LOL If I had received a letter like that from BM, DH would have called her and told her to leave me alone.

I'd still be laughing to this day.

I would have wondered what meds BM was on. It Seems like a really nice letter in some ways, but at the same time, holy cow the MotherLoad of expectation put on the poor SM! That SM will absolutely love the kid is given in the letter. That she has 'pledged' to love the child and to parent the child assumed. Which I have to say, I find kind of presumptuous and a bit high handed. I took marriage vows, which at least in the set I took, didn't include anything about loving, honoring or cherishing anyone other than my husband. I guess depending on the BM it's coming from, it could pretty passive aggressive. BM Telling the SM how she will/should feel and behave about this 'new family'.

This letter and it's sentiments are predicated upon the child being a normal child. It also makes no mention of the additional children to come and it ends with 'welcoming' the new stepmother to their unique family.

Call me a bitch but the mother doesn't have the right to 'welcome' the stepmother to anything. The ex-wife is exactly that - ex.

The sentiments expressed in the letter are all about HER daughter. I"m not against that. I'm just calling a spade a spade.

She isn't writing the letter to help the stepmother. She is writing the letter to try and ensure her own daughter is kept in the spotlight.

Not saying it's wrong. Just saying what it really is.

That wouldn't come in my mind , neither way.My kids are my kids, their step mom can be their friend if she chooses to.My step daughter can choose me as her friend, auntie whatever, but I wouldn't see my role as significant as her moms role at all..Let the mum's be the mothers and us step parents alone- lol- for god's sake- demanding the step mother not to love "their little girl" half hearted- what an arrogance.Hard enough to even like your step kids, but being pushed into having to love them just because I marry their dad is ridiculous and none of BM's business.Our kids (birth and step) have two loving parents and all I expect from myself and my SO is to stay friendly and nice around them plus treating everyone equally -same rules , same gifts, etc- though this doesn't apply to love.You can't force love.But you can choose to try to like and /or accept- this is already a great achievement in stepparents world!

When you agreed to marry her father, you took on a responsibility to parent our daughter. You pledged to love her.

Hell to the no. I did no such thing.

Keep your crotch dropping.

I just threw up in my mouth :barf: I think it's fiction. My DH's BM was such a jealous, amoral, domimeering, manipulative, insecure, pathologically dishonest/lying wack job that she was incapable of looking out for the best interests of her only child. It was always all about her and her feelings and her desire to dominate, control and hurt other people. She looked upon her only child as a possession and a weapon (and spy). Then as SD got older, BM looked upon her as a rival. Very ugly. She was the classic malignant narcissist PASing parent. Aided and abetted by her nutjob second husband. They thought they were so cool. As a result, her only child is an insecure, jealous, manipulative, pathologically dishonest, amoral wack job that would be domineering if she could get a toehold. It never had to be that way. It's what BM made it. When you are the non-custodial parent, the only rights that are enforced, is the right to pay child support. The state we live in enabled BM to crush her daughter's spirit and make her into a dysfunctional adult by automatically assuming the mother is the best parent. It's not always true-especially in this case.

We need to get real in this country about divorces and the children of those failed relationships. All this pie in the sky BS portraying BMs (and BFs) as mature, wise, secure, congenial adults caring only for the best interests of the child is the exception, not the rule.

Also, people need to parent their own children. There are a lot of lazy, guilty, self-absorbed, domineering, dishonest, mentally unfit parents out there. Second spouses aren't the unpaid help and it's wrong to take advantage of them and subject them to such abuse from people they would never associate with if not for the fact they married a divorced person. Second spouses vowed to love, honor, cherish, etc. their new spouse, period. They didn't vow to meekly allow themselves be used, abused, stepped-on and treated like a dog by their new spouse's old baggage.

I also take exception that the BM/BD would feel it was their place to welcome anyone into the family. They aren't part of that family anymore, their attempted intrusions aren't welcome. That's why they are called exes. And that "amazing" kid is probably a nasty little viper because the kid is probably being PAS'd by the custodial parent. That's the reality I've seen and experienced.

Obviously THIS MOTHER is NOT A STEPMOTHER and has ZERO idea how much her ex husband's new wife is going to LOATHE her child's existence.....I say we drop off some of our kids to her and say "here you go, here's a kid. Now, you LOVE IT and care for it like it came out of your vagina, OK? See how she feels after a week or so......i'm thinkin she'll have a profile on here within 48 hours!

because we both have loved the same man and the child he fathered...I just threw up in my mouth...no need to remind me of the mistake he made with you...hilarious...she actually feels the need to welcome her? I wonder if this wonderful kids father wrote a letter to this BMs husband? Gross. I would take this with a grain of salt...that kid is probably spoiled rotten and MEAN. hahaha Even funnier...I wonder how this BM would be acting if she wasn't married? Would this still make it okay that her EX was getting married and the "mom" title was being shared? Oh my...I am so confused by it I don't know what else to say?!?!?

I dont think this woman is even living in earth. Dumbest letter I have ever read. She's in lala land or something.
Her own relatives probably can't handle her kid and she expects a step mom to somehow automatically love that child because she's in her face....if that's the way the world worked than we would all be in love with all of our co-workers....after all we spend about 8 hours a day with these people...LOL.
Whoever wrote that needs a reality check cuz the step mom probably loves her pet much more than th SD.

How come baby sitters are not expected to love a child like their own when some of them spend the same amount of time with a kid as a step mom or even more? When will people get that there's really not much difference between a step mom and a baby sitter or daycare worker except for the fact that that they get paid for what they do but we don't? Oh and we don't exactly choose t9 be around the kids its just an unfortunate consequence of falling in love.

If BM wrote me a letter like that I'll be like " excuse me but are you planning on paying me to mother your child while you're not around? It's not my fault you got divorced? I owe you nothing woman."