but I don't understand, How he can be with me like this and he is a little sissy infront of BM and SKIDS. I have gotten mad and rebled many times and becomes obsessive and contantly txts me and everything else. He gets scared when he sees other guys may like me and constantly tryies to pay attention to me. I feel that he is giving me attention and I thought that was love. I guess not. I want to get out of so badly. I told him to get out of my house and he did last night. Today I feel like reaching out to him and try to explain to hin AGAIN that he shouldn't feel like this and I am not doing anythig wrong...... It is a Visious cycle and I need to find out how to get rid of this. I truly like beiug with him when we are alone. He does let me make all the decions regarging what we want to do on weekends and everything else. It is just this jelousy and insecurity that is driving me insane. I guess , I never learned what love is supposed to be. I am 10 years younger then him, career women with 2 beautiful boys. I am more sucessful at my Job then him and I don't think I am a bad looking women yet I chose him and trying to change him to be secure so that we can have a sucessful relationship. I am not winning. He is not seeing a therapist but do you think that would help him
No amount of therapy is going
No amount of therapy is going to change this man.
I'm serious - never been so serious in my life - GET AWAY FROM HIM.
Today, he txted me and told
Today, he txted me and told me that i was heartless. He took care of me al weekend and why did I go with my girlfriend and her kids . My boys truly enjoyes the evening. After all day if Text banter, He send me a text saying, I know you still love me ???? WTF, I have my doors locked and chains and chairs to insure he can't get in. He hasn't tried in the past untill last night when he stole all my clothes and jwealry. I told him to F himself and he hasn't responded and is probably doing whatever in his apartment near the SDs. I feel so disguseted by his behaviour and so disgusted by my behaviour that I let this happen. I let him take the best of me. I have enjoyed peaseful night with my boys. I am tired of jerks like him
That is the only advise I am
That is the only advise I am getting so That is what I must aim for. Thanks you all
If you find it hard to leave
If you find it hard to leave him for yourself.....leave him for your boys. You doc not want them to grow up thinking that this is how to teach women.
This is emotional abuse, plain and simple.
Women found murdered in their
Women found murdered in their own home are rarely killed by strangers but by exactly the type of man you describe. Sometimes the womens children suffer the same fate.
Frankly only a desperate woman would chance her and her childrens lives to be with a man.
You can sit down and make a list of all the things that can kill you violently in the world, hit by lightning, falling aircraft (in or out of the machine itself), car crashes or hit in a crosswalk, savage animals.
At the top of that list is your fiance.
Wow, Do you really think he
Wow, Do you really think he can kill me? That is really scaring me as the thought has crossed my mind. He doesn't have history of abuuse with his Ex or his kids. But this is pretty scary
Hello AvaKoop Take heed of
Hello AvaKoop
Take heed of the good advice above.
Just take a minute to step back - you have a child, a good & successful career, very good friends and a whole world out there to see and conquer.
Take it from someone who has been in your shoes - married to a controlling, jealous and unpredictable man.
I am so sorry to say it won't be long before he turns violent and physically abusive to keep you under - he will destroy you and your self esteem / confidence until you are totally reliant on him.
A kind and caring man would support you, cherish you and tell you to go for your dreams with him by your side cheering you all the way.
Please think carefully - life is too short - remember you only live once.
Its his problem / his insecurities / his issues let him drown in them and be miserable and alone.
Take care of you and your son and go conquer the world -
YOU deserve this......... x
AvaKoop you really need to
AvaKoop you really need to take people's advice on here as alot of it is from personal experiences,sadly all bad.your second post just goes to show even more reasons for his jealousy and things that could enrage him and he may try to shut you down on.your career,your family life!you sound like you have a brilliant life and you don't need someone like him in it.im not saying he will kill you but regardless of his past, some poor woman has to be the first to experience his abuse.and you my dear are being mentally and emotionally abused.its a horrible thing to go trough but you need to for your boys and more importantly yourself.change your locks,contact the police to have on file everything hes done and the texts,because if hit does hit the fan then you have previous evidence to convict him,this is something that I never done then when my 'boyfriend' did attack me,I couldn't do anything,I was 18 and the abuse he put me trough I never wish on anyone,but he was doing everything you have described your SO as doing.
If you separate from him and he gets help then see how you feel but please do not continue along this path with him.You are a strong,loving woman NOT a object for him to control
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