Christmas Gifts
The past two Christmases I have bought equal gifts for my DD4, both Skids and BM's nephew. For several reasons, BM's nephew is no longer welcome in our home and I will have no relationship with him at all. SD18 is in college and hasn't talked to DH, except to make thinly veiled references to him or me on Facebook. SS13 has asked for the opportunity to apologize for past behavior (saying horrible things to and about me and DH) and to come over for visits again.
If all goes well with SS13, I am totally fine accepting his apology and moving on. I actually really like to spend time with him when BM isn't working him into a frenzy. I want nothing to do with her nephew though and I'll take DH's lead on what to do about SD18. My problem with her is that I have seen and heard way too many comments on Facebook and other public forums, but whenever she needs something she's cooing into DH's ear about how much she loves him and is perfectly happy to be nice to me if I am offering something she wants.
As far as Christmas this year, I'll do what I always do for DD4 (which is usually pretty over the top - I admit it) and contribute $75 or $100 to a gift for SS13 if he is still on good behavior. I go back and forth on whether to get something for SD18, even if she hasn't been in contact with us. But I probably won't, because my problem with her is that she uses us (I feel). Absolutely nothing for BM's nephew, although I am sure DH will get him something. I just think I shouldn't be expected to give gifts to kids who have NEVER even given me a card and I am not going to give gifts to kids I don't have a relationship with. I am sure BM will be FURIOUS since she refuses to work and was an Xmas charity family last year. My gifts (along with DH's) made up the majority of what the skids and BM's nephew have gotten for the past two years.
How are you all handling gifts this year?
I will get the SDs some nice
I will get the SDs some nice things they want. I get along fine with them.
However, I have to say this about stepfamilies and fb. I think it is best when step-relatives don't even look at each other's profiles.
I am not friends with the
I am not friends with the skids, but I do look at SS18's page when I am on DH's account. My skids are VERY passive agressive - like BM. I want to know what they are saying behind my back - or actually what they are saying passive agressively to me and DH where they know one of us will see it. That way I don't get blindsided again down the road when I've been treating them like gold and I find out they have been smiling in my face to get whatever they want and reporting on and badmouthing us to BM and her loyal supporters. I don't like feeling stupid and used.
DH is in charge of buying
DH is in charge of buying gifts for his kids. I have nothing to do with it. I don't even go with him to mail the shit.
The 3 skids, who do not even
The 3 skids, who do not even speak to DH unless they want money, will each get $50 gift cards. They do not deserve that, but I will not stop DH from sending them the cards. I do not believe in going crazy with gifts for Christmas, as that is not what the holiday means to me. If the skids were decent, I may be ok with a little more, but not a ton. We do NOT have the kind of money to go crazy, and I do not charge things.
DH's son, the 20 year old who refuses to work and has never worked, has already requested $2000 worth of computer equipment. Like he needs more time on the computer...
I, personally, love buying
I, personally, love buying things for SD's as they are pretty good children. I have no experience with older steps [I know I'm in for a hell of a ride though!].
I say worry about your daughter and SS13 and let DH decide what HE will get SD18 since she has no contact with either of you.
As for the nephew: He's not even apart of your DH's family! Who the hell cares?! Let BM's broke ass get him something!
BM has a circus sideshow for
BM has a circus sideshow for a family and she and DH decided to take in her nephew when he was very young. I get that DH helped raise the kid, but at this point BM has sole legal guardianship, the nephew is DEEPLY troubled to the point that I will NOT allow him around my DD4 anymore, and I flat out don't consider him part of my family with DH. DH is totally fine with carrying on a relationship with the nephew that doesn't involve me or our home anymore. BM on the other hand, knows that I am good for babysitting the nephew (he is 15 and can't be left alone apparently), provide trips, gifts, and clothes, and doesn't want that gravy train to end. Last year I bought the nephew and SS13 amussement park passes that she has been using all year long for each of their birthday celebrations and other times, while badmouthing me 24/7. She'll never thank me for anything I give the kids, or even acknowledge where these things come from, but when it stops coming, she's the first to start screaming about it. I am sure we'll hear from her once again when SS13 comes home with Xmas gifts and I haven't contributed my usual to her nephew.
