Contact w/ BM
FDH has made it clear to BM that she is to contact him via text/email and that phone calls are for emergencies only. It was difficult at first and FMIL made it worse by trying to get all up in the mix by accepting BM's phone calls asking for fmil to "talk with her son about how she has the right to call him anytime because they share a child". fmil proceeded to advise FDH that he "needed" to talk to BM on the phone "whenever" BM called because of fskid. Fdh put his mom in check and let her know her opinions weren't needed nor welcomed and basically to butt out. Eventually BM got the point and has been sticking to rule, welllll for the 2 weeks BM has been calling, not VM nothing, doesn't text either, so we don't know what she wants.
MY question is, for those that have gotten the CO restricting contact to text/email, and phone calls for emergency only, did you just request that or did you have to provide dates/times that she's called to harrass? The reason fdh has implemented that rule is because BM likes to call and demand money, complain about skid, how her life sucks, whatever and it was causing problems with us because fdh would get so upset because she would always bring up how she wasn't going to let him "see his son ever again." if he didn't give her whatever she wanted. We are going to be going to court in a few months and we are curious how this works...
In my case with my BF I am
In my case with my BF I am the one in charge of the phone in which BM calls/texts. Her calls NEVER get answered! If it is important, she can leave a vmail, otherwise, oh well! We only respond to texts that have to do with skid. And our replies are usually "Yup" or "K". Usually not much more than that as there is nothing that we need to say to her and nothing we care to hear from her.
No one can MAKE you pick up her calls. If she has something important to say she can leave a vmail and you and DH can decide together if that message warrants a call back or not.
There is NOTHING wrong or illegal about only accepting and responding via text and email.
In the state of Mass apparently if you text or call a person 3 times or more you can call the cops for harrassment! My Bf learned that the hard way as BM pulled that bullshit on him and had the cops tell him that so that is how I know that.
I suggest you contact your local authorites and find out what constitutes harassment and what your rights are as to protecting yourselves from her constant phone calls.
Hope this helps!!!
I see, I never thought of him
I see, I never thought of him telling her a "new" phone number and giving her my phone number. I really like that idea... thank you so much for the advice.
It works great! Only had one
It works great! Only had one or two glitches but nothing that made her catch on to the fact that it is me that is the one dealing with her and her texts. I receive the texts and I will fwd them to him. Technically it is his phone as he pays for the phone on his plan I just use it as my own. Most of the time he tells me to just say whatever I want because he trusts my judgement in dealing with BM as I do not put up with her bullshit one bit! She gets IGNORED or like I mentioned earlier, a simple YUP or K.
When she starts her shit she gets completely ignored and then she stops. Now that she KNOWS that we will NOT put up with her shit she very rarely texts unless it has to do with skid. Either way, if she texted non-stop or not she would get the same response: NOTHING!!!!
We don't have anything in the
We don't have anything in the court order. But SO never answers her calls. She lost that privilege pretty fast. Now when she calls she blocks her number and he still won't answer }:) Then if she has SD she has her call him and then snags the phone from her. SD got put in check on that one real quick and she doesn't do it anymore. Now she rarely calls and if she does have something to say she will text and he will respond if it is not BS. Texting and asking for money or to bitch about how he is parenting don't get a response. She has finally learned that she has no power anymore so she leaves us alone. Unless she is really hard up for drama then she tries but we always ignore her.
Yeah BM does that too, she'll
Yeah BM does that too, she'll blow up his phone when fss is with us and then text and say "I need to talk to our baby." So he'll call her and let fss talk but right away we can hear her saying to fss "put your daddy on the phone now." We've started to just hang up once she starts that but I think fss is getting confused. Should we just ignore when she demands to talk to fss?
As both an ex-wife/bio-mom
As both an ex-wife/bio-mom and now a new-wife/step-mom - I can see both sides. When my ex and I divorced, whenever I called him to discuss the kids he would say, "Is this an emergency?" to which the answer was always "no". Point made - now I never call him. If I need to relate something about the kids, I do it by text.
Flash forward 5 years and I have my step-kid's biomom calling and texting all day every day. Not sure if this always went on and I just didn't see it until we moved in together or if she ramped up the crazy b/c she now feels threatened.
At any rate, I told DH that it really disrupts our family time with all the calling and could he please talk to her about it. I'm sure all of you lovely ladies can predict that he of course did not want to do that. Oh no... wouldn't want to upset mother of the year. What he did agree to do was just not answer when she called **if we had the kids**. If we didn't, she could legitimately need to get in touch with him re. an emergency. I will say that once he stopped answering the calls they did taper off.
My point is - try not answering the phone. No one can "prove" that you weren't answering it out of spite. Also, try the "Is this an emergency?" question when she does call. Hopefully she will see how often she calls when it's not an emergency like I did.
Good luck!
Great advice, thank you! The
Great advice, thank you! The phone calls have stop but maybe she forgot that text/email only is the rule and that's why she's calling now?
So she calls, no one answers,
So she calls, no one answers, and she hangs up without leaving a message. Sounds like life is good. Y
You've got some good advise up above so why bother with a court order? If Daddy does take the issue to court the easiest way to get a order is to ask the judge to order BOTH parties to abide by whatever rule is suggested. It's likely that's what the judge would order anyway so why not look good and show willingness to play by the same rule.
With that no documentation should be necessary.
"If Daddy does take the issue
"If Daddy does take the issue to court the easiest way to get a order is to ask the judge to order BOTH parties to abide by whatever rule is suggested. It's likely that's what the judge would order anyway so why not look good and show willingness to play by the same rule."
^^this is actually a great idea. If she disagrees she'll have to provide reason as to why she NEEDS to talk to him via phone.
Thank you!