Dreading Christmas morning already.......
Last Christmas was a little different, I was still "new" and although I would have liked more of a private gift exchange for FDH and I, I went along with what he usually does- everyone opens all gifts in front of everyone. My BD8 didn't care either way, She loves the busyness and the more the merrier......Well not me.
I LOVE the holidays, the smells, the excitement, the food, the music, just the Christmas "magic" in the air- seriously. Now I am going to enjoy the holidays with BD8 and FDH and my other family but I cannot help but dread christamas morning. FDH has the tradition ever since he got divorced that his kids including his stepson (ex wife's kid) and his child, SD21 and her 2 kids and SD15 whom there are ALOT of bad feelings with are all coming over to spend the night on Christmas eve so they can wake up and open presents around the tree. :sick:
(Background info: SD15 has been over 1 time in about 3 months bc she hates me and doesn't want to be there bc I am there- great for me, bad for DH- super awkward Christmas morning)
FDH loves this tradition and looks forward to it every year. I am already having anxiety over it. LAst year SD15 was jealous of MY gifts, His SS came over, left to the bar and left his daughter with us (we didn't even know bc everyone was sleeping when he left) and woke up Christmas morning still drunk and being a complete asshole, walking though everyone and half stepping on new gifts everytime he wanted to go out for a cigarette and was just straight up rude, yelling at his daughter- he's the biggest loser ever.
His kids are selfish ungrateful assholes, all of them and it makes me sick to think of spending my Christmas morning with them esp after last year and ALOT has happened in the past year-not good which makes me dread it even more.
I figure I'm going to ask FDH if we can exchange gifts between ourselves privately and hyperfocus on my daughter during Christmas morning, just knowing I have to kinda suck it up makes my stomach physically hurt.............
My parents live out of state, I have a job I can't miss work at and I have the tradition of opening gifts from santa with my daughter on Christmas morning so going somewhere else, or leaving out of town isn't really an option either.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Why didn't I know any of this crap before I got into this relationship???????!!!!!!
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Why didn't I know any of this crap before I got into this relationship???????!!!!!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Welp..the good thing is that you know it before you married him. And you have not been together very long so why stay with it so bad?
This is true, MAybe I am
This is true, MAybe I am being niave but I assumed when the kids get their own relationships and when we move in 2 years they won't come around or atleast spend the night, they can comeover but spend the night????? Is this wishful thinking???
christmas is so hard... sorry
christmas is so hard... sorry your christams morning is spoiled by the older skids. what if you have the older kids open christams eve after daughter goes to bed then the 21 yr old can go get drunk and they all sleep in.. then in the morning and you and daughter rise nice and early while all is quite and enjoy a christmas morning. i would bet they sleep late too. little kids always get up early have quite time with her enjoy breakfast and coffee while she plays with gifts
Great idea, But what about
Great idea, But what about SD15- if she is there she's not going to go to bed early, he's going to be all up her ass bc she never comes over anymore and she's not going to give us privacy, for my birthday last year she came in our room while I was opening gifts and acted as if she just LoveS watching people open gifts...then she pouts bc I usually get something really nice :?
can sd open presents
can sd open presents christmas eve too? alot of older kids like opening on the eve. all i know is i had to change a lot of traditions when i got a skid and also dealing my kids started going to their Bio dads house.
i still wanted tradition and make christmas fun so each year we might do something a little different depending on skid and my bios and the other parents each yr but we still manage to make it fun and that is "our new tradition" i guess.....
Do they live nearby or out of
Do they live nearby or out of town? If they live nearby I dont see the reasoning for the grown children to "spend the night". In fact I think it's sort of weird-especially since they have kids of their own. They should be in their own home making their own traditions. Then possibly come over later in the day for an extended family celebration.
As far as the rude sd15, imo, if she hasnt been there for 3 months,then perhaps you'll get lucky and she wont be there for xmas either. I would at least try and talk to my dh about this and say-it is really awkward for you since she has decided she hates you and it brings a real damper on YOUR chrismas-can he think of any solutions? Put the ball back in his court so to speak. This is his daughter creating this awkwardness and he is allowing it-have him come up with some alternatives here.
