To let her use the dress, or not to?

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So back when RAD SD13 was living with us, I had taken her dress shopping and we bought a gown for a formal dance. Her dad grounded her (I believe for talking to an adult man about sex on a facebook account she wasn't allowed to have...it was BAD) so she couldn't attend the dance. Since then, SD became horrible, hurting my bios and I finally said she could no longer live with me...to protect my bios and myself. When I was on vacation, my inlaws, who are now raising SD, let her in my home and let her go through my whole house to find this dress and take it. She took it from my master bedroom closet. I told DH he was to get that dress back just for the principle...she wasn't going to get away with going through my stuff...she steals from me all the time and I was royally peed off.

Anyways, he finally gets the dress back (SD lied and said she didn't have it and about three months later I finally got it back). I saw SD over the weekend and she said "Mom, can I wear that navy dress to my winter formal dance?"

She only called me mom because she wants to have the dress. Didn't hug me, tell me hi or bye or anything. She did at least 7 things to purposely annoy me in the hour I was around her, including dangling a python from her hand one foot away from me because she knows I hate snakes!

I didn't say yes or no to her borrowing the dress. What should I do? I am tired of that brat getting whatever she wants. I had planned on selling the dress to recoup my money. But if I don't let her use it, my inlaws, who are poor, would have to buy her one or DH would have to buy her one. This dress was on clearance and I only have about $50 in it. I could let her use it then sell it...if I get it back. But it also likely would need hemmed...then I likely couldn't sell it.

Thoughts?

I think SD does not deserve

I think SD does not deserve the dress because of her bad behavior. I would tell her no, she has been behaving badly and does not deserve the dress. I would return it or try to sell it at a consignment shop.

Don't feel bad that the inlaws or your DH will have to buy her a dress. If they want to enable her bad behavior that's on them. You stick to your principles. She might even get the lesson you're trying to teach her.

Give her the dress and end

Give her the dress and end the cycle. Let it be known the next time they break into your house you are prosecuting.

I would do this: 1. Take the

I would do this:
1. Take the dress back.
2. Refuse to allow that girl back in my home because she is abusive to my children.
3. Edited to include: 'break into my home again and we will be seeing charges laid'

End.

She absolutely should not get

She absolutely should not get the dress only because that just teaches her that she can do whatever she wants. Sounds like you like your in-laws or at least care for them. I tell you what would happen if my MIL did that, she would be seeing the police at her front doorstep. BUT! My MIL is a nasty, pitiful, alcoholic, waste of air and DH and I do not like her. And his step-mom wouldn't do that. If you are worried about not wanting to put the in-laws out, here is what I suggest you do. Have DH or the in-laws take her around to second-hand stores. People donate formals that were worn once all of the time. I just bought the most beautiful wedding dress there for $20 to use as part of a costume. When she has to go to her dance in a second-hand dress (only her and you will know that it is, though) she will think twice about her bratty ways in the future.

You know what, I think you

You know what, I think you are right. If I just give her the dress, I don't have to think about this again. Perhaps her dad or I could say this is the last dress she will be getting from us.

Because you are right...no one is going to be able to teach this child a lesson, especially not me!

I believe that SD does not

I believe that SD does not deserve the dress by all means but I personally would give her that dress ONLY doing it for yourself. That way, you can move on with your life never having to hear about it again & SD can think about it every time she sees that dress. For all you know, SD is aware that the dress is just another button of your that she can press.

If SD is to raid your home ever again, deal with it going through the law at that point. Surveillance would be your best bet if you can afford it. Let us know what you end up doing if you would please. Wish you all of luck with this girl.

Use it to wipe your ass for a

Use it to wipe your ass for a week, then give it to her. "Have fun, darling step-daughter!"

Obviously I'm kidding, but there is no way I would give her that dress...even to move on and avoid drama. You would be inviting her to walk all over you in the future with no consequences. Echo is right...donate the dress to goodwill so some other deserving girl with limited financial means can look beautiful at the dance.

HAHAHAHA

"I'm sorry SD, I wore that

"I'm sorry SD, I wore that dress out on a date with your father.... and well, it got a little diry that night and torn, I don't think you would want to wear it...but I believe it is still in the back seat of the car if you want to go check it out".

No way should she get the

No way should she get the dress. I understand the whole concept that its a losing battle but you know what, if it only gets her back for unlawfully goinmg into your home and lieing then good. She does not deserve it at all. Sell it, give your inlaws £10 and tell them to go to a charity shop to purchase a second hand one, make it clear to her that the £10 is for the sake of them not her. Horrible spoilt child! wear second hand clothes because either way she's still going to be a little bitch to you, this way you save some money, for yourself!