I wonder about this too. At this point, I can't imagine interacting in a relaxed, loving way with the skids after all that has happened over the years. I know for my DH's sake it would be great for them to reconnect with HIM, but I do live in fear of having to "play nice" because I just don't think I can ever forget the way I've been treated. I AM just "DONE". Done, done done.

I'm disengaged and I can't imagine ever going back. I'm so much chilled now, I'm not so paranoid about stuff being reported back, don't feel the need to entertain when it's just me and them, don't feel like a visitor in my own home etc...The list could go on. Why go back, just as longs you're civil with them then it's not going to be a problem, you're not their mother and they made that clear from the beginning.

After about five years of being told I made SD uncomfortable, having doors slammed in my face, nasty comments, being treated like I was invisible and an episode of physical harm, I disengaged and told DH that SD was not allowed in our home unless she could be respectful. This lasted a few years. DH went to vist with them and assured me they would behave. I allowed SD and her husband back into my home and in my heart.

They 'behaved' for a very short while but with every visit SD increased the sarcasm and nastiness. Speaking to hubby in hushed mumbles so we couldn't hear what they were saying - when we were in the car or sitting next to them. And as time went on, I became more invisible, more expendable. One day when Daddy wasn't home SD snapped at me and started ordering me around in my home. Something snapped in me. A few months later, just before Christmas, they returned. They were worse than ever but I was determined I was not going to take their BS anymore. I won't go into detail but when I asked if they could speak up while they were having one of their constant sideleine conversations, they both came unglued and began screaming at me, making all sorts of vague accusations, while DH ran out the door.

This time I told DH they were no longer allowed in our home and let him know he could go with them if he wanted. In fact I went to a counselor on my own to see whether I wanted to remain married. I could have cared less at that point.

It has been two years and it has been wonderful. I have said to DH that the only way SD will ever be allowed in our home is if he inform her (in my presence) that she is to respect me as his wife. But truthfully I really don't ever want her back in my life. Past experience tells me it would not be too long until we would be in the same situation, or maybe worse if that's possible, and I just don't want to take the risk.

I doubt it happens very often. Seems like these counselors are trying to brace us for never being accepted. It just takes us longer to realize it. I was told by two different counselors to move on, it's not you, it would be anyone who married their daddy, get on with your life and stay away. They were right, but of course, I didn 't believe them right away. I am sure there are statistics and studies out there that point to a very low percentage of happily re engaged families.
My dear friend just lost her step dad. She has step sibs who kept the war up for probably 30 years against her mother. One of his biokids came to the funeral after not seeing him in years. She thanked my friend for always being there for her dad. My friend said, no thanks necessary. I loved him and he was good to me even though I was just his step daughter. She told her SHE was the one who missed out. His other bio daughter didn't even come to the funeral.

This is great to hear SA, there is hope for some of us! I feel bad for your mom though and what she had to go through. Did you ever get involved, meaning did you ever feel like protecting your mom when your step-sisters were being so cruel to her? The reason I ask is because sometimes my 17 year old DD will say in relation to SD, "Mom, should I send her a mean text?" lol. I always say no it's okay, but she is very protective.

Never ever will I re-engage with hubbys kids and neither will hubby.
While sitting in the sauna having a chat he brought up the subject about how he felt since he chose us over them. I was surprised as he said he feels more at peace with himself and doesn't regret a single thing that he has done while we have been together.
I asked him if they had been in touch, he said no, I asked has he seen them, he said he saw his daughter while driving in the car park, she shunned him, he shunned her.

Our life is as it is now, no more drama, no more crap, no more bullshit, no more feeling like I am a visitor in my own home. We are free from their stupid games and life has been so much more relaxed and stress free.

i re-engaged to a degree. and regretted it. you give an inch, she takes a continent. never again.

For me to re-engage, for even one second, would require one very specific thing to happen. DH's daughters would need to express true remorse, to me, for how horrific they treated me over the years. I want no platitudes from DH or MIL that DH's daughters have changed, want to "get along", bury the hatchet, throw in the towel, or some other false narrative.

When DH's daughters were younger (we have been together 9 years) I instilled in them my belief that words matter and I'm sorry, without changing the behavior or action, are simply idle words and have no meaning. They were always sorry, but continued to do and say the same things, over, and over, and over.

Until that time when they are able to look within themselves and realize how they have caused harm, I will stay disengaged. Not because I hate them or don't want DH to have a relationship with them. It's to protect me. I've been protecting me, and my wallet, for over 5 years now.