No, SD20 and her kids live
No, SD20 and her kids live with us but will hopefully be getting their place Dec 1, so we are used to them being there but it's still crazy. It's the Stepson and jis kid and SD15 who kinda ruin it for everyone. I thik it's odd as well that they are adults with kids and spend the night but these kids aren't really adults. They all live off either their mom or dad, none of the adult skids are currently in relaionships so therfore they come to my house
I agree, and appreciate your advice. I will definitly do that. I already brought it up once and said Are the kids sleeping over for Christmas? Is there anyway they can come on Christmas morning early so we can have Christmas eve night ? And he shut down and said " Sorry you don't like my kids, this is how it's been since the divorce and I want them to spend the night, sorry if you think I'm ruining your Christmas...." :jawdrop:
I really don't think he will be able to come up with anything but I will definitely try! Thanks
You have your traditions. SO
You have your traditions.
SO has his traditions.
Nothing makes your traditions more important than his. That is unfair and selfish to think that way. I cannot fathom why you think your DD should be the "hyperfocus" of Christmas morning.
You aren't married to this man, and haven't been together long (as this is only Christmas #2 with him) so take note of what you wrote, "UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Why didn't I know any of this crap before I got into this relationship???????!!!!!!" Now you know. You aren't married. What are you going to do about it?
You misunderstood my post, I
You misunderstood my post, I didn't mean hyper focus on my BD bc she is more important and so is our tradition, I meant it as a way to ignore the bullshit. We both basically have the same tradition Christmas morning thats why we combine them. I meant I just focus on my daughter and ignore the rude comments or looks etc. Geez
Sure, you can "hyperfocus" on
Sure, you can "hyperfocus" on your DD.
I am letting you know, as a veteran stepmom of 20+ years, that this is going to be problematic for you. There is no "blending" of family/tradition/Christmas.
You want you and SO to do your "own thing" privately. You mentioned not being able to leave with DD, which indicates you don't want to "share" the Christmas morning thing.
You don't want to fully participate in your SO's kids/SO on Christmas morning, hence the "hyperfocus."
Everything you've written is about separating. That will hurt your relationship.
I see what you are saying, I
I see what you are saying, I guess after last year and her being jealous and even trying to talk FDH into giving her some of my gifts, I would rather him and I exchange alone and then lets the kids do all of thiers together. LAst year I was a little disappointed bc my tradition is we take turns opening for the most part and his kids tear everything open at the same time so half the stuff I got FDH I didn't even see him open bc we were all opening at the same time.
It's true, you are right, if it was up to me I wouldn't be a part of the skids Christmas at all but it comes with the territory and I accept it. Just don't like it!
too bad that a 15 yr old is
too bad that a 15 yr old is jealous that is her problem not yours open your presents and give your man a BIG kiss and say thank you honey. you are an adult and you are in a relationship with her father you get gifts designed around that aspect and people in a realtionship be it married or not get different gifts then a kid would get and she will need to learn to deal with it. one day when she has a b/f she will understand.
Yes it's true, and this year
Yes it's true, and this year we are cutting back on all the kids }:) The adults with kids don't need a bunch of presents and Sd15 doesn't even come around so why should should she get a ton of stuff and BD8 doesn't even play with toys anymore so I made the decision and told FDH we are cutting back!!!!
I dread Christmas morning
I dread Christmas morning too. SD16 also gets jealous of every thing DH gets me, even though she gets so much stuff!!
Last year we let the kids open their presents first. Then as they all scattered away to go play with their things, me and DH exchanged our stuff without the watchful eye of SD16. It was alot better.
I think you just have to put a smile on and ignore her. I have managed to ignore SD's looks for the last 6 years. It sucks but I just smile knowing Christmas night she leaves to go to BM's mothers house and usually stays the week there!!
I would let everyone open their stuff and maybe you guys can do it afterwards like we did last year. I felt so much less anxiety knowing she was not watching my every move.