I'm truly confused and could use some advice. Though I will attempt my best, this is hard for me to explain. I'm seeking help from anyone who can understand and hear my situation without placing judgement.

For those who are aware of me, yes I fully disengaged from my SD but this is not my current issue. My current issue lies with my SS17 (will be of age in 4 months), DH, and I. Recently I posted and no body agreed. I posted that I relate more with SS then DH at times. It is true..at least was true when I posted it, I'm not so sure at the time since the last visit with SS. In the post I liked that SS and I do talk openly and honestly. Things took a turn during the visit and I'm left confused.

It took a week of my SS being cold until s*** hit the fan. I don't do the silent treatment nor do I give it.

History with getting on the same page with SS, I as any other woman wig. I only wig on the people that I care about but when I feel they need it so to speak, I give it full force. I hate wigging!!! To give you a better picture, my friends have told me that I would have made a great drill Sargent. Never been in the Army but grew up with family who has. Honestly, I hate most all people and would happily give my life for anyone who matters in my life. I'm highly respected amongst friends and family and do like to keep life simple.

Anyways getting on the same page with SS seems to consist of me wigging after DH and I can't tolerate any further bull s*** behavior. My husband/their dad is more less submissive and I cut the cord every time. DH feels anxiety prior to me wigging but holds his tongue even far more then he means too. He lives with saying "I brought 2 kids into the world with a dead beat for a BM". It is true but he can't take that back now.

Once I wig, everyone gets along great. Again..I hate wigging. It just seems that its the only tool that works to break the wall down so we all can carry on. DH is as baffled as I where that is concerned.

Getting to the issue.....SS! I vented to him that I don't care whether he resides with his BM or us but that he needs to finish his senior year and do it right. It hit home for him only he was here for just one week. He jumps the fence using his parents and caring only about his friends and his entertainment. It showed during the visit full force. I.e. I have a heart condition, fighting a lung infection that is trying to set in, had to shovel with SS and he leaves me with the shovel that I could not handle physically at the time. My lungs were locking up it felt until I threw up in a snow bank. I told him that I can't use this particular shovel and must trade with him. He exchanged with frustration. We had to shovel the next day too, he leaves me with the bigger shovel again. I was not even two minutes behind him. This was not done to hurt me on purpose but he acts this stupid with everything.

So, DH and I care about him and how he is doing but I'm afraid that he is just acting to stupid for us to waste our time as he said that he wants to finish school and is moving in with us permanently. He too claims that he has to move in with us or he will not graduate remaining living with his mother.

Actions following the conversation are not sitting right with DH and I. DH thinks that SS may be seeking to bail at his moms and I think that my SS is playing hide and seek between mommy's legs yet. We both agreed to tell him no for moving here and DH wants to tell him that he needs to finish what he starts which is his last year in school at his mothers. You can't fix stupid and that is how this almost adult behaves.

DH and I intend on seeing SS this next Saturday and telling him no for moving in with us. Not to mention the Alternative school here requires that you work or can prove your seeking work. SS is not ready for the work force nor do we want to waste our sources being the only ones actually trying.

What should we say to SS? I'd like to be honest and lay the facts out. DH has not been much help here where his kids are concerned. I love the kid but man does he ever need someone to just beat his a** for once and all.

Before you answer if you do, both parents have messed these kids up and continue to do so. DH realizes SS is only facing failing school yet last week he still gave his boy a computer game.............Its one of the reasons I blew up but gave the right people the right blame.