DH and possible drug use
This isn’t really related to SD but I just wanted to see if anyone has any input on this. DH and I have been married 9 months (together 3 years, living together 2 years). I’m just going to cut to the chase— I think my DH may be on drugs. I found out a while back (after we were already married) that DH has a history of being an addict (& the way I found out is so embarrassing- my younger brother also has a drug problem and my mom had taken him to a methadone clinic and saw my DH there). My DH said at the time that he has been going to the clinic for 3 years for suboxone. When I researched suboxone online, I found out that it is only meant for weening off the drug and should be completed in about 6 months (obviously every person is different, but 3 years is way off). Anyway, that was months ago. DH told me he would stop going to the clinic (it was costing about $90 a WEEK and DH is already making crappy money). We never really talked about it again. Now I am thinking he is back on drugs, reason being his money seems to be “disappearing.” He takes his entire paycheck out of the bank in cash and has no explanation for where it goes, and he pays bills late if at all. I catch him “nodding off” a lot too. I lived with a drug addict for years (my brother) so I have been through all this before. Anyone else have any experience or things I can look for other than the ones I mentioned? Do you think maybe he never stopped going to the clinic? I don’t know what to think. There are some signs there, but it’s not blatantly obvious like I haven’t caught him using or found drugs in the house. Any input? Thanks!
Maybe he stopped going to the
Maybe he stopped going to the clinic like he told you, and went back to street drugs.
You need to talk to him about this. This effects everyone in the house.
the money issue is definitely
the money issue is definitely questionable. As far as the drug goes, best I can suggest is ARM yourself with signs of the drug and try to figure it out.
At some point, you will have to confront him about the money. They do have drug tests at the pharmacy, but I know if I ever asked my SO to take one, he would be furious that I didn't 'trust' him.
I wonder sometimes if my SO isn't smoking weed or something too. I have even asked him, and got a no. I find myself checking his pupils a lot.... My gut says he is, but not really decided on what to do about it, and how to address.
I would start addressing the money issue first (i don't have that option) if I were u...
I ask him about the money all
I ask him about the money all the time but he just does not give me any answers, which I find suspicious. And here’s the other thing I forgot to mention- this is why I am thinking this now- I have been sick for the last few weeks with a bad kidney infection. My doctor gave me Percocet for pain (I only took it for the first few days). My DH was sooooo interested in how many pills I was getting and how many I had left, etc. He even asked me to give him what was left over (I did not) and to get the prescription refilled (I did not) so he could “sell them” to make extra money, which I thought was bad enough (I am not into anything like that) but now I think he actually wanted them for himself. Oh AND it was prescription drugs that he was addicted to. I have asked him to take a drug test before (one of the days I noticed him "nodding out") and he refused and acted like I was insane for suggesting it.
You'd leave your husband
You'd leave your husband without knowing for sure? Are you married?
I recently realized that I
I recently realized that I had become addicted to a mild pain killer i had taken for 4 years. I was waking up in the middle of the night to take an extra dose. I thought this was strange, because I never needed it before. Then when my prescription ran out early, and the holidays hit, i couldn't get the refill in time before I ran out of pills. BAM! Guess who was a prescription pill addict and didn't even know it. I had taken these pills as prescribed by my physician for 4 years. The withdrawal from this drug, though it states it is an opioid and non-habit forming, was the most horrific thing I have ever experience. I researched when I wasn't curled in a ball wanting to die. There are clinics that will give suboxone to get you off this pain killer. As I researched suboxone, I found it has a high addiction rate as well, just like the opioid, non-havit forming pill i had been taking. Just like methadone, it has become an abused street drug. Just like all opiates, you can not trick your brain at the opiate receptors, your brain compensates. Opioid, or opiate, it still knows. The withdrawal is the same. I tell you this because I did not even know I could get addicted to this prescription. I had researched it when I got it, I had told the back doctor I did not want anything addictive or narcotic, and all the research said it was non-habit forming, yet the research was wrong, and the doctors DO NOT CARE. If he made the steps to try suboxone, he tried, but he may have just ended up substituting one addiction for another. I know I am thoroughly embarrassed about my situation. I am in law enforcement, I thought I knew all the risks and took good precautions. It still happened to me. Take with him, and see if you can get the real story from him, and the back story about how he got to the point he is at. Don't trust doctors, and suboxone is just another scam like methadone. Do your own research.
Thank you for your story,
Thank you for your story, stepcop and I'm glad you were able to get through that. My brother has been a prescription drug addict for years so I have seen him go through it and that's why I am suspicious of DH (that along with his past obviously). He did get on the suboxone in an attempt to get off the drugs, but I am afraid he just substituted one drug for another.
There are answers, he just
There are answers, he just doesn't want to give them. That would make me even more suspicious. If he isn't paying bills, and taking all his money out, and we share a home and accounts. I would be furious regardless if there were drugs involved. Esp without answers.
