Notes/Lists to make for DH to take to Mediation w/ BM. How did you do it?
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DH is going to mediation with BM to see if they can resolve his motion to modify custody and be named the Residential parent.
There are so many reasons and so much documented proof he has to support his request, it can be all mind consuming and mind boggling. I am afraid in mediation, he will forget to raise some points/concerns or bring up certain supporting arguments as to certain things he does not wish to compromise on and why he feels that way.
Did anyone compile a typed list or Pro/Con or bullet type notes to bring with them to Mediation? If so, how did you organize it? I find many of the problems and arguments fall into multiple categories and don't know how to organize it.
You definitely should.
You definitely should. Although I didn't do it myself, I think it would be best to do it as bullet list of Goals (what he wishes to accomplish, less CS, more visitation, no contact, etc.--and they should be tangible, not "For me to see my kids more" but "I would like to see them x amount more on so and so days", and not "I want her to stop harassing me," and "No contact unless through email and only about kids," or "No phone calls after x o'clock") from most important to least important (things you won't budge on to things you can live without.) Then below them list each of the reasons why, but remember, concrete and tangible. "I want that due to the fact that I feel harassed because on x date, x date, x date, x date, BM did this, this, this, and this." and provide the proof.
Watertight airlock it.
We'll be facing this too only
We'll be facing this too only the opposite - BM wants residential custody. I plan on drawing up notes because (I'm sorry to say this) but DH isn't quite savvy and since I can't be there, I don't want him getting railroaded by BM and her attorney.
I know if he doesn't have a list of things to bring up/contest, he'll get his ass handed to him.
Thanks for bringing this up as it reminds me to start working on the list now in advance preparation!
Good luck!
Your DH needs a good kick in
:jawdrop:
Your DH needs a good kick in the balls.
OH SHIT! That sucks ass! I
OH SHIT! That sucks ass! I can only HOPE my DH follows it. He's good with lists and it helps him to gather his thoughts if he has things written down, so all I can do is cross my fingers his common sense doesn't get whisked out the window if his bitch ass ex starts flipping out!
See, DH used to be the same.
See, DH used to be the same. BM (or SD) would stomp her foot and pout like a fucking baby and DH would fold like a house of cards in a hurricane. After I came along and put it to him that HE is in control of his life, they have a court order for a reason, she doesn't hold all the power and to quit bowing down to her every desire or he'd be alone - he got it and grew a set. Albeit, not a very BIG set yet, but certainly better than the minuscule set he had prior to meeting me.
My "Detroit Attitude" rubbed off on him over time. After SD14 pulled the shit she did last Friday, and then he got the letter yesterday from BM's attorney wanting to file to increase child support - his attitude (and balls hopefully) got 100x bigger.
All I can do is hope and pray he follows his notes and common sense and doesn't allow BM to jump back into the saddle and ride him like a broke donkey! Ok, that sounded bad.
This man used to be a BULL RIDER for pete's sake. He could climb on the back of a snot-slinging, pissed off 2,000lb bull without fear but BM raised her voice at him and he cowered like an abused puppy getting smacked with a newspaper. It's DISGUSTING the way he used to be!
Yes, I'm afraid he will
Yes, I'm afraid he will forget to bring up certain things or get sidetracked by her outbursts or accusations.
**One thing I am wondering**
As far as the proof (photos, recordings etc) we have of her concerning behaviors (suicidal-like statements, badmouthing DH in front of kid, being drunk when with child when theres history of alcohol abuse, being on depression and anxiety meds when theres history of her mental instability and previous suicide attempts and so on)....I'm guessing it is best NOT to bring up the fact we have proof in mediation, right? I'm guessing then she will change her ways or make her social networking sites private etc and we will have no further proof.
Is it better to leave the fact we have proof out of mediation and save it for when it goes to a hearing in front of the judge? (Because I know mediation is not going to work and he is not going to compromise on something we will regret).