Well I agree that taking a step back is a fair enough point. As long as you don't get stepped on.

I laughed when I read the link, once again the instructions are for the SM what she should do, how she can make Christmas better for the SK, her husband and the BM. All fair enough points, but someone somewhere needs to recognise the SM as well. It says allow the Bio parents to keep up traditions with the child they had before the divorce and SM start your own. So, does that mean BM and BD all sit down to Christmas lunch together as a family and SM starts her own tradition eating alone at MacDonalds.

Its all nice in theory. A bit harder in practice. The second wife should not get the Christmas leftovers, it is not a good example to set for the kids and teaches them you are just not really part of the family.

Shame they didnt tack onto that article how the DH should sort this out instead of the SM. How if the DH wants a happy successful second marriage he had better not treat his wife as second best and put his kids ahead of her.

Now, now dog person. You need to put your needs, wants and feelings aside here. If you keep up your current attitude, you will not be able to happily put the "first" and special family's needs ahead of your own will you. Go back and read your instructions again okay.

You know the sooner we second wives wake up to the fact that we are only here to be the punching bag because the first marriage failed, the happier we will all be, don't you think. Imagine expecting to be treated with respect. We really do have a cheek.

Ugh! Me thinks that this was intended for SM's with INVOLVED BM's...I fought long & hard to get Nasty's traditions out of MY home & I'm good with that

The SKids don't care either way so yeah...

This article kinda leaves the childless SMs out in the cold...like we needed to be reminded that we aren't having a Christmas with our own children??? What happens if your own children (with the DH) are there? Do you bypass your own would-be traditions for the SKids & the bioparents traditions for harmony's sake?

Nah.

I just thought of something else, my so never ever goes to her family things with the kids.

Her meaning bio mom

Good girl dog person. You keep the wine up. You may need to be comotose over the next few days.

I posted in my blog about this past holiday I would appreciate feedback and would love to hear if anyone's dealt with similar situAtions. I am feelin very down and out today.

"Recognize that no matter what you do, the holidays are hard for children of divorce. Be compassionate."

Hard? LOL. I find that families actually go out of their way to make the holidays extra special for children of divorcees, and they turn into little snotty brats because of it. In many cases the stepkid(s) gets two family celebrations, two sets of gifts to unwrap, and two families fawning over them and showering them with attention. What....the fuck....ever

I disagree TheBetterWoman I think my husbands children would have turned out to be far better people and have been far better off with two things. One, if mum had given them one foot up the bum and two, dad the other.

Yeah....NO. We tried this the very first Christmas..DH got up super early and went of to the Ex's house so he could watch the kids open gifts...then left me home for about 5 hours...I was so upset...when he got home he could tell and apologized profusely and swore we would make new traditions. So we sat down with the kids and talked about family traditions for OUR family...

Now we have our own holiday traditions, special things for Christmas Eve, Easter, birthdays, etc...

DH told our kids, that as much as he loved them, in order for him to be the best Daddy he could, he needed to be the best husband to me that he could and that meant building our new family with them with he and I at the center. I'm one lucky lady.