Well, you could always be an ass, and get ur own acct. And stop putting any extra money to his this (like cell phone, etc, cable) and let those things be late, or cut off. Then maybe you will get some answers.
Granted, your name will still be on the joint acct, but at least when his money ring out, you don't have to worry about him stooping so low as to dive into yours. And when he demands to know why, tell him you didn't have enough money to pay his half, and since he can't explain where his money goes, he should.t be able to see where yours goes.
Oh we don't have any joint
Oh we don't have any joint accounts, I would never do that. I have 2 checking accounts, 1 is mine and 1 is his but in my name (he has bad credit and can't get his own). They are at the same bank so I always check on his when I go into my online banking. We keep our finances separate so I don't really care what he does with his extra money, as long as it isn't drugs (which of course is what I am suspecting at this point).
Yes, I understand why people
Yes, I understand why people would say that. For me, I am the type of person who needs proof before I believe something.
I think the first thing that
I think the first thing that you should find out is, WHEN did he come off of the suboxone? Did you know him at the time? If you did, you would have noticed him being sick and off for at least 2 to 3 weeks. If he was actually taking methadone he would have been VERY sick for 2 to 3 weeks and 'off' for much longer. If you did know him, you would have noticed this. If you did not know him, I would still ask him about it. Suboxone is usually given in prescription form. That is the thing about it, it is supposed to be "safer" than methadone as far as the risk of abuse. You cannot get 'high' from suboxone if you are taking it and you cannot take more suboxone to feel more of it's effect. This is why it is mainly prescribed and not given in a clinic environment. Now, this may have been long enough ago that it was being given in a clinic, I don't know. As far as I know, that was never really the way doctors handled suboxone.
Money disappearing is like..the NUMBER ONE sign to look for. If he gets defensive about it that is a red flag. He refused to take a drug test you say? Anyone who would have a clean test would not refuse this, especially if it would settle their partner to do so.
I think the possibility is very real that he is using again. You need to talk to him about his addiction. Addiction is all consuming and can go from money disappearing to jewelry and electronics missing in a matter of weeks. Please talk to him. If you can actually get him to confess, which I doubt that you can, maybe talk to him about going back on suboxone. It is much better than the alternative and he will not have to go to a clinic ever day to take it and he will not get any kind of euphoria from it. He should only go on suboxone if he is already facing physical addiction. He probably is. It does not take long for an addicts body to recognize an opiate and to build a tolerance and then an addiction to it.
If you have any questions, private message me. I know a lot about this subject.
Thank you, littlepanda. I
Thank you, littlepanda. I know when I lived at home and my brother was an addict (he still is but I no longer live with him), things would always disappear-- my jewelry, my dad's huge Craftsman toolbox, money, anything really. I haven't noticed anything like that with DH but of course there is the missing money issue. Now since we keep our finances separate I'm sure he thinks what he does with his money is not my business, but I just want to make sure it isn't drugs.
My brother has been an addict
My brother has been an addict for 15 years-coke, heroin, prescription pills, alcohol. It has been hell. My stepsister is a recovering addict-prescription pills. Missing money and jewelry and stealing were HUGE with them. They liked to take from people's wallets.
My brother's signs over the years: bad hygiene, nodding off/sleepy or really hyper, exaggerated word use, red eyes, acting really nostalgic, crying/acting meek and sad, ridiculing others, blaming, picking fights. Lying and excuses-lots and lots of those. "Disappearing" for an hour or more, often suddenly. "Sick" a lot-complained of headaches, colds, stomach pains. Defensive. Weight changes-got skinnier at times. NEVER had money.
I think your DH may be back on the drugs. SOMETHING is going on with that money. Other possibilities could be he is having an affair or he owes people money. You never know. But, his history worries me.
I saw a lot of those signs
I saw a lot of those signs with my brother too. It's horrible. I don't know if maybe I am just being paranoid because of DH's history or what. The only signs I see in DH are the money issue -he gets his paycheck direct deposited into checking account then withdrawls basically the entire amount in cash-- what else do you need cash for besides drugs? You can use debit card for anything AND it's easier and no fees. Cash makes no sense. And also there's the apparent "nodding out." I remember seeing this with my brother- he would be sitting up on the couch and all of a sudden he would be out. He had burn holes in all his pants from falling asleep smoking cigarettes and they would fall in his lap. I'm juat afraid to see DH like that.
You already know full well
You already know full well hes using again. Clamp your legs together to make sure no babies are made and get out ASAP. With this guys history it'll be a lifelong battle. Also your leaving may help him hit bottom eventually.
No I don't know full well,
No I don't know full well, that's why I am asking what others think. And no babies- I use bc faithfully.
That is good to know because
That is good to know because what I read online made it sound like DH was on the suboxone too long and maybe just substituting 1 drug for another. Thank you for the info! Also yes, I hate methodone, that is what my brother used to try to get off pills and it was awful. Made him sick and he was still an addict, just this time he had a prescription for it smh