Forced Brotherhood
Really frustrated with this..I own a three bedroom townhouse that was the perfect size for me and my two ds before I got married. My oldest ds is now out of the house and in the service. My youngest ds took his room when his brother enlisted-so now there is an extra room that I was so looking forward to making into my craft room. Then I met my DH and got married. Now my life is hellish with skids invading Every part of my life. EVERY weekend the ss9 and ss15 come for visitation. DH wants to force my ds to act more like a brother to his two freaks and have his youngest share a room with my son so his oldest can have a room to himself like he deserves since he is ss15 and so deprived (lol) at his BM's house. We have been married for only 10 months and DH is upset that my ds has not accepted DH's two emotionally draining, socially stupid, unclean, lazy lumps on the couch, cry for attention, freaks as brothers. DH then gets offended when I stick up for my ds and say I will not force step brotherhood on him. My ds didn't ask for me to get married-I feel he should not be forced to like someone or call them brother because of a choice I made. DS is chastised if he goes out with his friends on the weekends and doesn't invite ss15, ds gets stupid remarks made to him if he doesn't play with ss15, DH even searched me out last weekend because my ds didn't want to let ss15 play one of his video games-so now my ds is a greedy, selfish boy and he should be forced to share his stuff with sbrothers. I just dont agree with this. Anyone else have some insight as how to handle this?
And as a side note I despise with a feeling close to hatred for my two skids! I married my DH because I love him! And I know it is said that you marry the whole family but shit..these two skids are more than I could have ever wanted! They are draining!
We didn't marry for the kids.
We didn't marry for the kids. We both finally did something for ourselves and married our life partner. Selfish..maybe. But the reality is that the kids will grow up and move on and I am glad that me and my dh will still be together. We just have to figure out this blending of the families the best we can. That is why I am hoping to find examples of what works and what doesn't on this board. thank you for your input.
My ds is 13. skids are 9 and
My ds is 13. skids are 9 and 15 boys. Yes the skids have had their life upturned with the divorce of their parents and I feel for them on that. But I can't see how anyone will benefit from a forced relationship. MDS and I tolerate the weekends. We are the extra wheels the whole weekend. The skids are not required to include my bio as my bio never goes to their BM's house and they don't really have anything at my house to have to share as everything in their room are toys that my ds didn't want or had out grown. My DH and I Really have to buy a netural house!
We tried the baby sitter
We tried the baby sitter (your the big brother you are in charge while we are gone) route before and the ss15 takes it all to an agressive authoritative role. My DH and I had gone out for a diner date one saturday night and by the time we got home our phones had been so blown up by text messages from the boys about what was going on in the house it ruined our evening. The ss15 had been such a bully while we were gone his brother was in tears and hiding in a closet and my ds was locked up in his room with his air soft gun ready to pummel the SS15 if he came near him again. The house was a Disaster, the kitchen has been pillaged..Basically I will NEVER trust ss15 with any baby sitting responsibilities again!
DH has made many comments
DH has made many comments about wanting to get full custody of both boys (wont happen, that is another blog). I have straight up told him not unless we get a new house can that thought even be entertained! And us getting a new 4-5 bedroom house when two of the kids will be old enough to move out within the next five years, just doesn't seem like a good investment.
The two skids share a room both at their BM's house and at our house. Which is why it is driving DH to make our house better than at their BM's house, we just dont have the room.
I agree with someones
I agree with someones previous post, you should be telling your husband your SS's can share a room, they grew up together. All you are going to do forcing your son to share a room with one of them is drive a wedge between him and the SS's your husband wants him to get along with. The effect that this has on your son should be taken into account as well.
This is you and your son's
This is you and your son's house. If your DH doesn't like the living arraingments, he can excersise his visitation elsewhere. I have a neice and a nephew (not psuedo ss36) who were so obnoxious and needy I used to PAY my older kids to keep them occupied when they visited. But it was optional for my kids and if they didn't want to hang out with the 2 dirty little buggers they didn't have to.
I don't think your son should
I don't think your son should be forced to have a skid move into his bedroom, his private space. The 2 skids should be sharing the bedroom.