Is it right to have second thoughts on marriage because of his kids and ex
Me and my boyfriend have been together almost 2 years living together for 8 months we recently decided to get married early next year. I have 4 children two which are grown and on their own then I have two boys ages 14&5 that live with us he has three children two that live with his first wife ages 18&15 then a 6yr old from his second wife that lives with us also.when we first got together the 6 yr olds mother was m.i.a and didn't even see her then after about 5-6 months she came back into the picture since then she's been nothing but a pain in the ass and a let down for her daughter always breaking visitation and promises now since she has learned of our decision to marry its worse! In the last couple months every visit she has come home with head lice now we routinely check before and after her visits in front of her mother so she can see there's a problem under her care. When I check and find nits or lice the mother complains cause I'm the one that finds them even though she is present then she gets disrespectful towards me and he says nothing to her to stop her!! I would never allow an ex to do that to him! I try to explain that's the reason I get upset but he assumes its because the child's mother is lacking in her duties and just don't get it...the child now acts out telling lies and being as bad as her mother. Am I wrong to second guess and think I should not take that marriage plunge again?
No, you are perfectly right
No, you are perfectly right to do so. Not even right, but very very smart.
I agree with both of these
I agree with both of these replies!!!!!
I agree with both of these
I agree with both of these replies!!!!!
^^^This! I don't second
^^^This! I don't second guess my marriage because I truly believe we're perfect for each other. But SD14 and BM have caused a lot of tension, stress, emotional upheaval and honestly, they are the ONLY argument-inducers in our relationship. Especially right now.
This is true for me as well.
This is true for me as well. We argue about one thing and it seems so unfair to our otherwise perfect relationship.
Same here! I want to marry my
Same here! I want to marry my BF very much BUT I WOULD NEVER take that leap until and unless I know for sure that my BF and I are on the same page about how to deal with bm & skid because I cant stand either of them and I am NOT putting up with their shit for the rest of my life either. It is either ME AND OUR RELATIONSHIP FIRST or marriage AIN'T HAPPENING!!! PERIOD!
Thankfully BF and I are on the same page about skid & bm and he puts me and us first...
Run!
Run!
My DH did not always stick up
My DH did not always stick up for me with BM. He said because she wasn't worth it. I told him he would either start or lose me because I am worth it. Even if you do not leave him, please do not marry him until he does not allow her to disrespect you any more. Or anybody else for that matter. If he does not quit allowing this, she will always rule your life.
You have every right to
You have every right to second guess your marriage. I have second guess my marriage every since I got married.
Everything pretty much hit the fence the day after I got married.
Accounts got frozen by the BM
She sent the kids to us with head lice multiple of times.
Had us in court three time a year for 3 years.
I had jumpped all over my husband to get a f'ing back bone
I had blew up told him he could pack his shit and go back home to her since he was such a winnie and didn't care to have her run his life.
Everything between us would be perfect if "THEY" didn't exist at all.
I have nothing against the step kids. They are wonderful kids when they get away from the bitch and are away from her for a while. but as soon as they get back around her they fall apart. THE BM constantly tools them around onto the ex.
Here lately she fed the kids lies and my husband has started to correct her lies and she has not liked it lately that he will not just play alone in her fabercated world.
She has came up with a new game every year to toy or guilt him
other wise if they did not exist we would be a perfect couple.
He does a lot of things for me or with me. I start the cooking he finishes it.
He does something out of the ordinary to keep life interesting.
We love a lot of the same things.
We have fun and enjoy it.
I guess this is why I have kept the marriage so far. Kids would be fine if the BM would drop off the face of the earth considering she wants to act like a selfish little child that doesn't want to grow up.
See we are perfect too in
See we are perfect too in that matter we love doing things together and like the same things we have never argued about anything. The first serious event was this the other day I just feel it will get worse but then I also think why let her control my happiness and future I'm torn and I think if I say no I don't want to marry he will think I love him less and then we will fall apart. But as of now I'm not getting married I'm just waiting for the right time place and way to tell him.
I won't get married until
I won't get married until SD11 is 18 bc of BM. End of story.
We are the same. Do not argue over anything unless the kids or BM
Same here. BM and her kids
Same here. BM and her kids are the cause of 99% of the tension and arguments in our relationship. The real drama and bs didn't start until after I moved in and as much as it pains me to say it, had I realized what it was going to be like, I doubt I would be sitting here now.
It's fine and I am glad you
It's fine and I am glad you are! Someone posted a question on General board asking what would our current selves tell our younger selves now as it relates to the time we got involved with our DH/SO's. Most said we'd tell ourselves to either WAIT longer or not get married at all into our situations. The problems do NOT go away and often get worse after marriage.
Your children are adults and soon to be adults so I take it you are a little older. Do you want to spend this time of your life, right when you are supposed to be relaxing and enjoying your kids as independent adults, dealing with a crazy irresponsible BM and a child that's barely started school? Your kids graduate in 3-4 years and this one will still be in Elementary and what's to come--middle school, teen years, etc. All of this for a kid that's not yours and with whom your SO is not even understanding nor defending you? You don't I'm sure... think about it long and hard. Very long. Very hard.