My husband and I are still in
My husband and I are still in a disagreement. We would normally mail something but my DH is says not to bother. We used to send something that is equal value to what we get for my son. We don't usually spend that much money on gifts (books, clothes, practical things).DH is still mulling over the idea I received on here about putting money in a savings account for them instead for when they are old enough to understand how BM has taught them horribly and take it upon themselves to call him. I am still trying to figure out if he is joking or not.
My skids are at their
My skids are at their father's mercy this Christmas. They don't and never have appreciated a thing I have done for them and I'm not doing it anymore until they start appreciating me. That sucks for them because my brothers joke about my husband being so tight that he squeaks when he walks, and that is no joke. They will be getting not only what their father pays for but what their father goes and buys them. I'm not doing it. But... hey. Less mess to clean up after they are finished opening presents because they surely never do it.
Ahh.....Christmas
Ahh.....Christmas time.......one of my favorite step-seasons......NOT!!!!!
Many years ago, back when I was still trying to be "super step-dad," DW and I engaged in a "toy arms race" with SD17's "perfect" bio-daddy. Well, actually, a better way to put it would be this: we busted our asses and spent a ton of money on gifts, while he might have bought a few trinkets. One year, the "hot" toy was the MySize Barbie, which was about as tall as SD17 was at the time. DW and I searched for one for weeks, hitting everyone toy store and Wal-Mart in a 75 mile radius. We eventually got on friendly terms with one of the workers at a store, and he gave us the delivery schedule, so we knew when one of the toys would arrive, and we were able to buy it.
Guess what happened on Christmas day? SD17 got her MySize Barbie, played with it for 15 minutes, then went to her "perfect" bio-daddy's for his part of Christmas visitation. When she got back, she never touched the Barbie again. In fact, in a quite suspicious turn of events, suddenly got "scared" of the Barbie, and drew prison tattoos on its neck. We ultimately had to remove it from her room, and eventually gave it to charity.
I haven't even dreamed of getting my skids anything for Christmas for years. Needless to say, they have never gotten me anything, not even a card, and not even when I was "super step-dad." The sad thing is, they have never gotten my DW anything either, and they supposedly "love" her. Puke.
Same here - the skids are now
Same here - the skids are now 13, 15, and 18. Last year, DH got nothing. Not even a card. The year before, he and I each got a box of candy from the dollar store - I kid you not. The kids have never given DH or me anything for our birthdays, unless I bought it for them to give to him and only when it was my idea. These aren't little kids we are talking about so it definately irks me.
I'll proably give SS13 some sort of gift - but only if DH does. I won't mention it otherwise. DH just replaced SS13's phone with something nicer and suggested that be his Xmas gift - sounds good to me. The skids threw a fit about coming over here on any holidays so they won't be here on Xmas anyway (we have them the week after) and SS13 said some horrible things about me being "fake, obsessed with money, etc". This is because his own mother insists on working part time and making up the rest on food stamps and welfare. I support my daughter very nicely by working full time at a career that I have worked towards for 12 years. I am not obsessed with money, just responsible, but now I guess that gives me a free pass not to buy SS13 anything - I wouldn't want him to be "materialistic" like me, lol.
Nitkup! Did you see! There's
Nitkup! Did you see! There's another UT up there ^^^^^ lol
We have five kids total. My
We have five kids total. My two Bio sons, dh's two Bio sons (2bms) and our daughter. I will not be purchasing anything more than what we already have for yss. Every year I find stuff (small amount ) for OBS and OSS. I find most everything for YBS who lives with us and up until this year YSS. However, dh would also get a ton of stuff for Yss also without me knowing which has produced two very large Santa drop offs for a very ungrateful unappreciative 7 year old. My xh doesn't do anything for my boys, including OBS who lives with him. OSS's mom does a lot for him and this is our daughters first. I REFUSE to have two LARGE Christmases for ONE child. I don't even do a large one for my OBS and it's really all he gets. What kills me is the apparent favoritism of YSS.
DH buys for his brat and I
DH buys for his brat and I buy for my daughter. He'll likely spend half of what I do, only because he sees his brat all the time and I only get my daughter for school breaks and summer/Christmas. And mine actually deserves gifts! His is only around because she's being forced and I can't stand her.
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