How do you leave and call yourself a Christian?
52 yr. old. Married 12 years. 31 yr. old stepson. Been given at least 12 cars since I have been around. Has wrecked them all. Meth user, meth maker, meth seller, drunk, thief (even from his beloved granny), pothead, pants on the ground, foul-mouth, welfare narcotics re-seller, been in jail a dozen times, lives in his dead beloved granny's home (that my husband had buy from the state) daddy pays all of his bills, has a 10 yr. old girl we have seen once since she was 3 months old, has a 4 yr old boy (by an incarcerated, lesbian felon) He lost custody of him in June of 2012. Now I get to raise his terror that is just like him. Get to hear all about his days at daycare everyday. He threatened to kill a little girl last month. Spits on people, yells at teachers. We have had a terrible 6 months. He has had to endure ME and a whole different world where you get spankings! Hopefully he will go back to daddy full time in a month. I have a 28 yr. old daughter, married, 2 babies, own home, they pay their bills...Thank God, she has never been in ANY trouble. But then I never treated her like a princess, either! We thankfully have no children together. My husband is the sweetest, kindest, most honest, hard-working man there ever was. I love HIM, for all the good he is. But I am tired of being married to his son. I am so angry and don't feel like I am in love at all anymore. So sad. I am ready to leave. But the thing is that I try to be a Christian. I don't want a divorce; don't mind being alone. I still feel wrong hurting him. But I am so mad at him for creating all of this. And like a previous poster said, if I had had a crystal ball 15 years ago, I would have run like the wind! What do I do? Will God forgive me if I separate from my husband? I can not be around all of this anymore.
I only come here to hear from
I only come here to hear from other women, like me, that have the same fears. And of course, I wouldn't rely on any ONE person, in a forums' advice. I do feel as though I have gotten some very real; very thoughtful replies; including yours!
I did talk to my pastor. And I told him I felt like I was asking for 'absolution.' And that I wanted a totally Bible ispired answer. And I asked him to study, think and pray for me and my situation. He and his wife feel like this is not a problem that I created and understand me considering separation. But I do feel like divorce would be breaking my marriage vow. I have found peace
For several months I have been bouncing back between hope and hate; feeling like I'm trying so hard and hating myself for not feeling like I 'should'. I don't feel those manic emotions now. I feel like the choice is mine and I don't have to fear for my eternal life. I have so much hope in Heaven! Sometimes I just can't hardly wait! Here lately especially! 
Firstly, would your DH be
Firstly, would your DH be alright with separation? As a Christian, I think it's important that it's a decision you would both be okay with. Would the separation cause either of you to stumble in terms of faithfulness?
Would he be okay with being together emotionally and sexually but live apart? Lots of people do this (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21369007/ns/health-behavior/t/some-couples-d...).
You could get an apt, continue to have a marital bed, and spend time together but maintain separate households. This would free you up to escape from some of the drama and the temptation to sin this drama brings (bitterness, resentment etc...) Still, you could have lots of time with DH but have a place of refuge when things get heated up with his son.
It might even be good to have DH come to your apt more where ss is not in the picture.
You could try this on a trial basis for a month at a time (extended stay). Later you could rent a furnished apt if you want to try it for a year at a time.
For what it's worth I'm a Christian and am pretty conservative. I have studied the scripture about divorce and remarriage and so has my husband. Neither of us could come up with a reason why living apart but staying married is wrong if both partners agree and remain faithful.
I think it's important to note that you may be very weary because of your grandchild too. You may not be in the best frame of mind to make any kind of decision. You may want to consider making this decision when grandchild leaves next month (if he does leave!). If he doesn't leave, you may want to explore this separate but together option on a trial basis for the sake of your emotional well being.
Is DH not Christian. I ask
Is DH not Christian. I ask this because if you are suffering this much and your DH has done nothing to protect his wife, then I surmise either he is not a Christian or he's okay with not putting his wife first.
Does Christianity mean martydom. Do you really believe that you as one of God's children should live in this emotional turmoil. Do you think God likes to see his children unhappy and miserable.
I guess it all depends on what Christianity means to you.
The bible I believe says that a man should leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. That no man should come between them, Your husand is treating his son in such a way that his son is coming between you, and all with his father's blessing, and encouragement. Because your husband has given him the money by way of cars and a home to live in, and taken on his sons responsibilities (kids), which he has promptly handed over to you. Nice.
This is not what a Christian marriage is all about. So how can you as a Christian feel you should stay in it.
Your husband may be a nice man, but really he's not being very nice to you. If he was, you would not feel this way. If you want to leave, then please do so. God would not want you to be miserable over this 31 year old and his enabling father. God will rather see at least one of you fulfil their lives and be the best person they could be than see all three of you not reaching your full potential not being what God knows you can be.
The decision of course is yours. But you are no good to anyone, miserable.
Thank you for your raw
Thank you for your raw honesty.
You said, "Then I reasoned well in that sense then I am expecting myself to be loving patient and tolerant of everyone because I am a christain? So even child abusers? No as a Christian in can still have an opinion on and protect myself from the harmful actions of others..."
I have thought that too. I have two young grandchildren that need to be protected too. There have been some scary incidents too. So, I will keep you in my prayers and you do the same for me.
Google: 'legal
Google: 'legal separation'
See if that doesn't fit your situation. It's also a excellent way of figuratively slapping your spouse and getting their attention that unless they mend their ways you're on your way to a 'real' divorce.
Daddy needs to understand this kid is a lost cause until the kid, if ever, makes a serious attempt at getting drug free.
thank you ALL. I did, in
thank you ALL. I did, in fact, speak to my pastor and his wife. Also been doing some serious praying and soul searching. I have promised to take care of 4 yr. old until SS gets him back. Then, like jennaspace said, I might be in a better frame of mind to see what future our marriage has. Hadn't thought about a trial separation, rent by week apartment...Sounds like fresh air to me. I don't see my husband ever letting this boy go out and make it on his own. There has been a new developement, in the last 2 days, that my husband did not even tell me about. I found out on my own. It could totally prevent SS from getting his son back indefinitely. This involves his living arrangements; not drugs, alcohol...I am blown away to a complete other level! In any event, I do feel a peace about my responsibilities and my choices. Pray for me, my family and God help me; the little boy that couldn't have picked a worse pair of parents. Well, his half sister gets that award. Amazing! ...reminds me of an Elton John song. The one with the derogatory name, like a female dog! I'm ready to jump off of this carousel! Again, thanks for your time and thoughts. And good luck to all of you too. Many of us jumped out of one relationship into one that we simply did not research enough to make such a commitment to. So sad.
Wow, does that mean he'd
Wow, does that mean he'd possibly live with you? I feel so sorry for this child. It's so unfair to the children when the parents are like this.
I'll pray for you and your family. Also praying this little boy will be cherished by someone like a son (not hinting it's you & DH). I hate when little children suffer because of their parents.