attachment disorder
ok so i am about to sound evil so please dont be to mean. so i met my step daugher when she was 3 and i was 20. about 2 years later i married her dad and she and i never got along. she has a very overly generous grandma and her mom has severe mental issues and has been out of the picture a long time. me and my stepdaughter we never on good terms i did try but she always thought that i was stealing her dad and tried to keep us apart. even going as far as at our wedding she ran up to the alter and tried to pull him away. right after we got engaged i found out her grandma hated me too and she actually filled for custody because she didnt like me. i still dont know why but i never did anything to make her dislike me or to hurt my stepdaughter. anyway going through this court thing and having a distant and mentally ill mom and getting a new sister had lead to her developing an attachment disorder. no trauma to her just over all stress . she is seeing a therapist and has been getting meaner and meaner. she says mean and threatening things about her sister and most of all me. i am expecting another baby and the therapist tells me i should not tell her about the new baby because her mind cant handle it and she will most likely get worse. she has told people i beat her and told her school i dont feed her and steals from me. if questioned about why she does it then she says she wants to get rid of me. I'm told a lot of it getting worse has to deal with jealousy of her sister. since her sisters mommy stuck around and hers didnt. the therapist tells me we have to go on a long hard mental journey if we have any hopes of her growing up normal. and heres where i get evil i dont love her i never have, she down right drives me crazy sometimes. more since she has started actively trying to drive me insane. so i am stressed, pregnant and dont lover her so i dont know if i can deal with this mental endeavor. i cant go through a several year thing to try to make her better and i am stressed about it. i know she needs help but i just want the people who love her to help. her dad works a lot and cant do all of whats needed. and her grandma wont work with me. she just yells at me and blames me. i want to focus on raising my children who i love very much and have no problem dealing with. what do i do i cant handle all that is being asked of me for her i am depressed and at the end of my rope i have been dropping weight from stress (which sucks cause i'm pregnant) and i feel like i have no good way out.
You don't say how old she is
You don't say how old she is now...it sounds to me like she needs a new therapist. How long has she been going? If things are getting worse rather than better, something isn't working there...
Also, as long as you harbor negative feelings, she will continue to behave the same way, or worse. You don't have to say a word to her. She will know. Kids aren't stupid. You are waiting for her to be "normal" so you can treat her "normally" and she is waiting for you to like her so she doesn't have to be evil to you. See how that works? Who do you think will hold out longer?...
she is 8 sorry i thought i
she is 8 sorry i thought i mentioned that and definitely not stupid i didnt think i insinuated that. i do try to do nice things with her we go out for me and her time and do stuff . and i have no doubt she can "hold out" longer then me that is why i am at my wits end.... i have tried for years and it has gotten me nowhere. i really dont care if she is normal i am kinda a free spirit myself and believe in individualism, its the cruelty and the lack of caring and such that i have a problem with.
wow! 100% you need to
wow! 100% you need to concentrate on your babies and yourself, they only have 1 mum too and will only be young once. You never want them to grow up resenting you for putting Skid before them, thats not fair on them. Your DH should step up and look after your SD, or how about giving granma custody and let her deal with it. Just because you married her dad doesnt mean you have to be the punch bag for the loss in her life.In your heart you will know if you are doing enough to help this girl and if nyou have tried everything then I would give her to grandma to look after. Its not failure or surrendering to either of them, you are just getting your priorities right, YOUR family and health comes first. Even if you did love her, she is not your problem. Alot of SM's, myself included feel guilty that skids lives from bad parenting are bad, but we are not the parent, we are not responsible!
look after yourself and your kids
I'm not trying to be nasty
I'm not trying to be nasty here but do you have any training? I ask b/c that is such an awesome answer and you replied to my blog yesterday.
It just clicked that I am enabling all of them. I give DSO and his kids somewhere to land. I provide the motherly duties while dSO can pretend we are just a normal lil family. Maybe if dSO had to go it alone, it would help the boy and DSO.
Sorry to hi-jack.
I'm going thru this myself.
I'm going thru this myself. SS13 was pretty much raised by being left for his older brother to care for that is 6 years older than him...and 8yo watching a 2yo etc.
Mommy was passed out on xanax all day and Daddy was at work and "didn't know" what was going on.
Daddy wants him to be normal but can't see past the sweet lil boy that he can be when the world is shining on him.
If she represents a threat to
If she represents a threat to your younger children then she needs to go. I tend to default to protecting the innocent victims of evil people. 8yo is old enough to know that what she is doing is wrong. Rather than wait for her to actually hurt your young daughter and your new baby I would get her out of your home now. Her therapist sounds as if they has given up on your SD and is recommending that you surrender to SD rather than bring consequences that will clearly demonstate that her crap will not be tolerated. More directly, no one seems to be applying motivation to this little girls butt with a paddle which IMHO would solve this problem in a hurry.
So, protect your family.
Good luck.
All IMHO of course.
Where is her DAD in all this?
Where is her DAD in all this?