You have got to be kidding.........
I have two SS one is 21 and the other is 19.. I have two of my own,, one is in teh navy and the other has a family about an hour away from where I live..
I was TOLD that my SS19 and his GF were coming in this weekend,, from Thursday to Sunday.. I wasnt real happy because I wanted to take the wife out for diner and a movie Saturday.. With the two additions it almost makes me feel obligated to take them along as well.. Anyway SS19 calls at 10:20 last night and said the game is over,, and they wanted to head our way.. (Its a 2hr plus drive which puts them in well after 12).. Wife said ok without a thought..
A few minutes later as it sinks in with me that they will be bouncing in that late,, waking everyone in the house up (I have a sister that lives with us) and keeping the wife up talking for an hour or so.. I got quiet and she asked me whats wrong,, I told her she wouldnt like it but she insisted.. I said her son was selfish,, thinking only of himself and what he wanted.. She had spent the day putting her dad in a nursing home and was exhausted.. But taking up for her by saying that about her son started WW3.. She started in on my kids and how they didnt call me or visit.. What does that have to do with anything? How can I get into this much trouble trying to look out for her...
Simple, you have to learn the
Simple, you have to learn the hard way as I did....you just can't say anything. You smile and nod and enjoy your evening and if wife is going to be disturbed so be it...it's her problem!
When it comes to her kids...there is NOTHING you can say even if it IS in her best interest...it will start WW3 plain and simple.
I used to voice my concerns over decisions that DH would make with the kids that would affect him and he would always go on the defensive. Now I have learned I can't say ANYTHING or I am attacking his kids.
Yep smarmy you are right!!!!
Yep smarmy you are right!!!! It will always be taken as an attack regardless of how try to phrase it or help.
How far away does your SS
How far away does your SS that was visiting live? How often does he visit?
Your wife is an adult. If
Your wife is an adult. If she felt she was too tired
, she would have told him to come the next day.
If your wife was too tired,
If your wife was too tired, she should have told him herself. She doesn't need you to "watch out" for her.
Your wife is an adult. If she
Your wife is an adult. If she felt she was too tired
, she would have told him to come the next day.
^^^^^ EXACTLY.
She wanted to see her son.
She wanted to see her son at
She wanted to see her son at 1am?
After the day she had,, she was bone tired when he called.. Being an adult and looking out for your spouse is two completely different thing. Not so long ago being considerate to others before ones self was the rule.. When does self come first? It comes first the day a marriage fails.
This is another pov: My BD
This is another pov: My BD lives 7 hours a way from me. When she comes to visit for a weekend I prefer her to come Friday evening after work even though she might not get in until midnight - 1am. So that we will have all day Saturday and most of Sunday to spend together before she goes home.
It sounds like to me you were more worried about your SS messing up your plans than you were what your wife really thought/felt.
Wow,, it seems we keep having
Wow,, it seems we keep having these little conversations after the fact..
My plans Saturday was to take her out,, not go golfing or off with my friends,, but to make her birthday special.. I have done this every year.. This year has been tough on her because her dad has cancer,, his brain been radiated to the point they cant do any more.. He falls constantly and has seizures,, WE drive the 2 hours to his house or the hospital several times a week.. Two weeks ago he spent at out house while under going the cyber knife treatment,, had one seizure and fell once in the kitchen.. Putting him in a nursing home/ rehab facility that same day was VERY tough on her..
Yes,, I wanted to make things go away for a little while so it did bother me when the plans changed.. But everyone went to our little steak house and had a good time,, at the end that all I wanted..
^That's my biggest issue with
^That's my biggest issue with this. First, all company should be discussed by the couple before-hand. I'd have a huge problem with having guests sprung on me at the last minute.
Second, I'm a planner, and need to know a time and day of arrival. I don't want to be sitting around wondering when/if they are going to show. Third, no phone calls before 9am and after 9pm. Did she not teach him any manners? Lastly, no late night arrivals. He could have skipped the game and come earlier, or headed out early in the morning. But no, he'd rather inconvenience you than himself.
Yea I know my wife is an
Yea I know my wife is an adult and can make her own decisions.. But when they also affect me I believe I should be included.. Her son come in maybe once every few months and im fine with that.. But,, im not fine with them,, or mine,, driving that late for a two hour trip and disturbing the house around 12:30 to 1am. Why not get up early and come in,, sleep late and come in etc.. We have to go to work,, he doesnt..
As for criticizing her son,, a spade is a spade.. In that instance he was selfish.. Is he that way all the time,, no.. He's a good kid,, she did a good job on both of her sons but that doesnt change his decision that night.. I have called my son's actions on the proverbial carpet several times,, so im not trying to nor do I differentiate.. Actions are actions,, right is right and wrong is wrong.. Why defend it to the point of fighting???
I guess this is where theres
I guess this is where theres a difference in perspective between male and female.. There is no additional quality time with her son gained with them coming in and going straight to bed.. My wife would not or could not go to sleep until after they got in.. The negatives out weigh the positives.. I love my kids too and would love to see them too,, but not in the middle of the night unless theres a problem..
I guess I feel a little weird
I guess I feel a little weird reading some of the responses. In my mind kids come 1st. If they want to show up at 1am or 2am or 3am, as long as it's not the rule but an exception I would not even think about it, regardless of bio or step-kid. And ESP on my birthday (or SO bd).
If the house is full I will let them know to be quiet.
Go to dinner and a movie
Go to dinner and a movie alone. They're not your relatives, you shouldn't have to hang out with them. In other words, disengage. It was rude of your wife to not discuss this visit with you in advance.