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I talked about divorce and DH broke down

Ashleystepmom's picture

Submitted by Ashleystepmom on Thu, 01/31/2013 - 10:51am

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well, this is it. I want out. I have some money saved up and it will be enough for my son and I to have a good life for the next 10 years or so. I also have a good job which I enjoy. I figured out that i don't need A man to make me happy, especially a man with a overbearing mother whom he perhaps will never cut apron string from.

It is tough to say goodbye to step daughter 7. I did not and still do not blame the kid. Overall, she is a good kid. But I am slowly developing annoying feelings toward her. I just kept my emotions in check.

I sat DH down told him how unhappy I was. He sat there had a melt down. He basically told me he loves my son and me dearly and we are his true family. He never thought things are this bad. He said he would do everything he could to keep his mother at safe distance and he would learn to balance his emotions between his daughter and my son and I.

No, it is not good enough. I have given him many many chances. He was good for 2 weeks then very soon going back to his old ways. I need some result. I told him my feeling towards him has changed. I have lost quite a great deal of respect towards him. I am no longer the woman I used to be. I've seen the light.

Tough emotional day for both of us, and we will have another conversation tonight. But I never thought how resillient and strong I truely am. I will become a single mother should I have a divorce. But you know what? I rather be a single mother than being an unhappy miserable step mother.

Anne Boleyn's picture

Submitted by Anne Boleyn on Thu, 01/31/2013 - 12:21pm

I was a single mom from Day 1- year 22. I loved having the freedom to make decisions on my own. But it is hard not to have help and one income. (I also never had CS). Managed to do fine though. Sometimes,I now miss being able to make a decision without asking for FDH's opinion. And definitely hard for me to learn to compromise.

young_stepmomma25's picture

Submitted by young_stepmomma25 on Thu, 01/31/2013 - 11:01am

*slowly claps* I so want to give you a hug and tell you that if you feel that this a good decision and you're content with the solution than I am happy for you. While I don't know your whole situation (newbie Smile ) I'm sure you're making a good choice if you stated you were miserable. ::hugs::

HarleyQuinn's picture

Submitted by HarleyQuinn on Thu, 01/31/2013 - 11:01am

:O Wow! firstly I am so sorry for you that its got to that point. But secondly a bigger well done for putting yourself and your child first. I wish you all the luck. I too am going through a tough time and am 80% out, luckily no kids of my own, even though I want one so badly, I just don't think hes the right person to be the father to my child because of the skids situation accounting for alot of my doubt.

Its hard when they say they will try, looking in your eye nd seeing your pain and then how quickly they forget and go back to 'normal' Sad Thing is they can fight and fight for their so special kids but they can't fight one bit for their marraige. Sad.

Let us know how you get on, but you are a very strong person as all women are.
''I rather be a single mother than being an unhappy miserable step mother.'' THIS is spot on!!
HUGS

RedWingsFan's picture

Submitted by RedWingsFan on Thu, 01/31/2013 - 11:04am

I'm so very sorry that it came to this. I do hope that you find yourself happier in the long run! Smile

oldone's picture

Submitted by oldone on Thu, 01/31/2013 - 11:14am

I'm sorry it didn't work out.

But isn'tit freeing to know this is a choice you can make. So many women seem to think they cannot live without a man.

DH's 2nd wife has not been unattached for more than 5 minutes in the past 30 years (4 marriages). Always had the next hubs lined up before the last divorce was final. And ended up back with hubby #1 who is a total ass.

Starla's picture

Submitted by Starla on Thu, 01/31/2013 - 11:25am

That is great how strong you are and I'm sorry your having to go through it. I went through it to with my first DH and it got better after our divorce. When one door closes, another opens up. Best wishes to you all!!!

Considering Cohabitation's picture

Submitted by Considering Coh... on Thu, 01/31/2013 - 11:27am

You're being so smart. You've been fair and given him a couple of chances to make the desired changes but now that he's proven he can't maintain the changes, you're doing what's right for YOU and your child. You should feel very empowered. Good for you!

christinen's picture

Submitted by christinen on Thu, 01/31/2013 - 12:51pm

I am sorry it had to come to you leaving your marriage, but I am happy for you for having the courage to do what you know is right. If you know DH is not the one for you, there is no reason to stay. I am going through something similar with my DH- so much baggage and drama and I know this isn’t the way I should be living, but every time I talk to DH and tell him how unhappy I am, he promises things and then never follows through with them. I believe the time will come when I am just done- looks like that is where you are. Best of luck to you!!

Ashleystepmom's picture

Submitted by Ashleystepmom on Thu, 01/31/2013 - 7:02pm

Thank you all for your kind words. I will keep you posted and let you know what I will do in the next couple of days.

seesaw208's picture

Submitted by seesaw208 on Fri, 02/01/2013 - 9:54pm

I am so proud of you. I hope I have your courage when my time comes. Please stay in touch and let us know how you are doing.